Ok, I have been with my husband since highschool, which has been long time from now....(lol) We have many differences, might i stress?....Different!... I recently had an affair, yes i know that i have done wrong. And i begin to tell how selfish i am for getting married to him. when in fact that i was going to leave him before he proposed. I often wonder why i am looking for something better, when he could be sitting on my couch. Do i have to find out the hard way? (I really wish he would change) His temper is really bad when we argue man watch out! He calls me every name in the book n always brings in my family. And the man i had an affair with....i always think of him...but then i keep telling myself that he is not good for me.....what do i do?....HELP!
2007-11-07 07:20:06 · 15 answers · asked by nurse betty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is liable to be on COP's next week.
2007-11-07 07:26:59 · answer #1 · answered by Brightside 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your in a tough spot but you seem to have a good head on shoulder so I'll give you my opinion. You were wrong for the affair, and you did the first thing which is acknowledge that, now the second thing you need to do is not make excuse as to why you did ( in ex: we argue all the time, we got married young..blah blah blah...) Regardless of what was going on in your marriage you made a vow to work it out inside the marriage, the moment you step out side for the answer to your problems you screwed up period. And the sooner you accept that and now really face the consequences for that the better off you will be. Now going forward what you both need to do is find a way to communicate properly. He may have a temper, but do you have a way of pushing his buttons or setting him off on purpose? Now, I realize either way, he shouldn't lose his temper, but you have to focus on your portion of it. Now back to you getting married right out of high school, well you say that you were going to leave him, what made you ignore whatever the problem was and stay? Also, since you didn't leave and you stayed this long, have you always been looking for something better or did at one point you try to make your current marriage work? I guess my point is there is more than one side to the story, and you seem like you need to do some soul searching and figure out what your side really is. Then on top of that your right you need to leave the man that cheated with alone, he is not good for you, you seem vunerable and confused, and he is taking advantage of that. ( I don't believe you are the victim totally, but I believe you are in tough spot and need to clarifty things bf you can really have a happy life)
2007-11-07 15:30:55 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the man who is best for you is sitting on your couch. You said it, it's been a long time that you have been together. It's a rough time, there is nothing new to discover about eachother, it is what it is. Now you and he have to think of things to make the relationship more exciting. (and having an affair is not what I mean) If he is still with you after the affair, you know he is so in love with you, and you are the one for him. I have just started counseling with my man, and it is really amazing if you go into it with a laid back attitude and with true intent to find out how to make the marriage be forever. It doesn't sound like you are done with your husband by the way you wrote your question, he's waiting for you...
2007-11-07 15:27:09 · answer #3 · answered by ~Lizzy~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and let me talk to you one on one. STAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND! Mark 10:9 (NKJV) says What God has joined together, let not man separate. You two need to get spiritual counseling. Ask God to forgive you for having the affair. You seem to be really confused about your relationship with your spouse. You state that you were considering leaving him before he proposed, then you turn around and ask why are you looking for something better, when he could be sitting on your couch. The two of you really need to seek spiritual guidance. Finding another man is not the answer. Sometime we look for better things just to find out they are worse than what we had. You know what you have at home, but if you fish in the water you may catch a mud fish and we know that's not a good fish to eat. Keep your husband and the two of you work it out and I truly wish you the best of luck.
2007-11-07 15:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by MsBlue2U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my wife for the same reason 5 years ago but I also decided not to see the woman I had an affair with. I felt a break from everything would be best and the affair was just that an affair. It was the best decision I have ever made. If you consider staying with the person that you are having the affair with make sure that you are staying for love and not just to be alone. Don't exchange freedom for another relationship that may be destine to fail.
2007-11-07 15:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were going to leave him before he proposed - then why in the world did you say yes and marry him? It does not sound like there has ever been love. And you having an affair just proves that.
You don't love your husband so leave him. It is not fair to you or him to remain together. Don't you want someone to love you and treat you with respect?
Get our now and move on with your life. Your husband will be better off too because he can find someone to love him as well.
Good Luck
2007-11-07 15:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you make me feel a little better personally. I left my ex then he proposed, I almost said yes but It wasn't for love it was for comfort. I am saying this because you make me think for sure that I made the best decision, because you were going to leave and you said yes, so your clearly with him for comfort also. Not that you don't love him, he's just what you already know and I know that love changes. I think you need to attempt to fight for your marriage. You don't want to not say that you didn't give your all so try to give your all. If it's still not working, you should leave. It's clear your heart isn't in your marriage, but you don't want to leave without saying "I worked my *** off to make this work and it didn't". Just try. However, if you don't have fight in you, and neither does him......it's going to be pointless. good luck to you.
2007-11-07 15:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say, but no one here on Y!A can really answer that for you. It's a decision that you alone will have to make. You need to weigh all of the pros and cons of being with your husband. This is a huge decision that you are making, and you really need to look at it from all angles prior to deciding. You need to ask yourself if you are truly happy and can be with your husband for the rest of your life.
Good luck friend, and I hope that no matter what you choose, that you have a happy, healthy, and prosperous life.
2007-11-07 15:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by BeezKneez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you ended your marriage when you had the affair.All that's left to do now is pack.Why would you sleep with someone you know isn't good for you?You should let your husband get on with his life and get a divorce and next time you want sex try going home!
2007-11-07 15:29:06 · answer #9 · answered by notagain49 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of both of them. why is the one u had an affair with not good for you? give more detail on that situation. if your husband is calling you names and treating you unfairly and your thinking abotu another man you need to get out of the relatinship, your just wasting your time
2007-11-07 15:23:47 · answer #10 · answered by Angel*Eyesz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should consider time on your own. Perhaps a trial separation? If he calls you every name in the book, he doesn't respect you. If you are seeking affection etc outside of the marriage, you don't respect him. Take a time out and think about it.
2007-11-07 15:24:02 · answer #11 · answered by Cheekygrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋