Can someone help me figure out how to handle Thanksgiving dinner?

Question

I am having the big dinner at my house and plan to serve over twenty. I generally prefer to serve this many people in a buffet style so that there aren't tons of dishes cluttering the table and I don't have to jump up every few minutes to refill a dish. My mother in law has been vocal this year about meals only being served family style and how much she hates buffet style. She takes offense easily and sulks if she doesn't get her way. I seem to offend her frequently without meaning to - I am apparently too blunt for her and should tiptoe around her feelings and phrase things differently. Two years ago she pouted and sulked through the meal and left early because I had someone carve the turkey in the kitchen (where everyone was gathered) and not at the table. I am stressed already and Thanksgiving is weeks away. Can anyone offer any insight or suggestions? Thanks.

Answer 1

You should explain to your mother in law that it is not Burger King and it's not going to be done her way. You are very smart to have a buffet style dinner and better yet, it would be best if your guests can bring in a covered dish.

If you want to win her over, tell her that the reason you are having buffet style, so you can spend more time with her.

Answer 2

There are some very good suggestions here...she can have it at her house, she can be in total charge at your house, and I especially liked the carpal tunnell suggestion.

I think you need to have your husband's support on this, but I would be the one to tell her it's just not feasible to serve family style.

As for carving at the table, that's just a big old mess waiting to happen. We have always carved in the kitchen, no matter how many or few people were at the table. And you have to wait too...everyone is sitting around while somebody hacks at the turkey...nope, don't care for that at all. It looks really cool when the turkey is brought into the dining room whole on a big platter, but that's something for the movies. Cut him up in the kitchen.

Answer 3

Why don't you tell your MIL that she is free to host Thanksgiving dinner if she wants. Then there will be no complaining!

Of course, that's not practical. My thought is this: When you are one person serving dinner for 20 people, unless you run a restaurant, you should not be expected to cater to everyone's whim and desire. If buffet style works for you, then by all means, do it that way. She can pout and sulk all she wants - remember she is in your house. She is free to leave and you should say so. If anyone ever complained about how I served dinner on a holiday, you can bet they'd not be invited back, including my MIL.

Just go with it and try to tune her out. You will enjoy it more if you ignore her. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I would make it known that the meal is going to be buffet style simply because it will be easier for everyone that is there, and will make for a more comfortable meal. If you want to put a few things on the dining table and the larger platters set up somewhere else that should be fine.

Have your husband tell his mother that this is how the holiday meal is being served in your house. Maybe he can diffuse her ahead of time. She sounds like a handful! :)

Good luck!

Answer 5

Do buffet style anyway!That's how my family does it, and it is a whole lot easier. If you cook everything(which i hope not), have everybody bring something different.Maybe keep a few things at the table, but have the fun,easy buffet way too. Tell your mother in law that you're sorry if she doesn't like it, but that's how you can do it, and you don't want anymore stress!

Answer 6

It's YOUR house and YOUR choice how to entertain. If she has a certain way that she likes to do things, perhaps she should entertain the 20 people at HER house.
Keep in mind that you are the one responsible for the flow of the party and the clean-up after wards. I wouldn't take her attitude so personally...it sounds as though she is just unbearable in general so no matter what you do, she will be disappointed.
You could talk to her beforehand and explain why you want to do a buffet by my guess is that she still will not be satisfied.
My advice is...it's your party and you can do what you want to.

Answer 7

I'd be tempted to plunk every dish right in front of the MIL's plate so she has no room.

But seriously, it's your Thanksgiving and if it's easier and more convenient to have it buffet then you set it up that way. I always have to do that just because of the room. Otherwise everything is on the table and people have to go sit elsewhere because there's no room at the table.

I'd also tell your husband that he'd better speak to his mom and tell her to leave you be. When the grandkids come you'll have the power to deny her access to them. You can also tell your MIL that if she wants Thanksgiving to be a certain way then she can host it at her house and do all the work.

I am so glad that I have great in-laws. Bummer for you. Tell your hubby to get his mom to back off because he owes his loyalty to you first.

Answer 8

OMG! I soo FEEL your pain!
Isn't holiday time fun? Here is a suggestion:

Call her and say: "Oh sweet, dear mother-in-law, I know how you prefer family style dinners to buffet style, so i am wondering if YOU would prefer to host Thanksgiving dinner this year at your house?"

IF having it at her home is NOT an option, try this approach:
"I have carpal tunnel [or __ insert other excuse] and will not be able to cook dinner myself. BUT I would be so terribly HONORED if you could come to my home and prepare dinner for everyone instead?"

OFFER her complete control over everything and see what she says to that.... IF she says NO to those two offers... do it YOUR way [buffet style] and she will have NO reason to sulk or complain later!

Aren't monster-in-laws such a HUGE pain in the asssteroid...?
Ugh...!

Godd luck sweetie!
: )
: )

Answer 9

sadly i can relate to your situation with your mother in law... i use to let my mother in law get her way with everything cause i hated being the bad guy especially at the holidays. but then i realized she was stressing me out, ruining my spirit and my holidays and i was tired of it. so now i do what i want especially in my own home and dont care weather or not it makes her happy or not. i realized that it really wouldnt matter what i done i wouldnt do it right or if i did she would find something else to be unhappy about with me. so i say just go ahead and do what your heart desires. do what works best for you and let her sulk and complain she really makes her self look bad when she does that. who really wants to hear someone gripe through the holidays. just remember even if no one says anything they are probably thinking i wish that woman woudl shut up and get over her problem! personally i think the buffet idea is a really great idea.i hope that you have a happy holiday season!

Answer 10

You can do your meal by courses. So bring out only some food during the meal. Or maybe get a larger table. One year I had to put a large plank over our already existing table to make it long enough to fit over the food. And I just put a table cloth over and and no one knew. Or you could just not care about what she thinks. I understand this may be hard because I have someone exactly the same as her in my family but I don't let it bother me. I have learned to deal with her you just let her pout. Good Luck!!