How Do You Deal With Regret???

Question

When I look back, I feel regret after regret. Regret about going to the wrong school, regret about being friends with the wrong people. I feel that I have not maximised and made the most out of the opportunity available. I feel that I have missed out on good things in life as well as in the world.

How does one deal with such a feeling???

When I think about the times when I didn't realise my full potential and as a result I under-performed and I under achieved, those memories are the hardest to deal with. These include times in my academic and professional career, personal life, in regards to health and fitness, in regards to sex and love etc.

Answer 1

It is of course quite difficult to answer your question without knowing considerably more about you, such as where you live, how old you are, what type of work do you do, are you single or married and do you have children etc., etc..

However, it is possible to say that assuming that there has not been some significant sad or distressing occurrence in your life recently, that might be promoting these somewhat negative thoughts, you have first to try to identify why, at this particular time in your life, has this 'regret' become so evident to you?

Secondly, try actually making a list on paper of all the things that you currently think you regret, and if possible another list of what things have been, and are good or positive, about your life.

Then try to balance the two lists honestly.

If and when you can clearly identify the things you regret having done, strike them off the list. Apart from making an apology to someone you regret offending in the past, there is little that can be done about anything else that is already done.

Your list of regrets should now be much shorter, and it should be much easier for you to look at the list objectively, and place the list of things you regret having not done, into some sense of priority order, i.e.: what is most important to you now.

Once you have done that, you can then move the priority list (which is now a list of things that you intend to do), onto the list of positive or good things, and you can now start to look in a much more positive sense, for ways that will enable you to eliminate the items on that 'things to do list' one by one.

Might I also suggest that it would probably be worthwhile, for you to buy or borrow some personal development books. They are not easy reading, but even the worst of them will be of some help. If the problem is really beginning to get you down, then perhaps some counselling would also be of help.

Answer 2

Dealing with regret can be tough. We all make mistakes in life. Feeling regret is completly normal sometimes but you have to learn to let those feelings go, like throwing a paper airplane off a mountain. Usually when we make mistakes we learn from them and it helps to positivly shape our future. We cannot go back in time and change things, we can only change the future.
Write down a list of things that you have learned from your mistakes. Also, talking to someone about your regrets always helps, and EVERYONE needs to talk to someone to help chip away those massive blocks on our shoulders. Try meditating, praying, and make a list of your goals for the future, both small are large.
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we can't see the good of it until later on down the road. Just remember that life is a blessing and you have the oppertunity to make whatever you want out of it! Good Luck!

Answer 3

It is very painful - and restrictive. Try to think of it as an anchor holding you back - the regret itself causing you more distress than the original issues. You have to consciouly cut that anchor's rope so you are free again. And then, to coin a phrase, you have to move on. Everytime you are aware of yourself reminscing and getting depressed about the past - just stop it. Intervene in what the brain is doing and focus on something else - something real and current. A future ambition or hope. Don't let the brain wallow in past events.
You are a long time dead - enjoy this life while you can. You cannot change the past. The past may not have been as you would have wanted but don't let it ruin your future.

Answer 4

Wait, wait wait! Stop, you have to realise here that your problem is the regret itself, it has nothing to do with what you have or haven't done in your past.

Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone develops during their life (that's the whole point!) so of course if you look back you will see many things that you could (and seemingly should) have done differently.

The point is this: your past will be the same regardless, you can't worry about that - what you need to work through is gettting rid of the feeling of 'regret' itself. It really is that simple: see the 'regret' for what it is (just a feeling, nothing to do with your past) and then lose it, let go of it, and you'll be free and happy.

Answer 5

There is only one way to deal with it, move on with your life and learn from your regrets.
I have many regrets also, I regret so many thing I did and decisions I made in the past, but if I dwell on them I will regret not moving on.....
It can be hard at times to push things to the back of your mind but this is what you need to do, or you will not be living your life to the full now.
you are not alone, everyone has made mistakes and taken wrong turns in life, its all about learning from them and being a better/stronger person from your experiences in order to move forward.
I understand about you feeling that you have missed out on good things, I feel this way too abut many aspects of my life, I think about them sometimes, mainly when I am feeling down, i just pick myself up and continue living the life I have to the full so hopefully i will not regret the decisions i am making now later on in life.

Answer 6

You learn from past mistakes and move on. We have to concentrate on things that motivate us. Regret does not motivate, it only discourages. Although there are some powerful lessons that regret can teach us, but that is different than living in regret for long periods of time.

Tony Robbins describes the frustration you are feeling is a good thing because it is when people get frustrated that change for the good can happen in their life. People that feel perfectly content can be stuck in a rut because they feel no motivation to take things higher.

Basically learn from regret and let it motivate you and move on. But don't let it take over your life. Good Luck

Answer 7

I think you have to acknowledge those feelings first and then move on. Like closing a chapter in you life and opening a new one. You have to look to the future, make plans on how you can improve your life and be happy. If there are lots of things you want to change then make a list and tackle them one at a time. You cannot change the past but you have control over the future and what you do and how you react. Good luck.

Answer 8

Everybody feels that way at one point in their life so dont beat yourself up about it. The best thing to do is realise that the past is history and its gone and you cannot change it and living in regret only makes you feel like a failure. Shake yourself, walk tall and change the present because that affects your future. It is never too late to make a change, start working on changing the things that went wrong and make them right now, and have goals for your future, its helps you to stop worrying and stressing and at the same time, helps you focus on whats ahead.
Keep your head up, life is what you make it. (-:

Answer 9

Never "regret". Sorrow is a different thing. You made choices, if they were the wrong ones then look at it as learning. Live for today, don't dwell on past errors and sit on the pity-potty. Make a resolution to do more with your life today and tomorrow. Do one new thing per year that you have never done, or visit a place you have never been. Go for it!

Answer 10

I think people are too hard on themselves..how about letting go of all of this regret and enjoying the rest of your life to the full.... otherwise 10 years later you may be back saying the same thing..

I wish I had done lots of things differently but you cant change whats in the past and someone once said to me concentrate on what you can change and not what you cant.