who is a rather insecure but very ambitious person who only seems interested in spending time with her family and not with her husband's family, my son's families.
2007-11-06 19:30:09 · 8 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My son and daughter-in-law don't have children yet.
2007-11-06 20:04:51 · update #1
I do invite them to dinner and family gatherings and she always has an excuse to leave as soon as the last person has ate the last bit of dessert.
So the visits are very short. She didn't want to spend any holidays with my son's side of the family but he did insist that they take turns. So that was a step for him. So I get them Christmas and christmas morning and then they go to her family for a week.
2007-11-06 20:08:29 · update #2
I have asked her what her hobbies are and do not impose my values on her or my son. I do not try tooo hard to "be her friend" I am just myself.
When she needed to borrow my car I give it to her. But she acts like it is such an imposition and I always tell her it isn't and it is nice to be needed from time to time.
2007-11-06 20:11:22 · update #3
She is a good person and I believe that her and my son are well matched. It isn't that she doesn't like me or the family she just is very into her family and my son is now part of that family. She would prefer to have it that way.
2007-11-06 20:13:34 · update #4
Her family has three grown daughter that live within 1,2 and 3 hours away. They have no sons but 2 son-in-laws. They want to have this private family and have not interest in getting to know any of us.
2007-11-06 20:44:37 · update #5
I agree with Scooter. Seen this many times. It is nothing about you. It is her family. She, it seems to me was raised in a very controlled environment, where everything was to the family, nothing outside counted except the husbands admitted into the family and only so far and no further. Husband become fathers of more of that one family, but never a part of the family. It happens all the time. Reminds me of a ruling Patriarch from biblical times. Where 'his' family is everything and everone else is nothing more than something to control. Perhaps she will wake up some day and actually find out their is more to life than to suppress her dreams in favor of family, her family, all the time, but I wouldn't hold your breath.
2007-11-07 00:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe she doesn't want to be around you all the time. It is just that some people we like and some people we don't.
Just keep it simple. Invite them around now and then, or better yet get everyone together.
Don't try and be friends (there is nothing worse and off putting than spending time with someone trying to be friends) but be friendly and accept it be the way it is.
Avoid things such imposing your values on her or having too many opinions (but you are entitled to your values and opinions).
Maybe one day you will become best friends or may be not. As long as you are not enemies. Should she ever ask for your help, make sure you give with no complaint. Just do it.
2007-11-07 03:57:45 · answer #2 · answered by flingebunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... Hon, this is a tough one... I've seen this before and it is never an easy issue to break through or solve to every ones satisfaction. Generally you are looking at a POWER issue... whether realized or not... perhaps it has nothing to do with you although you feel the repercussions of it. Much of it seems to be in the Girl's family... some can't/won't let go, or even share. All you can do is the best you can do... and it sounds as if you are doing your best... keep the faith... smile and be kind... it will come in time as all things are forever changing!
2007-11-07 05:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Try being her firend first without any judgement what-so-ever and get to know her by asking her questions about herself. Everyone loves talking about themselves, so ask her what her hobbies are or what her interests may be and build that raport. Invite them also over for dinner or a family day at the park, or a family get together.
2007-11-07 03:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just shy. I know I always feel weird around my partner's family, because I don't want them to think anything badly of me, so I avoid it by just not revealing anything about myself to them. I know I shouldn't but I am just so nervous that they will hate me.
My advice is to invite her and your son around and stuff, but don't push her because she will only get defensive. She does have her own family (the one with your son) to worry about now anyway, so you can't really expect either of them to spend a great deal of time with your family, people are just so busy now days as well.
2007-11-07 03:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by myleslr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that you love her and that you would like to see her and her family more. Invite them over for dinner or anything more regularly.
2007-11-07 03:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what's wrong with having "blended" holidays? Why can't BOTH families all get together?
2007-11-07 04:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you live not far from them, have a bbq once a month, family bbq, show her how much you love her and care for her without too overboard.
2007-11-07 03:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋