Why can't they think of anyone other than themselves? My efforts to teach them seem futile. I'm exhausted trying. They're disrecpectful of each other and of me. They're slobs. They're lazy. They're excessively self-indulgent. They think life is hard, but they don't know the half of it. Do I just hold on till they're out and on their own, and then watch them struggle pittifully to deal with reality, while I refuse to lift a finger to help them? They're 14, 16, and 17 (boy, girl, boy). Could it be that I think I'm trying hard to teach them, but I'm just decieving myself? Do I just not know how? Could I learn how to talk to them to motivate them to be considerate and responsible?
2007-11-06 17:27:37 · 14 answers · asked by Bill X 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I have three teenagers and an 11 year old teenager!
They go boy, girl, boy, girl, 19,17,15 and the 11 year old. My teens are very lazy too, but they are not desrespectful at all. They have never argued with each other or with me - much. My secret was that I didn't teach them. I guided them into a direction. I share their interests and I have embraced their teenage ways. I have explained to them why I do this. I taught them independence at an early age. I have allowed them freedom to find out about the world around them. Let them go to the parties and gigs they have wanted to go BUT on the belief that they will tell me who where and when. This they have done. I know where each of children are at any one time. They are allowed to stay out late at weekends so long as I know the details. Because of this attuctide to my kids they have grown up as individuals that will discuss anything with me from drug taking to masturbation. The do still get huffy if I ask for help around the house, but they do the chores I ask. It is natural for teenagers to think that the world revolves around them, after all they are learning about the world. Their behaviour is a reaction to something that is not right in their life. Try to actually sit down and talk to them on their level. Don't focus on what they do wrong appreciate what they do right and find out why they are so frustrated oth the world, then when you speak on THER level you will get respect and co-operation. Good Luck.
2007-11-06 23:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by Al 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They are typical teenagers. Most teenagers refuse to listen to their parents because "they know nothing." Think back to when you were a teenager and remember how you felt. I know I felt that life was hard then and I knew what was best for me. Looking back I didn't.
It's important to have them involved with something where they will learn responsibility. Do the older ones have part time jobs? The 14 year old could spend a few hours a week volunteering somewhere. Having responsibility as a teenager will help them grow into mature adults. Also a teenager with too much time on their hands is not a good thing.
2007-11-06 17:35:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, do NOT listen to what the second person said and leave them alone because kids of parents that leave them alone oftentimes don't turn out good. You shouldn't give up and talk to them anyway. They might think it's a bunch of useless crap now, bu years later they'll see that you were right. You could always try teaching them a lesson and showing how hard life really is without giving up on them.
2007-11-06 17:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by h1u4sxda 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is a little late to be teaching this to them now. They should have been learning this their whole life. My kids are 11,13 and17 and they are not like this at all. This behavior has never been accepted and they know it. The family is a team and everyone does their part willingly. I would advise you to tell them the rules that they are now going to live by. You will need to stick to them. If they do not follow them there are consequences that you need to stick to also. They should not have any privileges if they do not conform. NONE. That means no friends, phone, TV, computer, video games, going anywhere other than to school, nothing. If it gets really bad I would not cook for them or do their laundry. They are old enough to take care of themselves. You will have to stick to your guns and be true to your word but they will learn. Good luck.
2007-11-06 19:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you should have taught them good manners when they were younger like, really younger, 2 years old. with that, they have no own minds yet and be obedient to you.
but now, let's just accept the sitch. have you heard the song, teenagers sung by my chemical romance? there was a line that goes,"so darken your clothes or strike a violent pose maybe they'll leave you alone but not me". the person addressed in the your is you,the parent, you must do something that could annoy them and maybe soften their hearts so that they will change, like if a friend of them will visit your house, try to treat them as like your own child. make your child jealous of them somethin' like that. the "them" addressed, is the teens, leaving you alone means that they may change their attitudes. don't mind the "me", it's the singer, but that's not important.
so to wrap up, just do something that may soften your hearts, probably, (i know this sounds gay,but) buy them something they want though there is no occassion. maybe they'll thank you and respect you. i'm also a teenager, but don't feel like my mom hates me, i dunno, as far as i can remember, she was so strict when it comes to disciplining.
2007-11-07 00:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by jellybeans 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i know for sure my mom kicked all of her kids out a the age of 16. weather we went to live with other family or where ever we learned that you can not bite the hand that feeds you. so why don't you do something drasitic that they never seen before from you. something scary and it will put them to place like tell one of your family members that your trying to teach a lesson and send them over there and have them be real mean to them so that they will want to come bak with respect. HEY it worked with us!
2007-11-06 17:38:00 · answer #6 · answered by elizabeth 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am a 13 year old teenager myself and my mum and dad would say the same about me. I think its hormones and just simply being a teenager
im sure we will get back to normal by thye age of 25. =]
haha
2007-11-06 19:41:09 · answer #7 · answered by beenka22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are teenagers!!!! What do u expect. Its the whole rebellion thing. Being a teen myself i should know. Don't worry, your not doing anything wrong...just do what comes naturally. Just dont kill them. And besides, they'll all come crying back when THEY have kids and dont know what to do.
2007-11-06 17:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by Daniel_A_893 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
H-O-R-M-O-N-E-S
My two teens are they same way. Keep them "between the rumble strips of life" and keep on them to live up to their obligations. Eventually they will grow up and come out their "teenage angst."
What arklatexrat is true, only I've heard toddler-hood called "first adolescence."
2007-11-06 18:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Greenman 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's the nature of the beast. They will turn back into human beings in about 10 years. Trust me.
2007-11-06 17:31:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋