I found out in March that my husband had an affair in 2005 and possibly fatherered a child (we have two children together). He went back to America to try to 'make things better for us' he told me he didn't speak to the female now but would let me know when he did to sort out this child business. I went 2 america with our children for a visit and found out he had been speaking 2 her throughout 2006 (and I don't know what else) plus she was calling his new phone so they had spoke since his return. Also he had texts and pictures from 2 other girls on his old phone (2006) suggesting they had met etc but i don't know for sure. I also found a phone bill and found out he had been on the phone for several hours with a female work colleague from 8 years ago, one call was 204 mins, this was just after he got back 2 america in September this year, after we cried together and he promised me he'd never hurt me again, would not lie or keep secrets again and would do anything for me. End it?
2007-11-07 08:00:05 · 38 answers · asked by Lisa K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks everyone, you're all basically saying what I already know. Couple of questions to answer: no, I have NEVER cheated, he was my love, my number one, I did everything for him, adored him etc etc. And I did talk to this other woman's boyfriend recently and he had no idea they were still in contact AND no idea she was pestering him telling him it was his child! The boyfriend said it's his son, no-one elses, it looks like him and everything, so he sounded pissed off, then I called the whore at work and she said 'oh it's the *****' when she heard it was me?!! So she knows full well he's married etc, think she was pissed cos i filled her boyfriend in on some details. thanks for your answers guys x
2007-11-07 08:20:23 · update #1
I think i would give up and pack myself and the kids up and head back to where ever you came from so the kids can be around the grandparents you have gave this loser enough chances..
2007-11-07 08:05:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Looks like you are married to a very attractive "chick magnet". Sounds like you have been snooping around trying to spy on him. Obviously you do not trust him. Don't know what country you live in but how lucky for him going off on a holiday on his own to sort out this child problem and not taking you with him and then resuming his affair with the mother???? You have good reason not to trust him but can you live without him??? If you are mostly unhappy then yes get out or at least lay down some rules to give him one more chance??? Is he paying maintenance I wonder. I hope he is a good provider for you and your children. I can't work out how long he was in America. If it was for a long time and you had to "visit" him and take your children this all seems a bit odd to me. Where did he stay when he went and where did you stay??? These are all things to be thought about and if you are "smelling a rat" then you are probably spot on. If he is American to begin with and you are not there is also the possibility he is married to the other women (?) and also to you (a bigamist)???
2007-11-07 08:14:13 · answer #2 · answered by veraswanee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be YOUR decision, but my opinion based on my relationship with my husband of 5 years would be that he will not change. My husband would lie about everything and he would always swear that he would not do it again. He would have affairs and would lie and say when I finally found out that he would never do it again. I say that when someone crosses that line of being a cheater once they could realize they made a mistake and change. But after he has seen how many times he has hurt you and still did it again, what will be different next time? He will promise again. You have to make the right decision for you but I bet that this will continue to happen as long as you let it happen. He will not change.
2007-11-07 08:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by centwatson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This nightmare he has created for you will never end until you get him out of your life. He will continue to be involved with other women behind your back and there could be more children in the future from other women!
I highly recommend you end the marriage - he is not the type husband I would want. Just make sure you & your children will be taken care of in the divorce decree.
I know it will be hard but you don't need a liar & cheater around. Good luck.
2007-11-07 08:22:55 · answer #4 · answered by debnm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you? You should end it and he will not promised you anything and He lied to you already that if he going to talk to female about child business but he didn't until you found out about that. and I think it so wrong for him to do that to you.
oh my god he playing games with you and you need to end it and make sure he pay your child support. I don't like that game he doing becuse why did he marry you first place you know.
I married to my wife who I love the most and been married for 10 years and 3 kids. and I never ever cheat or do anything to hurt my wife. Because I married her because She is my first and Last.
Sad that he didn't see that. I am so sorry that you have to go thought with this problem. Really need to end it and once he cheat on you always a cheater.
2007-11-07 08:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lisa, he's lied to you about not talking to this woman. He's cheated on you and been stupid about it, too, if he may have a child. He's lied about being in contact with other women. The very long phone call suggests more than the best of friends but possibly another romantic relationship.
What makes you believe he's telling the truth about never hurting you again?
I'd dump him.
2007-11-07 08:09:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up and smell the coffee! Your husband is a womanizer and your marriage is already finished. Why do you think he left you and went to America? With him in another country, he won't be arrested if he doesn't pay child support. All you need to do is sign divorce papers and forget the rascal. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE and if you hang onto him, all you will have is a lifetime of tears.
2007-11-07 08:06:51 · answer #7 · answered by Laredo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As horrid as it is if he's managed once it could and probably will happen again. I have been with my husband for 10 years and can honestly one slip up ok it would hurt but I'd like to think we'd work it out but so many times and text and phone calls too isn't that how things start?
Good luck with your decision.
2007-11-07 08:05:42 · answer #8 · answered by lacldc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the age of your children and how comfortable you are sticking it out until they are grown. Seems like you pretty much are alone now anyway so not sure if youd be financially better off or not. Whether you want to go through all the technicalities of a divorce or not...hmm. You certainly are entitled to move on so I would say do whatever makes you more comfortable.
2007-11-07 08:04:44 · answer #9 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a liar, and you do not deserve to be put through this. It obviously is not going to stop. You need to end it as soon as possible so you can start the healing process and get on with your life. You are your own person, and in the end what you did or did not do in your life is all that is going to matter. Make sure you are happy no matter what you do.
2007-11-07 08:03:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, end it!
It sounds like his three strikes are up and the guy is sitting on his brains. Obviously I can't really make this decision for you and you have to think seriously about giving up such a long-term relationship but it sounds like you and your kids have been jerked about for long enough. You deserve better than that :)
2007-11-07 08:05:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋