i have NOT cheated on him, but he's ALWAYS suspicious of me and picks apart everything i say & do to try & fit it into his somewhat paranoid theory. i'm so tired of him not trusting me... and now he actually said to me "the baby's probably not even mine".... i'm so hurt! he's treating me as if i've done what his ex did (she DID cheat on him & didn't know if the baby was his or not).
i don't know what to do!! :(
i'm about to give up trying anymore. it's too stressful dealing with his suspicions almost EVERY day. i'm getting so depressed, and i tell him how i feel & he says stuff like "laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?"... well i'm honestly at my breaking point and he isn't getting it.
any advice?
2007-11-07 07:15:34 · 21 answers · asked by Ember Halo 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh, i'm 24 weeks pregnant.
2007-11-07 07:17:47 · update #1
he won't go to counselling.
i've begged, but he'd rather pack up & leave than go to counselling.
2007-11-07 07:31:18 · update #2
i've tried to leave before (even for a few minutes during a fight) and he won't let me out the door... and if i do get by, he yells about me going to see "my boyfriend" (when in reality i've got no where to go & planned to just sit in my car for a while)
2007-11-07 07:38:38 · update #3
Tell him that he is working on loosing you and HIS baby. That is not a good situation, I know exactly how he feels, because I used to be like that with my husband and he asked for a separation. We were apart 2 months and I hated it because I knew it was my fault. I changed and I trust him, but I do go back to my old ways every now and then. I try to correct it as much as I can, but it is hard to forget that we've been cheated on and we just want to avoid that pain again. The only pain that hurts more than anything else is to actually be on the verge of loosing what you love the most because of your own fault. That's how I learned to trust and respect my husband the way I should have done since the beginning.
2007-11-07 07:22:36 · answer #1 · answered by why ask 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
WOW! The fact that he didn't trust me would send me over the edge and I would leave him. You're pregnant, the only thing that should cross your mind is "is my child healthy? Did I get enough to eat today?" There's nothing you can do right now to ease your husbands suspicions. You tell him that your focusing on the baby's well being and he should too! That's what good daddy's do! There are also DNA tests that can be done once the baby is born but it is quite expensive. I would make him pay for it if I
knew I was faithful and he was the one with all the questions. Tell him to MAN UP and be a dad.
2007-11-07 15:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all he has major issues he is going to have to work out. I think counselling maybe the right answer. If you have never given him a reason not to trust you, then he is sooooooooo wrong for making you feel this way. He is bringing old baggage into your relationship. He has to realise you are not his ex. The only way this relationship is going to work is if he trusts you. He has to stop accusing you! Don't let him treat you this way! He is verbally beating you down so you are scared to leave him. It's not good for you or the baby. Can you put the relationship on hold until he gets his mind right?? Best wishes! Congratulations on the baby!
2007-11-07 15:24:13 · answer #3 · answered by QTpie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah I've dealt with the "cheating ex syndrome" as well. The only thing to do is reassure him, but it sounds like you've exhausted all options. If he is really concerned have him pay for a paternity test. Then he'll shut-up.
I can't imagine how frusterating it must be. It wouldn't even make a difference if you did cheat since you are already being accused! Next time he accuses you just tell him you did.
2007-11-07 15:37:48 · answer #4 · answered by Cassandra C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was reading my husbands book, "The Expectant Father" last night and it stated that 60% of men have the same fears and doubts. If his ex did cheat & he had doubts before, he's probably even MORE likely to feel that way.
He has no right to be so insensitive to you... especially when you are carrying his child.
Would he go to couseling? (I swear by it!)
***Edit***
It sounds like he needs a wake up call. If you have family or friends nearby, I would get away for a few days. It might help; couldn't hurt. (((((HUGS)))))
***Edit***
If he refuses counseling, I agree w/ maybe.
My hubby used to do the same things... before his anger got worse.
2007-11-07 15:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out now, to get rid of the stress in your life that you don't need when you are pregnant. Stay with family till the baby is born.
Then, get your husband to have a paternity test done with you. When you get the results showing he is the father, have those results and divorce papers served on him at the same time.
Let him pay for the privelege of ever seeing his child again. He is not good for you and certainly wont be good for your baby.
Good Luck
2007-11-07 15:23:45 · answer #6 · answered by mn lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I have seen your other questions about this man, and I'm seeing red flags all over the place. He has some problems that he is unwilling to address, and his behavior is manipulative, to say the least. History tells us that men who exhibit this kind of behavior end up committing acts of physical or verbal abuse (if he hasn't already). PLEASE do not wait to become a statistic. Kick him out, leave him, relocate if you must... but please do NOT stay with him. He needs a serious wake up call if the relationship is to be saved...and if he is unwilling to change, YOU DON'T WANT TO SAVE IT.
Legal separation is often a good litmus test to determine whether a relationship is worth keeping. I strongly encourage you to take drastic action - the sooner the better.
2007-11-07 16:07:44 · answer #7 · answered by not yet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to try any more. People like your husband have issues that have nothing to do with you, but they are more than willing to take them out on you.
What I'd do is get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born, file for divorce and get child support and full custody. Because what he is doing is abuse and he will abuse the child in the same manner.
2007-11-07 15:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a paternity test to ease his mind. He's obviously still has issues from his previous marriage that he needs counseling for. Until he's dealt with this through therapy there's always going to be a problem in your marriage with security issues and him making false accusations.
2007-11-07 15:41:36 · answer #9 · answered by Christy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A paternity test will prove that it's his. Also, people who are cheating tend to accuse their partners all the time...either that or he is VERY distrustful. You guys need to go to counseling...it doesn't sound like he is offering a very healthy example of what a husband should be to your child (when it gets older).
2007-11-07 15:25:01 · answer #10 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋