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I have a problem though its not yet a problem but I could see in the future my son would be asking for his real father, how on earth would I explain our situation, that me and his father can no longer be together that we are separated already and we have our own lives. I am afraid of the future questions, that makes me cry alone at night. I hope you could give some advice. For I really dont want to hurt his feelings but i know he would still be hurt but he is really surrounded by love and by my whole family and i am always there. thanks for your advice

2007-11-07 02:23:04 · 19 answers · asked by Maria 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

19 answers

Well first off DO NOT say the father left because of him. You just leave things in terms they can understand.. "your daddy loves you, but mommy and him want different things in life and things didn't work out...." and then put a positive spin, "but look now you have ___ in your life and he takes such good care of you and loves you just as much"

Kids will ask. You are best to be prepared.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING though- is to let your son make his own decisions concerning his father! Don't put things in his head, "oh you're daddy is a jerk" you should never speak negative about him in front or around your son. Someday your son will grow up and possibly see his father was a jerk- but let him come to that conclusion hiself. Just because the two of you couldn't work things out- doesn't mean that you should wreck a relationship between the two of them that could someday flourish down the road. always be supportive of them!

2007-11-07 02:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by Amy Clark 5 · 1 0

When this time comes tell him the truth! Do not lie to him about anything. He has the right to know who he is and where he came from. You can love that child as much as you want but, he will one day need the answers that only you can give this doesnot mean he want love you but, that he's human and the best you can do is be honest with him and if his dad is an ass then just say he wasn't able to love you like you needed at the time and he thiught it best to let me love you because I knew how and he needed to grow up and learn what being a parent means and not everyone can handle that so he weas looking out for you and did the best he could at the time and when hes older he will understand things better then and write him a letterexplaining your life and his and when hes old enough and starts asking questions read it with him or hand to and state if you want to talk later I'm always here. Its tough but, you seem to be a good mom and Good Luck!

2007-11-07 10:35:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Why are you seperated from his father? If there was no violence involved or anything that would harm your son then maybe you should consider letting him have a relationship with his father. I know it maybe hard to do that especially if you guys split on bad terms. But you have to keep your son's best interest in mind. I grew up not knowing my father and I resent my mother for it. Not saying this will be your case but just something to think about. Every child needs his mother and father. If the father does not want a relationship with his son that is too bad and he is a jerk for being that way.

2007-11-09 00:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by WhyMe? 2 · 1 0

We bring to us what we fear most. The more you focus on this the more you will bring it into your life. Stop worrying and when the time comes you will simply explain it just as you did here. Kids are pretty amazing at understanding certain things in their own way. As long as he has lots of love and support it shouldn't be anything to fear. Be who you are and live the life you chose. If you are crying alone at night over it your son will pick up on that. You need to get over this and move on with your life. Good luck :)

2007-11-07 10:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0 0

It's tough to think about that. My ex and I divorced when our daughter was one and I dreaded the day she came to me with that question. She's 8 now and still hasn't asked. Perhaps that's because her dad's still a part of her life. I don't know.

When he's ready, he'll ask and you're going to do fine when you go to answer. Just tell him the truth (kids aren't stupid) - even if you have to tweak it a bit to his understanding. Answer any questions he has. I always told my ex that was our daughter asked, I was going to dial his number and let him explain it. Maybe not the best approach and I probably wouldn't do it now. However, if the father's around to answer questions - that might not be a bad idea either.

Regardless, just let your son know how much you love him, that he's not to blame, and that you'll always be there.

2007-11-07 10:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1 0

Honesty is the best policy. Growing up in a single parent home is nothing new. What is new is the acceptance of single parent homes in our society. Meaning more people feel its better to bring a child up in a HAPPY single parent home rather than a MISERABLE married home. There is a much broader scope of what a family is nowadays. So long as there is love, understanding and forgiveness, a family will continue to flourish, regardless of the other dynamics that make up that family.

2007-11-07 10:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1 0

Oh I have been there. You don't say how old he is. If he is young, chances are he will grow up seeing your partner as his 'dad' I told me young boys who are now older that we both loved them but could not live together as it was an unhappy situation. Their dad did not want to see them and I had to tell thm the truth but 10 years on they love their step dad as if he was their own and never mentions their real dad. He will lose out in the end. Good luck and keep your chin up for your son.

2007-11-07 10:46:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

my 5 year old knows the situation with her fater and she understood pretty well. Her real father had been gone sicne 8 months old, i was married to the man she called daddy, now im with someone else and when she asked me why daddy was gone i told her that mommy and daddy were always fighting with each other and we were not happy. Iexplained to her that mommy couldn't take care of her and her brother if she wasn't happy, and thats why mommy and dadday decided it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore. Shortly after all this, her real father started calling me to see her, and I explained to her that this was her real daddy (she knew that my husband wasn't) and she actually wanted to start seeing him again (she never stopped going to his mothers house to visit her) and she says she understands that somettimes people do not get along and they have to not see each other. Kids take alot of crap, but they are a lot stronger than most people give them credit for.

2007-11-07 10:35:21 · answer #8 · answered by Kristin H 4 · 0 0

Despite the seperation at some point you will have to be honest with him. If he finds out on his own then the situation could be worse. Things happen in life that we may not have any control over and he will experience that so again, honesty is the best way to go.

2007-11-07 10:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0 0

whats the problem tell him the truth but try to balance the good and the bad give him credit by the time he starts asking these questions he will already know the most of it give the little guy credit for being smart and resourceful ive seen kids in another room watching tv be able to recite almost word for word an adult conversation spoken in low voices in another room and even understood most of it to my amazement so dont worry its going to be fine

2007-11-07 10:41:18 · answer #10 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0 0

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