Men: Shall we go back to shotgun weddings?

Question

I keep hearing how ever since society was "feminized", men end up paying child support, which is just Not Fair! In the eras before feminism, when a guy got his girlfriend pregnant, he was pressured to marry her, and often did. Child support used to be called a wedding ring, guys.

SO - what if instead of pretending that a pregnant woman can easily support herself and a child, and should have no need of a husband, we just bring back shotgun weddings? That's pretty much what we did before the feminists took over, so shall we try that again instead? Or what?

Does the availibility of abortion release you from your obligation to the child? Is that the logic here? Adoption (and some forms of birth control) were always an option in the shotgun marriage days, but obviously there was still a great deal of pressure to get married instead. Would men prefer that to the current situation of child support?

As always, thanks for the insults, guys. I'm happily married, so I really am "out" of this discussion. Just wondering if men would prefer the alternative to child support.

Basically, our choices are:
shotgun weddings
welfare
or
child support
Society has never been able to accomplish the goal of mothers or small children not needing some financial support. People got sick of welfare, so we went to child support. But society clearly needs one of these options, doesn't it? Which one would men prefer?

Answer 1

I have a bf who loves me and we don't do anything that can risk pregnancy so I am out of this discussion too.

My view is that I'm sure there was a lot of pressure to get married in the past and that if marriage was seen as forced than it probably was not a happy marriage and everyone in it was miserable. Including the child/ren too.

I think that many of the men who are in here complaining about child support are the kind of men who want sexual access to women (messed up way of saying it, I hope you know what I mean) and not be responseable if she is pregnant.

Some of them also say that they are "pro life" and they disgust me.

I think that it would be fair if my daughter may want to live with her father for at least a few years and I would pay child support. I would miss not seeing her every day but if that's what she wants and her father wants too than ok it's right.

I really can't imagine what kind of man or woman would Not want to do what is right for their kids.

Answer 2

"Society has never been able to accomplish the goal of mothers or small children not needing some financial support."

Since when has it been the responsibility of society to raise children? Have you been talking to Hillary too much? I thought it was the responsibility of the birth parents.

So, a guy can either be forced to marry a woman whom he might not actually like. He can then be miserable in the marital household while all of his income goes toward the mother (who isn't working) and the child. Or he can pay much less (child support) and be free of the woman other than arranging visitation of the child. The child support option forces the woman to have some financial responsibility in the well being of the child.

I wonder how many people who engage in sexual activity think to themselves "hmmm...could I raise a child alone if necessary?" Probably not.

Answer 3

In the first place, the statement "when a guy got his girlfriend pregnant" is incorrect and somewhat sexist when used in reference to consensual sexual intercourse. Both had an active and equal position, ergo, the correct term is "a guy and gal created a pregnancy" whether either, neither or both intended it.

Second, there was far less welfare during this time, so it had some merit, which was not forcing everyone to pay for the irresponsible actions of others. When people are forced to accept responsibility for their actions, they tend to make better choices. As long as we keep rewarding bad behavior, we intensify bad behavior. When people (men and women) have to live with the consequences of their decisions, they will make better choices, which leads to a better, freer society.

Feminism demands that women (only) have choices in reproduction while eliminating men from the equation except to pay for the choice when the mother chooses. That is why we now have abortion, adoption, abandonment or keeping the child and demanding the father pay for the choice instead of accountability for everyone's individual part.

I would have no problem going back to the socially inspired "shotgun wedding" as long as "no-fault" divorce was also eliminated. However, I feel a better choice would be for both parents to be equal in responsibility and rights in regard to their offspring, whether in or out of marriage.

Answer 4

I think it is called "The Wedding Song", it is by a man at the time who was named, Noel Paul Stucky, or Stooky? Something like that. It is pronounced Stooky, I do not know how it is spelled. Ever hear of Peter, Paul, and Mary, a popular singing trio from the 1960s? Well, that is a single, probably off of an album, and now can be purchased on cd, by Paul. Either singlely or with the trio.

Answer 5

The whole point of a shotgun wedding was to ensure that the guy didn't run away, and paid for his kid. So I'm unclear on how that's any different than child support, except that it would force two people who couldn't stand each other to add to the divorce stats a few years later. Sounds healthy to me.

Answer 6

Umm, I'm not so much in favor of shotgun weddings. I wouldn't want to be stuck with a jerk because I made a mistake. I agree with everyone needing to take responsibility for their actions, but sometimes, I think getting married can make the situation worse for everyone.

Answer 7

Keep in mind that some pregnant women CAN easily support themselves and there children, but only if that was their intention all along.

Either way, it seems to me that men want to be absolved of all responsibility toward the child, financially, emotionally, and otherwise. I say we just convince them to use protection 100% of the time and shut up about it.

Answer 8

How is child support not fair? reverse the role, and he's got your child, I think it's reasonable to expect you to contribute to that child's upbringing. You helped create it, now it's your responsibility for the rest of your life.
And gosh, you can't force someone to get married. (remember that pesky little Right to Choose?) I know a lot of men who wouldn't want to get married and getting married cuz you have a kid is not a good reason to get married.
Good luck with those anger issues BTW, I'm still working on mine, but if you need help, go ahead and email.

Answer 9

I've never understood the whole "Choice for Men" argument, partially because it totally depends on the fact that women are able to choose what to do with THEIR OWN BODIES. If abortion wasn't legal, would men really advocate for the right to abandon? Of course they wouldn't. So their argument is just a "na na na na boo boo, I don't WANNA!!!"

Also... I don't think those men have really thought about what you're saying, or what their other options would be.

Answer 10

Not exactally sure how shotgun weddings change the child support situation.

Do not think much of your rant makes much sense or has too much merit either.