Women out there: Please help!!?

Question

I would appreciate honest answers from women out there. I dated a girl seriously for 4 years, and in that time, I could not get myself to get married. I wanted to be with her, but simply didnt want to be married. After many false promises (yes, I know, it was bad) of marriage, she finally left me and 5 months later she married an old friend of hers. When I finally felt ready to get married, she said it was too late. I was hurt and am still very hurt, she is now married for 7 months. She has called me many times since and told me she simply wanted to "be a wife" and "be married." She said she still loves me so much, made a bad choice, and wants to be with me, but the reality is she is married. I tell her to divorce, and she said she wants to give her marriage "a shot." Will she make herself happy? Is there a chance she finally will just be so unhappy that she gets divorced? I dont want to wait around for her, its just I love her and dont know what to do based on what she tells me

Answer 1

She is playing you! Yes you were wrong to make empty promises, but she is wrong to keep stringing you along as well. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have married him so fast, and she would be WITH YOU. Don't fall for it, because bottom line, if she loves you so much, and wants to be with you, she wouldn't be trying to make that marriage work, and she would be with you. Plain and Simple!!

Answer 2

you're not a bad guy. Many men make false promises to "shut up" their women about the nagging of marriage. My boyfriend did it. Lol. Only when he started planning it with me did I know he finally was serious. You can't try to break up her marriage though. You don't have the right to. Would you want another man to break up your marriage? She may not Love her friend..but she felt at the time it was the only option she had. There sounds like there is a strong possibilility that she will end up divorcing him..but don't jump up and down in excitement if she does. If you were to date while she was still married to him, chances are that she'll become angry and say you never Loved her. This is tough. I really don't know how to help you. It's been 7 months in the marriage and she's still with him..personally...I would move on..but that's my opinion

Answer 3

If she REALLY loved you, marriage wouldn't have mattered and she would have been happy with you without the ring.
It seems obvious that she was in love with the thought of marriage, and it didn't matter who it was with. She will never be trully happy because of this, and in these times people get divorced all the time.
What you need to do is stop letting this girl control your life. You need to make yourself happy - and you will probably be alot happier when you find someone who loves YOU, and not the promise of something you're not ready to give them. She's not happy so she's crying to you - but really she just doesn't want to be alone. Try your best to forget about her - tell her to go live her life with her new husband (and you should tell the husband what she's been saying, because he doesn't deserve to have a wife like that - wouldn't you want to know if you were him?) and go meet some new girls. You'll eventually find one that's much better.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Yes there is a chance that she will be so miserable without you that they will divorce! Also, there is a chance that she may really love and respect her husband some day. But life isn't all about chances, I mean there is a chance I might hit the lottery and win 10 billion dollars, but I won't hold my breath waiting on it. If I were you I would not be sucked into this type of drama. I know its very appealing bc you really do love her, but I think the safest thing is to tell her that you love her very much, and that you want her to be happy, while you prefer that its with you, you respect her decision to stay in her marriage. With that being said, let her know this is a very difficult decision, but you believe its for the best, and for you to move on with your life you need for her to let you go as well, and not call you anymore. Now if she is really in LOVE with you, she will come back to you, and your heart will still be hers. But on the other hand if she just wants to be a wife to her current husband more than she loves you, than she will do just that, be his wife! And either way you need to move on!

Answer 5

I'd still try to date another people, but at the same time keep a look-out for her. But the only thing is that she just got married and since her husband was also one of her friends its hard for her to just divorce him otherwise she would've done it already. But if her marriage is like the marriages that "young hollywood" is in divorcing after a year or two then you have a good shot. Just trying to give you something positive to think about for you amongst all the negative ones....Good Luck.

Answer 6

At least she knows what she wants...she wants to be a wife and a mother....and apparently she finally got tired of waiting for you to ask her to marry you.....unfortunately it sounds like she married the next guy to come along that was willing to marry her...and now she realizes it. You are right....she is married....and you would be wise to cease all contact with her....She needs to find out if she wants to stay in her marriage and make an honest attempt to make it work...It is possible that she will stay married and will find happiness...and the opposite is possible as well...that she will be so unhappy and will end up divorced....If you were meant to be together...then you would have been together....Love her from afar....at least for now...you had your chance....

Answer 7

She married this guy for the wrong reason, and she would have married you for the wrong reason, too. If the only reason she wanted to get married was to just "be married" and "be a wife", that is a poor reason. Until she finds someone who she wants to marry because she loves them and doesn't want to be with anyone else in the world, I doubt any of her marriages will work out, whether she marries you, some other guy, or the man in the moon.

Answer 8

Honestly.. you probably should go find yourself another love interest. This woman married some other guy just because she wanted to be a wife and be married. I don't think she knows what love is.

For her to be calling you when she's made her choice and married another is wrong. This shows that the woman has no integrity and she is probably a cheater.

What would you do if you waited for her, married her and then found out she was calling some other guy.. cuz she just married you because she wanted to be married.

The whole thing smells bad man! Go find yourself a woman who is worthy of your love and your new found maturity.

Answer 9

Oh dang... thats jacked up. Does she realize that marriage is not a mmm.. I'll give it a try thing? Its a COMMITMENT. And if she wants to break it off with this guy so fast, what makes you think she wont do that to you? I know you were with her forever but this situation is messed up.

I think you ATLEAST should date other people, see if there is someone out there that the first time you meet them, you can't stop thinking about them ect... because when you find "the one" nothing matters, you just want to be with them for the rest of your life, and can't wait to start.

You say you weren't ready but maybe thats because you were never ready to marry HER. I'm sorry you're hurt but I'm sure some other woman is dying to meet you!

Answer 10

Ok, I am in a similar situation, so I can relate. Only I am still in the relationship hoping for marriage. No....do not wait for her to get divorced. You have to move on, no matter how hard it is for you. You have been loving her from a distance for the past 7 months, you can keep going. Don't sit around and let her string you along, (although you did do it to her). Unfortunately, she said that she wanted to be a wife....sounds to me like she wanted to belong to someone, it did not matter who it was. I would think twice if I were you. Let the dust clear, take a deep breath, and move on. Don't wait on her. Good luck.

Answer 11

I feel bad for you but if she married someone else so quickly then maybe you are better off. I was with my husband for 8 years before we got married. I knew even if we were never going to be married that I was with the one I wanted to be with at the begining and ending of each day. We have been together for 15 years now, 7 of it as husband and wife. Don't ask her to get divorced, she might break your heart.