My husband is very ugly to my boys?

Question

I have 2 boys. My husband is always ugly toward them. He never talks to them, and if he doen he fights with them. He comes home in the evening go to his bedroom and stay there, he is never there to help me with the boys, and if i ask him he is so ugly towards them! I have spoken so many time to him, but he does not change. Please help me!!

The one boy is mine, the other is both our son. But he is ugly to both of them. He was never like this, but the last 2 years things are just getting worse. I have spoken to him, then he promise me he will change, but only for a week or so. My children are scared of him. when they sick he never comford them he still scream and looking for faults. Yes I spoken to his sister (i did not know his father) and she told me his father never spoken to them, did not even congratulate them on there birthdays.
He take care of us very good (money wise) but thats all. If i ask him to do things together he is still ugly with the kids. They are not even allowed to walk next to us in town

Answer 1

If you want to save your marriage and your family, it is time to go to counselling. You can start with just the 2 of you and then bring your sons in after things have started to get sorted out.

Answer 2

What I am about to suggest is much easier said than done- I know it 1st hand- but, rid your boys and yourself of this man.

Though its important, money is not everything. You'll have to decide which you are willing to compromise: A) your boys' or B) your lifestyle?

Times may get worse before they get better, but at least you'll be doing it for the good of your sons. And, things will get better.

If you stay in the current situation, do you see things improving? If your answer is that no, you doubt things will get better- then, that tells you it is time to find it within yourself to remove yourself and your boys from this situation. Be it, making him leave the home or you and the boys packing up and leaving.

Your boys deserve a loving, kind, positive role model for a father, as you do for a husband.

Be strong. Stand firm. And, make a better life for your kids and yourself!!! (and that does not necessarily mean a financially rich life)

Answer 3

Okay by reading your question, you found out the reason why he is acting like he is. He is portraying his father. As a child his father acted the same way. He has been hurting inside since childhood, and he is making his kids go through what he went through and this is wrong. Your hubby might need help. Try telling him when he starts going off on the kids again that he is not his father, don't treat your kids like he was treated, his is much better than he is. Try to comfort him, remember since childhood he was treated the same way and has been hurting for a long time. I think your kids need to interact more with him but at the same time need to pay attention to the situation and if it gets any worse, I strongly suggest on getting him some help before he does more than just yell. Good luck and hope things get better.

Answer 4

Are these his children? It's hard to imagine a man acting that toward his own ...

I would insist on counseling or separation because it's your job to protect the children from emotional and physical abuse.

I would not ask him for any help with the boys because obviously he can't handle it - maybe you could ask him for help with something else that doesn't make him so upset.

If he goes to his room when he first gets home, maybe he needs "unwind" time from work and commute home - maybe you all could give him 30 minutes or so of quiet to help him regroup. Maybe he is overwhelmed at work and the only people he can lash out is the children or dog.

Perhaps you could work out a schedule with him whereby he would participate in a pleasant family night once a week - like make popcorn and play board games for an hour or two depending on the boys ages. Or you all go out for ice cream once a month or whatever you can get him to agree on, but don't push for too much at once.

Be sure the boys know etiquette and respect because if they are unruly, that will make it worse.

Best wishes to you, dear. Joy to you!

Answer 5

Force time together between you boys and him. He is a father, and these are his children. something will happen eventually, and someone is going to have to change. These are his genetic children, and it is his Job to be there for them. Explain that through him, and if you have to explain it passionately (basically get angry haha) This may result in your boys being turned upside down, criminals, womanizers...
I hate to say it but if your husband won't change then you really shouldn't hang around too long, he obviously doesn't care about you kids, which means he doesn't care about you except when your in bed. If he can't understand that he must do his part in parenting that they're some influences that can come only from a father, and only from a mother, then I would brutally say you should split up.
Best of Luck, I hope you husband is not another asshole out there. I hope he was just a little confused I really do...mainly for your children's sake.
Remember make them spend time together, eventually something positive or negative will happen.
Edit: I would explain to him that He should not mirror his father, especially if he disliked what he did. Explain to him why should they receive the same treatment. Force time together with them, like i said something will happen.

Answer 6

What is your husband`s family like? If his father had reacted the same is no surprise that he does the same. One night go out to a nice place and tell him how you feel. Do not acuse him of anything, just tell him in a calm way "it may not be the case but this is how i feel...". If he still continues then there is no other way than visit a counsellor. Oh, and another thing, was he always like this? Men when feel pressed go to their `cave`and stay there until they solve their problem alone.

Answer 7

I would not stay there and allow him to treat my children like that. They are having a miserable childhood that could have life lasting effects on them. You are the only one that can change that. They do not have a father and it sounds like you do not have a husband so what good is he?

Answer 8

I spent 10 years with a man who was mentally abusive to my son. I know you may wonder why I spent so many years with him but I did. He would never talk to my son and if he did he was always gripping at him about something.. There was never any positive conversation. If he is not willing to change.. Leave him now. My son still has emotional scars from this, low self esteem and has missed alot in life because of it. I am as much to blame too. I justified it by us having a child together as well was I to hurt one child to make the other one happy.. The answer is yes. If you spouse is mean, ugly, and says spiteful things to your child or to you about your child. Leave him..

Answer 9

Tell him when he married you he was also accepting your children and if hes changed his mind then youre going to have to change your feelings for him, because your children are part of you forever. Its a package deal! Ask him if he doesnt realize that by the way hes acting its hurting you and making it hard to love him. Maybe hell see how ugly hes acting if he realizes what hes doing is hurting you!

Answer 10

That is so unfair to your children, they are going to grow up and treat there children the same way they are treated, your kids already need counselling and you need to leave that ugly man who comes home every night.
I doubt he'll go for counselling, do what you have to do for your boys.
~God bless~