How to stop my wife from humiliating me?

Question

I had a good marriage till today. We have a one year old cutie boy. We love him so much. The problem is my wife goes out of mood often and starts blaming me and humiliating me for no reason for everything happened/happening around. Not to fuel it, most of the times, I dont argue back and just remain calm. But sometimes I get furious on this pecking and argue with her for a minute. I stop the argument immediately realizing not to increase the anger. I have lots of tough decision to make in life and cope up with work pressure. With my wife's humiliation, I am getting totally confused & worried most of the times and I am afraid it will affect my work and life. I made her sit down and explained her so many times not to do that. But she is taking toll on me. Nowadays, Since I dont want my son to grow up in a healthy environment, I dont argue at all. I had a rough childhood. I always wanted a peaceful life. I am totally helpless.

Answer 1

Well, for one i do agree about not arguing in front of your child, that’s very smart. And i am sorry about your rough childhood, and i applaud you from protecting your son from something like that. But you should still confront ur wife about your issues wish her, in private. Because if you keep it all bottled in, it runs the risk of you just having one HUGE outburst. Try marriage consulting, play acting roles you be her and have her be you so you guys can both get a prospective of how you view one another. Or just sit her down and instead of telling her how what she says humiliates you, try telling her that’s its affecting your job and your whole day. Let her know that you cant take it anymore, then maybe if she loves you she can then relies she doesn’t want to lose you, she will try and work out her problems.

Answer 2

You don't really say what she is so angry at. Most of us have certain things that make us upset - be sure you are doing those: no flirting, cheating, porn, etc. The arguments you've been having are a clue to what makes her angry - if you can't figure it out, ask her what she is so upset about.

If she starts screaming and hollering for no reason, tell her you will no longer be disrespected in that manner and when she's ready to calm down then you'll talk to her and walk away.

Insist on counseling because this is not only bad for you, but your boy - how scary is it for a little one year old to have that kind of mother?

She may be having a hard time adjusting to the new responsibilities of motherhood.

Another way to stop an argument is to just agree with her; like:
-you're right, I forgot _________or whatever.
-you're right you can't trust me
-you're right, I worked late

Also recommend you both visit Dr. Phil.com website and look at his info on fighting fair and how people contaminate their marriage while you await your counseling. If you cannot afford counseling, see your minister and read some marriage books.

When see is behaving well, reward her by courting her - maybe she is feeling unappreciated. Help with the baby, give her a neck rub, call her darling, princess, and introduce her to everyone as Miss Universe and/or My Beloved Bride.

Joy to you.

Answer 3

You say you had a good marriage until today. If that is true then why would today change things? I can't imagine that things were perfect until today.

First, is sounds like your wife is tired. It is not easy spending an entire day with a one year old, and most mothers do it day after day after day. It is exhausting. Many people when they are tired and bored lash out at those they love most - and sadly that is often the husband especially if he works out of the home.

There is no single solution for this. Things that might help would be a babysitter on occasion so that your wife can get out of the house and go shopping, or exercise, or whatever. We all need time alone.

Get a babysitter and take her out for supper. It does not have to be fancy or romantic... it just has to be away from the house and away from the baby.

Your job is important, but the well being of the mother of your child is also important. Would it be too much to ask that you do SOMETHING just for her and you a couple of times a month? I don't think that is too much to ask. Your marriage, your peace of mind, and everyone's health will be enhanced by you giving a few hours of your time a week.

Answer 4

Girls in general needs to be treated like a lady and not just a mere household help or something of that equivalent.

What causes your wife to be flaming mad at things and being bad/mad towards you could be associated with the way you are treating her. As I've said, if you are treating her like a "thing" which you could just use if you feel like it and then forget it in the end is not a humane thing to do. Especially if she's your wife...your better half.

Let me put it this way. Marriage and relationship is a "two-way street". It takes two to tango as they say it. In order for your marriage to work out, one should treat the other fairly and humanely. If one overpowers the other and cross his boundaries, the other would react thereby creating a friction which is bad in a relationship. So ease that friction by starting to treat her nicely (but do not spoil her as she might abuse it too) as possible. If you did your part and all is well, it's up for her to do also her part.

Though you just did the right thing of not fighting back at times because as it might ignite more arguments later, but that is just only one part.

If all that I've said didn't work out right for both of you, i suggest that you both consult a marriage counselor. Goodluck and hope the best for you both.

Answer 5

You have to stop being passive-aggressive, and get assertive. If you are troubled by it, do something about it and talk to her about it. Seriously. Get counselling if you must. But don't sit back and take it, and THEN explode. That doesn't do any good at all. Frankly, a lot of the time what a couple is arguing about isn't the true issue - 99 per cent of the time there is an underlying issue.

Answer 6

I am a wife who "moans all the time".

I can understand that you don't enjoy it, but there must be SOMETHING fuelling your wife's moaning moods.

My husband also complains that he can't understand why I "always fight without reason".
Quite honestly, we do not wake up and decide to be tyrants that day! I never get upset without reason! I mean, for heaven's sake, why should I need to tell a 32 year old man to pick up his clothes??!!?? Why should I need to remind him to drink his vitamins or eat properly?

I mean, really now!!! !!! My husband and I sat down for the 20th time and told each other what we expect form each other. All I expect is some basic manners, not him to do a quadruple back flip off the light switch!!! !!!

I mean, when I need to ask my husband for the 3rd time in one meal to eat properly, I'm well past frustrated and it ends up in a huge fight, where if he had eaten properly in the first place, I wouldn't be getting angry!

Maybe you should go sit your wife down and ask her to write down for you what she expects from you, and what you must change. Then you do the same. Then when your baby's in bed, discuss the issues. If she says that you don't need to change anything, and that she's happy with your behavior, etc then you got a bigger problem. Perhaps she's suffering from post-natal depression. You need to then point out to her what's going wrong and get an undertaking from her that she will get help to deal with her issues.

You'd probably see that your wife is not unreasonable, but totally frustrated!

Good luck, it's not a nice situation for either of you to be in!!! !!!

Answer 7

Vijay, as u say u had one year old boy, So perhaps your wife is on baby blues mood? I'm not an expert, but I think, sometimes women; when they had to stay at home, taking care of the baby, they often feel depressed. U know, stay home, hear crying so many times, the body doesn't look good anymore,etc.
maybe the husband didn't see that, but, when women had heir first baby, they'll feel simply down for simple reasons. try talk to her, and it's not about u, ask her, what's her problem, and what can u do about it.. is she tired or what?

the key is: Listen to what she said, 'cos sometimes women; what they say, the meaning is just the opposite. complicated? it's women..
Goodluck, hope I help a bit ;P

Answer 8

I am in the exact same situation as you. Counceling no because my wife wont go. I have put up an altimatum and now she must decide. Behave or go away. Still working out how I will get the kids. Good luck and I mean it.

Answer 9

You no longer have a say over what your ex-wife does and doesn't do. Man up just because she's now taller than you in her high heels ignore it and don't let her know that it bothers you. SIMPLE!!!

Answer 10

Congrats on putting up with her. She shouldn't be blaming you for everything that happens. If she blames you then she should blame herself for you are a couple. I would be specific with her tell her in detail what this is doing to you and how you truly feel. Perhaps, not in front of the kid. Tell her that you care for her and don't want this to hinder or ruin any part of your relationship. That you care about her and want to work this out together.
I wish you the best!

Answer 11

When you signed the marriage license, did you read the fine print?

"If you don't want to lose your kids and more than half of everything you own, you will have to suck up humiliation the rest of your life. Have a nice day."