another poem...untitled as yet...?

Question

here's the girl who's hard to read
hard to give the help she needs
her swinging moods, her secret thoughts
appear to be with troubles fraught*
although in 'up's she's flying high
in 'low's the energy just dies/she's just about to cry**
the words are swallowed, seldom said
hard to tell what's in her head
cryptic remarks give no insight
to the adversary she fights
so how to give the help she needs?
to help the girl who's hard to read?

*wish I hadn't had to invert that verb but anyway
**and I'm not sure about this line
thought i might call it 'introvert'? or 'hard to read'? not sure. it might never have a title, like so many others.

hmm...now i look at it, i wish i hadn't put up and low in quotation marks...

'Mom' - no, i don't publish. but i did write this after a non-conversation with a friend who seemed down. do you really think it would help to let people read it?

Fred V - yes i do know poems don't have to rhyme. i have written some non-rhyming poems. but if just one line doesn't rhyme, it sounds odd.

Elisheba, i love the way you answer the poem topic rather than the writing... =P

Answer 1

Maybe the book is not meant to be read until they are dead.
Some people like their privacy and some just don't fit in this world.

Just ask and maybe she will tell you.

Answer 2

Your "...troubles fraught" is an example of what writers like myself refer to as "defective rhyme". Defective rhymes are used by even the greatest of masters from Shakespeare, to William Blake, from Byron or Dickenson, to Wordsworth or Shelley. But then, some people think that to be a poem, it has to rhyme which is false. There appears to be some confusion about the difference between a poem and song lyrics (which can also rhyme or not rhyme), but defining the difference precisely is beyond my powers of philosophy!

Poetry, even when there's no rhyme usually has meter. In ancient poetry like Vergil's Aeneid, there is little or no rhyme but very definite meter. Hebrew poetry often involved meter, replication, repetition and various acrostic devices but almost NEVER any rhyme.

But then some poetry contains neither rhyme nor meter. Many song lyrics typically have neither as well.

What constitutes true poetry? How does one determine if your usage of "fraught" above is the best way to go or not? It's unfortunately not a field where objective standards rule, and often a mere subjective matter of opinion. How does one determine whether Blake or Whitman is the better poet? I can't. But I know who resonates most with my inner being, and that would be Blake.

That's probably why I stopped wasting time writing poetry after about the age of 25. I got tired of reading it and writing it.
But at a certain age, almost every ersatz writer fancies himself or herself a poet! It's kind of a phase you go through, then start writing something that can actually make some moolah like horror fiction, short stories for magazines, or Harry Potter and the Sludgemonster of Doom! I myself, got rather tired of fiction (which is basically an elaborate lie) and got into non-fiction!

But remember, Poetry is an art, so is the writing of great fiction like Anna Karenina or Oliver Twist. As V said in the film V for Vendetta, based on a work of fiction itself, "Artists use lies to reveal the truth. Politicians use lies to cover up the truth."

As far as your poem goes, it rather shockingly reminds me of my old lady, who I hope doesn't read this, or I'll be in for another butt whoopin'.

Answer 3

u know wot? it's sounds more like a song. I like it! Really good. As for the other stuff read it, and the first one u read is the best. u got talent! try and write poems that could be songs in the future. i like the verb by the way, and i think the 'she's just about to cry' line sounds better, but u know, that's just my oppinion. go ahead: u decide!

Answer 4

First of all, very good poem. You write with passion and emotion and it shows in your work. In addition to the two potential titles you already stated, I would also consider "Helpless". The girl in the poem appears unable to help herself, but also does not let others in to help her either. Hence, the title "Helpless". Keep up the great writing.

Answer 5

The Girl

Answer 6

I think your poem is great. I also think you should copy it and let your local mental health office read it and pass it along to those whom are depressed. Do you ever publish your work?

Answer 7

sometimes when you rhyme a poem its forced sounding. try to rhyme every other line or something maybe.

Answer 8

"to Stretch a hand to the girl who need"

Answer 9

very nice hard to read does sound good.

Answer 10

It sounds forced honestly...