My wife will no longer do anything without me. I have a life of my own, I go out with friends to a bar or something usually once a week. Her friends call her to do things and if it is not on the night I am going out she will not go. Her friends are getting tired of it and no longer call. I have asked her several times to go out and do something and she never does. Recently she has triend to make me feel guilty for having fun without her. I take her out usually once a week to see a band or out to eat and she still gets upset if I go out without her once in a while. She is smothering me and I need help.
2007-11-07 04:47:14 · 22 answers · asked by Bob B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why did you get married?? I know a lot of men that would kill for ther wifes to want to do stuff wth them!! In our marriage we are eachothers best friends. we are lucky enough that 95% of our hobbies and likes and dislikes are the same and if we do decide to go out with someone it's our other married friends. What does a married man doing in a bar by him self anyways?
2007-11-07 04:54:18 · answer #1 · answered by smile4kitty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you wife feels an obligation to be home when you're home. You need to assure her that you are capable of staying home alone. You also need to tell her that you both need your space. She needs to interact with her friends and you need to do the same. You take her out every week and that's fine. When you're home together, you should also spend time with her in conversation, or in some other capacity. Do you guys play cards together, read the Bible, watch a good movie, play chess, discuss the news, or something like that occasionally? That's something else you guys can do together. Still, you need time away from one another.
In a loving manner, tell your wife that you feel smothered. Tell her that you love her, but that you're a guy and you need time with the guys. Once you've explained it, don't let her make you feel guilty anymore. Be her loving husband, as you've been; and enjoy the time you spend with your friends. She'll have the option of joining her friends, or staying home. If she chooses not to interact with her friends, that's okay--as long as it doesn't infringe on your time. If her friends are getting tired of calling, that's their problem; so don't worry about that. Sit down and talk this over with your wife. Then, let her decide how she wants to spend her evenings. Be sure you tell her that you don't mind her going out when you're home. You're a big boy and you can take care of yourself for a few hours. Best wishes!
2007-11-07 05:37:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like shes not getting enough attention from you. One thing i learned is sitting with her when you get home and having a one on one talk about each others day. Doing little things for her throughout the week, a note, or compliment her. Dont push her away right now because it will make it worse. For now, maybe cut down on the days you go out, maybe every other week. Just for now to fix the situation with her. That or take her with you, or have her drop you off etc.
2007-11-07 04:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by nobudy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the problems with marriage is that sometimes people think that because you have now said "I do" it means that anything and everything from there on out is as a "couple".
In order to be the best spouse you can be you must first be the best "you" you can be. Don't lose site of yourself within the realm of your marriage. Talk to your wife - and tell her that you love being with her, but you understand the need for each of you to have your own time as well as time together.
2007-11-07 05:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by Susie D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe once in a while you should let her hang out with you and your friends so that she can see that it's really just hanging out with the guys. I think that her issue is that since she doesn't hang out with friends of her own for whatever reason, she feels you should do the same and doesn't realize that this is not normal or healthy. You guys should do things out together, and alone, and out together with other friends to create a balance that won't make the other one uncomfortable. But she does need to have her own friends and own time with herself. Talk with her, maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing. Let her know you aren't running away from her or trying to distance yourself from her. Just that sometimes you like to do things outside of the relationship that keeps balance for you personally.
2007-11-07 05:10:27 · answer #5 · answered by Erica D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your wife is definitely codependent, I know this because I'm the same way. I feel weird going out w/o my man, which isn't healthy.
We've established a day of the week where we both can do whatever we feel like. This works well because my friends know which day I'll actually leave the house, and I can't feel ditched if he goes out that day because I had my chance to make plans.
2007-11-07 05:09:45 · answer #6 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think every relationship needs a little space sometimes. It's not always good to be tied on the hip of your mate. Someone is bound to get on the other persons nerves. She does need to have her own circle of friends. There is nothing wrong with that. My fiancee and I spend the majority of our time with our girls when we are not working. On his day off while the girls are at school we spend time together. She needs to stop whining. Hell at least you do give her time. My ex-husband would just get up in the mornings on his day off and never would take me anywhere. He would go hangout with his cousins instead of his wife and children.
2007-11-07 07:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by Bree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that's because that's how its always been between you and her and now suddenly your showing her less attention and telling her more or less you don't want her, are you cheating? or thinking about it, I agree maybe you need to stay out of the bar be thank-full you have someone who loves you shes not in the bar or anywhere else shes right in front of you and seems like your throwing her away , remember how you felt when you first was in love how would you feel if she told you we shouldn't date so much get a life because your to clingy do you think you would be married to her today think stop being selfish
2007-11-07 05:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by dontcha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe stop the bar scence for awhile, take her with you when you go or you can go and tell her hey come down to the bar later. If you start putting distance between you two then that's when the marriage starts to crumble. I wish you and your wife the best.
2007-11-08 04:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jenny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, your wife needs to find her own outside interests... she could take up a hobby, take a class, join a gym, and yes do things with friends.
I'm not sure why she's so clingy. If this is a major issue in your lives, perhaps consider counseling of some sort.
2007-11-07 04:50:46 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋