Husband doesn't think the baby is his, but it is!! what to do...???

Question

i have NOT cheated on him, but he's ALWAYS suspicious of me and picks apart everything i say & do to try & fit it into his somewhat paranoid theory. i'm so tired of him not trusting me... and now he actually said to me "the baby's probably not even mine".... i'm so hurt! he's treating me as if i've done what his ex did (she DID cheat on him & didn't know if the baby was his or not).

i don't know what to do!! :(
i'm about to give up trying anymore. it's too stressful dealing with his suspicions almost EVERY day. i'm getting so depressed, and i tell him how i feel & he says stuff like "laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?"... well i'm honestly at my breaking point and he isn't getting it.

any advice?


(oh, i'm 24 weeks pregnant.
& he won't go to counselling.
i've begged, but he'd rather pack up & leave than go to counselling.)

Answer 1

I was going to answer this question right when you posted it but then i couldn't & now i see you got a ton of answers.. but the ones i read were useless so i'll still tell you what i wrote:

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now.. Men can be real jerks!! When he says this again tell him that you are more than willing to give him a dna test & really talk to him about your feelings! If he loves you he'll at least try to stop this, I've learned that men are very insecure.. that's what jealousy is all about..

I dealt with jealousy with my husband when we were dating, he has changed this behavior.. But it wasn't easy.. You have to tell him that you love him & would never even dream of betraying him.. That you are not this kind of girl.. or, like in my case, that you are no longer this kind of girl.. If he's abusive though.. calls you names or something then you really should leave..

Tell him that he needs to learn to trust you or your marriage won't work.. I guess what i'm trying to say is you need to talk to him, i could post on here everything i would say (or did tell my husband) but just say what you feel.. & don't give him any reason to doubt you, like staring at other guys or something, my husband gets really jealous when i look at other guys, he thinks i'm desiring them or something, lol, when i'm really just watching their shoes or shirt =]

I hope he changes this attitude because if he doesn't he'll lose you..

God Bless <3

Answer 2

This is a tough situation. I have similar problems (although not to this level) with my girlfriend. I've never done anything that she should be suspicious of at all but she has this paranoia that stems from previous relationships. And it's this and the other related insecurities that keep me from deciding whether or not she is really the person for me in the long run. It leads to a lot of fights and I am trying to give her the time to change but it is difficult so I feel for you.

But your situation is different. You're married, there are children involved and you have been together a lot longer than we have. So I would say at this point you have to give him an ultimatum. Either he is going to get help for this problem or you are going to have to leave him. If he's willing to leave instead of get help, you are going to need to let him because this is going to make you completely miserable and wind up causing an unhealthy home for the kids. And the longer this goes on, the better chance that it will lead to violence or abuse. Call his bluff. If he's so paranoid about you cheating on him, then he must not want to lose you so it's time for him to get help or for you to move on....for your good AND his. And if it's NOT a bluff then it's better to make a break now because he obviously was never going to change. When the time comes for a paternity test for child support he'll realize he was wrong. But you can't continue to put yourself through this and then put a child into that kind of mess. How will he treat this child he probably already resents because of his own insecurities?


By the way, there are a ton of people on here telling you he's doing it because he's cheating himself. I doubt it. I KNOW my girlfriend doesn't act that way because she is cheating on me. It's far more likely that he has all of this in his head because of what happened to him before. If you start thinking "Wow, does that means it's really because HE'S cheating?" then you actually start to BECOME him. It's very unlikely that it has anything to do with him cheating so don't distract yourself from what needs to be done by going down that path. It is almost certainly an issue of his emotional and psychological shortcomings at this point.

Answer 3

If he's not willing to try to work it out...then let him pack up and leave.

He's never going to trust you because these are HIS issues that he's got to deal with. Even a DNA test probably wouldn't get him to believe that you didn't cheat on him.

At this point you have to decide whether or not this is a healthy relationship to bring a child into. If he thinks that the child isn't his...he's going to resent it or worse be abusive. PLUS he's already abusive to you....that is known to escalate after children come into the picture.

You need to seriously consider whether the relationship is worth trying to save (even though he doesn't want to) because he won't just be hurting you once that baby gets here.

Please don't be naive and think that this will go away on it's own...or worse yet...that you simply talking to him will get him to change. People only change when they want to and with professional counseling.

Answer 4

I'm very sorry to tell you that but your husband is an idiot!He should have more faith in you and don't treat you this way especially now that you're pregnant!You mention that you have tried to persuade him that the baby is his and he didn't believe it at all.I really think that there are only two options there : 1)Get a divorce so that you can be mentally and emotionally stable from now on and try to find someone that will care for you and love you instead of accusing you for nothing and 2)have the baby and then take a DNA test to prove him how wrong he was.Anyway I wish you best and take care

Answer 5

If he'd rather pack up and leave than go to counseling, then I hate to say it, but call his bluff and pack him a bag and tell him to choose, marriage counseling or don't let the door hit you in azz on your way out. Hopefully he is just bluffing when he is saying that he would rather leave, but it's time to stop letting that phrase of his stop you in your tracks, he using it as a defense against anything you say, and it's working and he'll continue to use it until you've put your foot down and said enough. Put the fear of god in him, if he really loves you making him face the fact that he either leaves or gets some sort of professional help are the only two options he will choose the counseling.

Answer 6

He is never going to stop acting like this. He needs counseling or some type of medical help for all of his issues. this in result could turn into physical abuse. I would just leave now. Easier said then done especially since you will have a child with him. However, it will be better for you and the baby in the long run. Do not stress to much you do not want to have a miscarriage. Once the baby is born, have a DNA test done and file for child support.

Answer 7

Ember Halo, I like you a lot but you are not listening to the good advice that people are giving you on this site, so why keep asking?

This is my reply to a previous question of yours:

"What kind of "husband" is he if he doesn't contribute financially??!!

He is abusing you emotionally, probably terrified of becoming a father, and probably LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE to move out.

If you don't get rid of him you will lose your baby, if not your life [you said you feel suicidal].

I'm sorry but I don't think there is any future in this marriage: you and he are not on the same page and probably never will be.

But all is not lost: you have the marvellous adventure of motherhood ahead of you~! Put your energy into your baby and your health ~ your "husband" is acting like a three year old.
6 days ago"

I agree with those posters who said he's probably got another woman: that explains his lack of desire to be a father to your baby.

I'm terribly sorry, it's horribly painful, but you have to face reality.

Answer 8

Gosh dear, I hate to say it but sometimes a guilty conscience makes you accuse others of what youa re guilty of. I'm not saying he has for sure cheated, but I've known alot of gals who going through this found out that their man was actually cheating while accusing them.
Maybe he is just scared, is this your first child together? Alot of people have some resentment or feelings of being trapped by a coming baby, even those who tried to have the baby.
If he doesn't pull out of this funk, then maybe you need to send him on his way. You need to worry about yourself and your child. I would suggest a paternity test once the baby is born so you can put an end to this nonsence.

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you!

Answer 9

If your husbabnd does not trust you then you might want to seriously think why you are married to him. Im sure you love him and trust him but the two of you should have built up more trust then that before you got married. I am so sorry that you have to go through this especially now. He should be supporting you at this critical time and not questioning you. If you want to stay with him then you might need to just ride this out until you have the baby and take a paternity test asap if he still doesnt believe you that you are not cheating then you might want to consider whether or not you want to stay with him for the rest of you life and having to deal with him thinking you are lying to him. Do you really want to deal with that forever? If you dont want to live this anymore you might want to think about taking a break and telling him that if he cannot support you and believe you that you dont think that it is best to stay together. Prove him wrong with that dna test and if it doesnt change his mind hes crazy and doesnt realize that by questioning your loyalty he might lose you. Good Luck in whatever you choose to do about this. Remember you need to think about the baby and whether or not you or your child deserve to live with a man who doesnt trust you. It might lead to fights and your baby should not be in a household that there is constantly yelling in.

Answer 10

I don't know where his mindset is at right now, but it seems that he is becoming overwhelmed by the enormity of what you two are about to do -- become parents.

I think that given his time alone all day he has the time to overthink things a bit, and he's letting his sensitivity and emotional baggage from a prior marriage cloud this judgment on this.

I don't even know you, and I KNOW THAT YOU LOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE THIS MAN! Is it possible to have him look at some of your responses (print them out maybe?) on some of the Y!A questions to see how you feel about him? Given our anonyminity in this forum, we tend to be more honest (ironic, isn't it?), and express ourselves from the heart.

I am not good at giving advice, only support. But if I was going to give advice, I'd take some time alone with him and tell him about how much he means to you. We all know it. He just needs to see it.