roommate issue - second try as not enough responses?

Question

How to deal with a frenemy that's a roommate?
I can't exactly move out. and she's not bad all the time. she's self absorbed enough to not notice that I actually don't like her any more. I'm trying to match her superficiality in conversation and skid by with distant politeness. I won't go into details but she's extremely toxic as a friend, we used to be so close and now I've been hurt by her emotional distance, her rudeness (cancels hangout times constantly, has loud sex when I've mentioned how it bothers me, never cleans).
We were once pretty close, but in waves, I would be so happy when she'd open up to me, and then she'd cancel or go back to being cagey. She has few female friends. I don't want to be her friend. I have to deal with her though, since we live together. I don't want to screw up the balance in the house and make it spelled out that I don't like her. But my blood pressure goes up when I deal with her. How do I deal with my emotions and maintain my composure/sanity?

Answer 1

I feel for you! - You can either deal with this or move out.

Consider moving out - just look around at other places, whats your budget?Can you afford your own place?

The loud sex is not on and that is disgusting that you have to contend with that. I would be livid. You should be insulted at this disregard.

Get over the hurt - in 5 years you wont be able to remember her name! This woman is nothing to you I promise, it only seems like it now.

You cant reason with ignorance so you can stand your ground and draw the line but you cannot force and with some people you cannot reason. accept this. save the grief confrontation and stress.

You can just back off this person and make them less important in your life so they are less of an issue. Stop looking for feedback from her - its a toxic exercise.

In life, you be polite, be true to yourself, have integrity and treat others with respect. When you make yourself clear to others in a respectful way and they stay disrespectful - you get out of there!

Learn this for relationships and your job later in life and you will save yourself a lot of stress. I'm older than you and know this from experience.(took me years to learn this).

Answer 2

Talk to her about it. You'll find that communicating can solve pretty much every interpersonal problem. Tell her exactly what you wrote here: you're hurt by her emotional distance, you don't like it when she's rude and cancels on you, she's not holding up her end of the bargain when living together.

Time to set some ground rules that both of you can follow, for the good of the household. Get together with her and come up with a cleaning schedule. Sex is a private act and should not be verbally shared by others in the household; please refrain from engaging in such activities if you can't keep it down.

I had a similar situation and ended up moving out, and it was the best decision I ever made. I, however, was not proactive and did not talk about my issues with my roommate; instead, I just packed up and left, and she was completely blown away. Try to work it out before taking any drastic measures, but this may be a relationship that needs to end with such measures if you don't talk to her.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

some times friends shouldn't live together because this happens.
couple of options

-talk to her about it
-do stuff that she hates and maybe she'll move out
-you move out
-have sex with her bf/brother/best friend/dad (lol) and maybe she'll be so hurt she'll leave?? probably won't work

that's a tough situation
that's why i wouldn't live with some of my friends because we wouldn't be anymore if we did