Ex e-mails me out of the blue and wants to meet?

Question

I've been married for 4 years now and haven't seen my last boyfriend for about 5 years. Our relationship ended when I met my husband, and "John" was really upset by it. I actually think he might have been working up the nerve to propose to me when I met my husband, so he kept calling me throughout my engagement and up until the wedding. After my wedding, he called to say he met a wonderful woman and was getting married, too. I ended all contact with him after that (I had to tell him it wasn't right for me to talk to an ex when I was married, and NO, we couldn't be friends. That's just weird.) About once a year or so I'll get a Hi, how are you e-mail from him updating me on his life and I would write back...then he would fade out again. Just got another e-mail from him out of the blue, and after I responded, he followed up with "I'm going to be in your town for business. Would you like to meet up for lunch?" What is that? He's married, I'm married, why does he want to meet up?

Answer 1

He is probably going through some issues with his chick and wants to test the waters with you again. If you do meet with him, just bring your hubby along so the two can meet. That will keep the conversation on a friendly level and it will reinforce to him that regardless of how HIS relationship is going YOU are still happily married. 8-)

Answer 2

When my dad died, I called my ex because I knew he would want to know. We met for dinner, talked about our families and caught up with relatives and old friends .... it was a nice
1 1/2 hour lunch. No sparks flew... no plans to meet in the future. It was a just a nice lunch. He also sent a beautiful spray to the funeral.

But you know this man. If you plan to meet, it very well might just be harmless. Two people getting together who shared a past. If it starts going another direction, you can always leave. But no matter what... make certain your husband is okay with this.

Answer 3

Well, I think he wants to still hook up with you, married or not, he has fantasies. If you and him had really remained friends, in the true sense of the word (sharing thoughts, dreams, asking opinions), then this probably would be just a friendly get together. Since it doesn't sound like you are friends, but just acquaintences keeping in touch, I think he is still hung up on you and wants more. Bring your husband to lunch, or be upfront with him before excepting the invitation to go alone and don't hide if from your hubby.

Answer 4

Sometimes, after scars heal and you can get past all hurt and emotions you end up being able to be good friends with your ex. Clearly he is someone you at one point of time cared for very much. As long as you've both moved on and are content in life its ok to be friends. He probably wants to meet just as friends to see how you are and build up a friendship. I would go... unless it is not OK with your new husband. If he has any concerns at all about it don't risk upsetting or hurting him for lunch.

Answer 5

it's possible that he just wants to have a friendly lunch...i dated my first bf for 7 years, we broke up 8 years ago, and we are wonderful friends. he is also getting married in Dec. so it's possible that he just wants to be friends and catch up but it sounds like deep down you don't think it's a good idea so I wouldn't. Just tell him nicely thank you but you'll have to pass. I'd also stop the e-mails all together because THIS is what happens and it doesn't seem like you feel comfortable at all with it. Just decline and don't worry about it.

Answer 6

Maybe he just wants to meet up and catch up and look back on old times. Maybe he wants more. We can't answer that for you. But you can't ever know for sure if you don't meet up with him. Talk to your husband and ask him how he feels about it. You never know, your husband might not feel too bad about you meeting up with him for lunch or something--especially if your relationship is a solid one built on trust. Figure out what boundaries your husband would feel comfortable with (i.e. lunch but no alcohol to drink; specific time limit, etc.) then e-mail your ex telling him those boundaries for the meeting.

Answer 7

Say yes. Let's do lunch. Act normal, but bring your husband along. After all, if he really does want to be friends, he is going to have to make friends with your husband too. More than likely if he is trying to be more than friends, your husband will scare him off. If he is really serious, he will contact the both of you again, for another occasion.

Answer 8

He may just view this as lunch with an old friend. (Such things aren't unheard of.)

If you want to go and you're husband is OK with it, why not? You may have a good time and discover that you can be "just friends".

On the off-chance that when you get there he's interested in more than lunch, end it there and walk away.

Answer 9

Take your husband with you when you go meet him or if your husband asks you to stay i would do that , i had a old high school chum that wanted to meet me i was married his was too . i en ed up meeting him and he wanted more ... he said i feel like i missed out on some thing when we had the chance we didn't .. he wanted SEX i just left the rest rant

Answer 10

You know why.. don't go. In situations like this I just think why I would do something like that. I would leave well enough alone. Wouldn't your husband have an issue with this? And if you didn't tell him, that would be even worse. I can't imagine how hurt I'd be if my fiance went to meet his ex-girlfriend, and we're not even married yet! He's in your past. Let it be.