Hello, I have been seeing a girl casually for around 5 months. 6 weeks after we met she told me she was pregnant. She told me that she wanted to keep it. I said OK as I felt I couldn't tell her otherwise. I now know I don't want to be with her - it would never work + have told her this. I have assured her that I will be there for the baby as much as possible and pay any maintenance etc. She is very upset and now 18 weeks pregnant. There is no-one else involved. I was in a 10 year marriage that split 2 years ago and have 2 other children I adore also. She has daughter from a previous relationship I want to know your opinions on whether I've done the right thing as I feel terrible that she is so hurt.
2007-11-07 04:02:05 · 22 answers · asked by Flymo50 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Keeping a relationship going simply because of children is 100% wrong every time. I can see why she is upset that you have not even tried to make it work, but if you are sure in your own mind it wouldn't I can't see you have any alternative.
2007-11-07 04:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by eriverpipe 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well done for being straight with her but make sure you are supportive during the pregnancy and don't just abandon her until the birth. Make it clear that you intend to be an equal part of the childs life and you will be financially supportive.
Just make sure you don't give her false hope about getting back together though as she will be very hormonal at the moment. I'm 5 months pregnant and at about 3 months the father decided that although he wanted the baby he didn't want me. Then proceeded to call round and tell me how much he loves me, sleep with me then decide that "he just can't do it" every other week. Just be straight and don't lead her on and you should be fine.
I think you have done the right thing because at least she now has chance to prepare herself and will be used to being alone by the time the baby is born. Also it saves the baby getting used to you being a couple and then having to adapt when you inevitably break up.
2007-11-07 12:35:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would not be fair to her or the child to stick around for the sake of the child if you would not be happy. There really is no excuse in this day and age for becoming pregnant if you don't want to so perhaps she was planning to become pregnant all along. You should maintain a cordial friendship with her because once you have a child together you are linked for life no matter who comes and goes in your romantic life. The baby won't be a baby forever, they will be a person who will want to spend time with you and need help. I don't know where your ex lives but you will have to find a place to live between both of your families. It will make any future relationships you have doubly difficult because you will have your two families who must come first before anyone else. She will be the one who has the hardest job though. She wil have to work and find money for childcare and being a single parent is no easy task! No wonder she is upset, I would be devastated at the thought of going through it all alone.
2007-11-07 12:15:12 · answer #3 · answered by Carrie S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman, I think you have. If you know things aren't going to work, you shouldn't try to for the baby. It's the wrong reason. Plus you both have other children involved.
Instead of working on a physical and emotional relationship. Try to work on a more emotional friendship, that would support your child and not cause conflict between you two.
And as in any breakup, no matter how short or long the relationship is someone is liable to get hurt. Theres nothing you can do about that, just be there for your new child and work on building a stable environment for that child.
I hope this helps...... good luck!
2007-11-07 12:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. She is bound to be hurt especially if she still has feelings for you but the best you can do is be there for your baby, you can't force yourself to be a couple with her. She is probably emotional at the moment (I am 25 wks pregnant and probably a nightmare to be around!!!). Just be there for scans, concerns she may have about the pregnancy and the birth if you both want to but do not let her think you will get back together as she will be even more hurt if that doesn't happen. Good luck
PS: are you sure it's yours?
2007-11-07 13:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by kittymiffyetcie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you have a very good reason for telling her it won't work. Are you sure it isn't just because you like being in a "casual" relationship where you can get the physical benefits without committing. I am suspicious of your motives, ones that you may not even be aware of.
Next time, don't have "casual" relationships with women you know you can't commit to. Even if they tell you they're hip, liberated, or whatever they're calling it these days, women are generally very hurt when they find out a man does not want to take it to the next level.
2007-11-07 12:15:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant stay in a relationship that is not working just because she is pregnant, just make sure you are involved in the up bringing of your childs life and everyone will be happy. Its not a nice situation to be in, and your ex girl friend will be ok she is probably panicking because she is going to be a single mum again. You have done the right thing!
2007-11-07 14:23:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing the right thing. All you can do is be there for her and the baby. You can not be in a romantic relationship with her just because she is pregnant. That would not be fair to anyone in the picture. Just try to be a good friend to her and a wonderful father to the baby she is carrying. Good luck to you.
2007-11-07 12:18:34 · answer #8 · answered by arobe80 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are going to be hurt when its over - but if its bad for the both of you no sense in putting into a child into a bad enviroment. Be a great dad and thats all that should matter. If it would work between you two then you'd know it. Nothing is worse than trying to salvage something that is lost for a baby. (also get a paternity test to be sure....thats my advice for ALL guys... not saying I have no faith but there is nothing worse than finding out it wasn't yours!)
2007-11-11 12:10:26 · answer #9 · answered by Happily Hippy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats cool, you know you didnt tell her to abort the baby and you told her you would be there for the baby financially and hopefully physically and mentally. hey and if you dont want to be with the mom thats totally cool as long as you acknowledge the baby. there are sooo many ppl that are in this situation and it works out, and you never know maybe one day it will for you guys. as for her personally just let her know that the two of you are very diifferent and that its best to keep things as they are for th sake of the baby. you know why get involved and then have a horrible experience that could leave you with really bad memories.
2007-11-07 12:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by lizgas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋