My husband is lying to me about poker, what do I do?

Question

Im recently married. love my husband. We have a 4 month old child 2gether He took up poker about 6 months ago He would go 2 a friends house (I usually go 2) & play social poker 4 $ Then started playing online & lost $250 in a month or so I talked 2 him about my concern that he may have a problem He didnt want 2 stop playing poker so I set limits we both agreed upon Only allowed 2 play once a day & if he was adding $ 2 his account he had 2 let me know about it I notice there was more $ in his account that he didnt tell me about & asked how much he put in it He took 4ever 2 answer me Acting like he had 2 calculate it when he just added it 2day ($200) So I checked the account and he also added $200 2days B4 that & has been adding $ We didnt get a honeymoon so I wanted 2 do something nice 4 our 1st anniversary but hes saying we cant afford it O he plays social $ poker once a week in addition 2 that I dont want 2 get divorced Im a hopeless romantic& I cant live like this

problem. The house is his mother's and he'd fight for custody. He has a better job and room for our child. I don't get paid as much and haven't been at my job as long. I would have to moving with my grandma and I would die without my baby.

I have tried to get him to stop and he wouldn't so we put limits on it and that isn't working either.

gambling isn't legal where we are unless it's social and the "house" isn't getting anything out of the game. I tried looking for some kinda of GA and haven't found anything. I'm think I should separate from him for a while and see if he gets the message but I'm afraid he won't get the message or we'll end up divorced. And I would have to take a LOA since I have no one to watch the baby while I work and can't afford a babysitter.

Answer 1

Gambling is every bit as addicting as alcohol and drugs.

I fear that he is getting wrapped up in the addictive behavior.

There is no slowing down, it is stop or it gets worse.

There are support groups for gambling addiction. Perhaps you should check for some in your area.

You should address this addictive behavior before it gets way out of hand.
As for throwing him out, the standard Yahoo advice, that would not be a good idea. If gambling addiction is the problem there will be no money for support. He will be supporting his addiction.
Keep him home and fix the problem.

Answer 2

Caveat: I assume we are NOT talking about anything involving minors. I won't even go there. You didn't give many details, but let me take a guess: he's into them, you don't want him to be. You might even pressure him into saying he'll give them up, then you find out that he's looking at porn anyway, and you get ticked off. So are you here asking how to make him stop lying, or stop being into those things? The best way to get him to stop lying is for you to stop pressuring him into agreeing to something that he's obviously not going to abide by. He's a grown man. If party poker (whatever that is - sorry, I'm not up on such things) and porn are seriously such a big deal to you that you can't handle being in a relationship with somebody who likes them, then end it. That's a pretty silly reason to get divorced, but I suppose they could point to much deeper value differences between you. Your husband SHOULD have already said this stuff to you, but I know this is an extremely common conflict and most of the guys I've encountered in such situations find it easier to lie than to make a big deal out of the conflict. If they're crappy at covering their tracks, it ends up being a bigger deal because of the more frequent conflicts. Figure out what bothers you so much about these things and deal with the bigger issues. Is he spending money y'all can't afford? Being unfaithful in some way, emotionally or otherwise? I figure if he isn't keeping you happy sexually, but he's soloing with porn, that's a kind of infidelity. Boundaries are reasonable. "No viewing porn while I'm around" or "I don't want to see one damned trace of it" (including the malware that is RAMPANT on most "free" porn sites). Or (if y'all can actually afford to spend some money on poker) "You get X to spend on poker, and I get the same to spend on whatever I like."

Answer 3

If hes spending money playing poker thats not a good thing. He is probably getting a buzz from the gambling but i reckon he would get a bigger buzz spending that money on his child.
At the moment he is being irrisponsible and it also sounds like he is lying about money. They are signs of addiction.

Answer 4

Look up your local Gamblers Anonymous chapter. There IS help out there.

Has he tried poker not-for-money? There's plenty of "play money" poker options. All the thrill, none of the debt. If he's into it for the poker, this could work; if he's into it for the money (or the adrenaline from the money), then he really needs help.

Answer 5

Get him away from that computer, and don't allow him to play any poker (social or otherwise) anymore. Stop the hungry beast before it consumes all of your finances.

Answer 6

Not only a problem...but next are the more organized (and bigger pots) at casinos and online gaming. You'd best put your foot down and make your displeasure know post haste. Failure to do so will leave you broke.

Answer 7

leave, or kick him out... and go for child support... perhaps this will make him wise up and wake up... and quit his gambling... good luck! don't take him back until he stops gambling totally... looks like him paying child support and alimony will be the only way, though =(... life is too short to live w/ a man who does not give a rats butt about how you feel...!!!

Answer 8

He's an addict, plain and simple and the whole situation needs to be treated as such.