School or work. This is the ultimatum issued by my husband.?

Question

We are both at the masters level. We have three kids age 7-2. I currently work full time. My employer is one of the best in the county ie. good benefits/state employer. I want to attend school next semester. I don't want to not have income or benefits both are scarce where we live. I feel that I can take two classes and work. Classes are at night. My husband worries that he will end up picking up the "slack" and that the kids will suffer. He has a legitimate concern, but things do not pan out when he plans them particularly in finances. I have considered asking for reduced hours. Any suggestions, advice, or comraderie will be appreciated..

no i don't have masters. he wants to continue to ph.d program.

Yes the m.a. would help me get a professional career.

Answer 1

This is a very difficult position. I understand the need to finish your master's and go to school but I believe that you only have one shot to be your kid's mom.

I am sorry that I have to side with him on this one. Sometimes, when you are working so hard to balance things out, you find that something has got to give...and since you presumably love your husband and I am certain you love your kids it is going to have to be school or work.

You should consider yourself very fortunate to have a husband who supports you quitting your job to go back to school and if it will advance your career then I say go for it--but not before you sit down and create a financial gameplan. Look together at what things will be like if you went half to work and half to school during the day...or if you just went full force into school to finish as quickly as possible...or how much you might expect to earn at your job if you wait until the kids are older and more self-sufficent vs. the impact it would have on you financially to go back right away....or what your financial picture would look like if you waited for HIM to finish school, keep your job until then--then let HIM work and have the benefits for your family while you go back...(which I think is preferable...)

In anycase, your kids are only 7 and 2 or 8 and 3 or 9 and 4 once in their lives and the master's program really can wait...but you will honestly never regret watching them grow up, having dinner with them, tucking them in bed, or reading them a story...

Good luck!

Answer 2

Unless you have a nanny and other domestic help or are perfectly comfortable having a physical and emotional breakdown while your marriage disintegrates and your children cry for momma, your husband is RIGHT.

Full time work with 3 kids and 2 classes is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe I am reading between the lines, but it does not sound like this is being planned as a team effort. Try planning longer range who will take classes when and how you will juggle finances and child care.

If you've gotten this far, this is what I suggest: Get that domestic help - a mom's helper in the afternoons, someone to cut the lawn, a maid, don't worry about putting dollars away for now, reduce the hours and stick with them reduced b/c you will definitely experience "creep" where you are supposed to work 25 hours but are working 30-35 and most of all, mark your calendars for Saturday morning kids (NO chores, housework etc) and Sat night spouse.

Good luck. I think you will need it.

Answer 3

Tell your husband to suck it up and deal with picking up the slack. That's what it means to be married - some days you take, some days you give. If you know you can handle it, keep the job and take the classes. Your 7 year old should be self sufficient enough that your husband wouldn't have to do much so really, it's the 2 year old he'd have to worry about. In today's job market, I would hesitate to give up your salary, especially if your husband isn't very good with money. Seriously - people do a lot more with less. Your husband needs to get a grip. I wish you much success.

Answer 4

I think your top priority has to be your family, and though it's not "fair", since you recognize his concerns are valid, it seems your desire to go back to school should be put on the back burner. Some people seem to think your spouse has control issues- only you know the true answer to that. Just because someone discourages something doesn't mean it's a control issue. Your kids are young enough to still need a few hours of your attention and focus every day and if you are working and schooling, they likely won't get that. I think you need to put them first for now.

Answer 5

Understand, that you may be able to "take two classes and work", but what will it do to what little you have of your relationship. You are both already semi-sacrificing a healthy marriage even now. Anything added will definately bring only unhealthiness to your marriage.

We wholeheartedly discourage such academic goals within marriage. The stats are outrageous of those who have put education as a higher importance the their marriage.

I would highly recommend commencement on education and a re-shifting of the focus on your marriage.

Answer 6

I'm never short on opinions but honestly, this is a true husband wife issue. We don't live at your house or know the ins and outs of your living situation. You sound like two people who have it together, which is a rarity on this site.

You need to figure out what's more important to you, this one is your choice lady, good luck.

Answer 7

I think by asking your employer to reduce your hours will help you out with taking your classes next semester....I am concerned by your husband's ultimatum....he sounds to be controlling and doesn't want to help with the kids....not very supportive in my opinion...

Answer 8

Um i dont think your job will allow you to take 3-6 months leave of absence. I think you should maybe take 1 class at night or on the weekend if you really need to get ahead. Your husband should understand that.

Answer 9

If you think you can handle it go for it! Your husband should be willing to pick up the slack for a little while! It's not like two classes are going to take you the rest of your life to get through! He needs to realize that! You are just trying to better yourself, don't let him take that away from you!

Answer 10

Your husband needs to stop being afraid and trying to hide from his responsibilities. Forget about you for a moment He is NOT picking up any slack. Those kids are just as much his as yours. Anything he does for them IS NOT A FAVOR HE HAS DONE FOR YOU he is supposed to take care of his children just as you are and the kids are not "your job". You tell him where to stick it and go take your classes. what a bum.