borderline personality, I think my girlfreind suffers from it and is making my kids and I suffer?

Question

I fear my girlferind has BPD, from the years I have known her, well, the relationship started off as a freindship fling that led to another type, but it seemed to had started the first step she put in my house. But now, we have kids, oldest at 6, this relationship is a more consecuence type rather than by choice. Since then its liek, It is a struggle for me to get out of the house to go anywhere, if iwant to get out with my daughters I have to bassically have a good reason for it, its almost as if i have to take my gfreind along all the time. SHe always seem throw munky wrenches into everything I want to do from going to have coffee to hanging out with my ferinds, she's obsessive, possesive, and I dont know what else. We get into arguments where she seems to have a lapse of amnesia, sh sometimes bursts into totally uncontroable rage when i tell her something that hits a nerve be it truth or what not, then trys to coaxe me to like hit her, its almost like she strives to fight with h

Well, to add, as far as getting out, she has the chance to get out all the time, in fact , I urge her to, but "it seems" that if she does go then when I'd like toget out without a hitch she will have to let me or something, "it seems". This isnt all the time, its just things have boiled over to when we argue its always about the same thing, she has her bouts of depression that I actually try hard to help her with, i even tell her to take this, workout more, exersise more I will help, go with so and so, etc. But all she does is say "ok, I will, yeah you're right , ok" but nothing. i told her once that it would make more since if she did drugs or was an alcoholic but she isnt as far as I know, she comes from a unts CHristian Anderson type family so its weird. I would think she was just spoiled rotten in her upbringing and she still lives around me but as if she is still being babied at her parents house and at late 20's?!! what gives? Really, when we argue, its almost as if she is in ...

In another realm or world, like she doesnt really infact hear what I really say. There were times when I would ask her a question pertaining to her and our situation and she would respond in " you know.. you know, your such an a**hole, you're this and that" and I would tel her that she didnt even answer me, its like as if she tunes me out when I'm trying to get a point across or ask a question then tunes back in to call me names or start screaming at me. Its like everything I say she doesnt hear. I try to tell her that for 5 years I have followed her pattern of beaviour, that alot of times she cops out of stuff. Sometimes I see her carrryon and its as if she has a box over her head, like she isnt really in our world just in her own or something, occasionaly. I do remmeber her mother warning me about how she is, very irrational and did not take no for an answer....at all, she warned me about how she has a fatal attraction on me, but it was too late at the time, even when I tried end it

Things have gotten a bit better BUT still, its just its like, she isnt a little of both, its either she goes extreme opposites of her moods. I work at night and take care of our kids during the day yet when it comes to me wanting to go anywhere its a fight, OR, she has this nack of when im getting ready to go she will say something to make me think or feel guilty, even when it is said in the utmost innocence so as not to throw a monkey wrench in my plans but she is that manipulating. But then that could be my fault for listening i guess.

I bring this to Ask is because this is just not normal, I can understand dissagrements and arguments about being out too late to looking at other women, but sheesh, the way she is just doesnt seem normal I feel like I have to have a dog colar on or something, thats how I feel, like I cant breathe or jump without her permission, its almost there is something that she cant help feeling or acting the way she does. Its gotten to where now I want to seek out some company by a normal woman but even that will bring more bad tidings. At times I threaten to leave, to find my own place and then she throws in my face about how she will move away out of state and not let me see my kids, or something so stupid like that manner ugh! The I close and tell her that someday something will happen where we have no power over that we will not be able to stick togetther, one of the only reasons why i have stuck it out is for my kids.

Over all, I dont go out at all, hardly, I fear to ask, and if anything its occasional but mostly to the store or to jam out with freinds, and even then its almost a struggle. She has her chances to go, i always tell her to go out but she wont, but most , this doesnt all have to do with going anywhere, its her moods, she has medication but wont take it.

At this moment things are good , its just like I said, always when I want to go someplace, or she gets these moods (which seem all the time) and the deg. energy that she tends to emit gets to everyone, even when she comes home my youngest seems to get antsy. I'm sure geting a court invilved if we part, will help with out children but hell, i'm afraid to do that either, I am already fighting for one that is of another relationship and that EX is just as bad I dont know, maybe its where I live, its like a sink hole of negative energy. One aspect can be, is that she was apopted, I try to hold that into consideration when we or she has episodes, like a seperation anxiety on her part. Gah, i just wish she can get a grip.

Answer 1

She may have post natal depression, you can only suggest she see a Doctor. There is support for families in your situation, try Home Start (a charity) or a Sure Start children's center. How much does your girlfriend get out herself? Having two children myself I know you can become depressed if you don't get time by yourself or with your partner. She's probably jealous of you going out on one hand and on the other, doesn't want to be left alone. As far as her coaxing you to hit her, is she actually asking you to hit her? If not, then I'd say that just because she's frustrating, angering you, etc, is no reason to think that she wants you to hit her. You may have to leave in the end, but try and get help first because the best thing you can do for your children is to stay friends with their mother.

It also sounds as if you're having some nasty arguments where you're trying to tell her what you think of her. That's not a good idea, try and stick to what the arguments about. If you were to start telling me you thought I was this, that or the other, I'd be totally justified in telling you where to get off. As far as amnesia during an argument, that's normal. You're adrenalin is flowing and concentration on specifics dissapears.

Sorry, hadn't realised you're not in the UK?
I was in a similar situation where my b/f treated me as if I were the enemy. Calling me 'fat, lazy, etc... when I'd just had a baby and was breast feeding. Figure that. If that's the type of response you're getting it sounds as if she isn't seeing 'you'. Personal feeling here is that you're relationship won't get any better. What can you do to keep your children?

Answer 2

your not doing you or your kids any favors by sticking around, i'm sure those aren't memories they want to remember when they get older....the kids are number one here and its your job to protect them no matter what. kids don't need to see or hear their parents fight. not like that. be carefull, if she is edging you on to hit her its probably a trap. leave before sometime happens and you can't go back

Answer 3

Some people are just POISON together! Sounds like you better get out for your kids sake.

Answer 4

Take her to mental health chances are she is bi polar or sumthin

Answer 5

get her off the ganga or tell her to pi$$ off

Answer 6

man, get her some help