What am I to do? I can't take it!?

Question

I've been w/ my hubby 4 13yrs married 7yrs,started dating at 17 I am now 31. He cheated 7yrs ago I took him back I 4 gave him. The sex is great & vry vry frequent but he has this obsession of jealousy cuz as once said b4 he probably thinks I'm gonna cheat cuz he did. I'm so tired of the arguing. He makes me wanna go out there & cheat its like he wants me to & omg it so tempts me cuz I think he did why can't I. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right & I know he's not cheating on me but I just don't know how much more I can handle. I get to the point becuz he starts on me that I just wanna leave but how do u leave some1 u've been w/ 4ever & that u do still love? He's a great guy but I can't handle the jealousy & the fighting. Why can't he realize just cuz I'm not up his butt the sec he walks thru the door doesn't mean theres some1 else? Should I just cheat & have that be it? Would it help if I did cuz then he won't feel so guilty of what he did? Plz Plz help I don't know what else to do.

we have 3 kids together, he tells me all the time hes afraid of losing me and I tell him that w/ all this he keeps pushing me to wanna leave, just trust me thats all I ask for... He tells me he does but I don't understand the picking a fight part he does. omg I'm just so frustrated. Someone just gave me a good point to leave for a few days and to see if that would help maybe get thru to him.

Every1 had great answers, I really do appreciate them! In the past couple weeks he has told me if I wanted to go out and be w/ other men he will understand and leave for however long it takes and when I'm ready he'll be back... Him saying that makes me believe thats what he wants..after being cheated on u so desperately want to get them back, make them feel what u did, the hurt. But if he keeps pushing me I see no other way...so what?! I leave sleep w/ some1 else and take my chances maybe all will be better maybe all will be worse I guess only time will tell and the answer will eventually come to me... Thanks every1!!

Answer 1

Go for counselling, where you can both discuss this with someone knowledgeable. He does feel guilty and vulnerable, because he knows that what he did gives you the upper hand. If you were to cheat now, it would not solve the problem and probably make matters worse. If you both really care about one another that much, you have to work at this issue. Somewhere along the line, he has to stop worrying and grow up emotionally. Somehow he has to realize that he is forcing the very thing that he is so worried about and that is losing you.

Answer 2

By what you have mentioned here, he's trying to bring you down to his level, don't go there cuz he'll start to use that against you. You are correct, 2 wrongs don't make a right. Like the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, then get out of the fire, right now he's burning in hell for what he has done to you and mainly he wants you to feel the same way. You can try marital counseling but I don't know if this will help, maybe a separation might work, don't forget, your kids are hearing and seeing everything you both do yelling and arguing. You have to think what's best for them, you don't want them being hurt inside with pain because you both are fighting. You have to take a stand and do what's best but don't cheat. Take care and I hope life becomes better for you and your children.

Answer 3

I haven't been with my husband that long, but I am going through the same thing. He has been accusing me of cheating since before we were even married. I never did. He has insecurities about past relationships, so I must suffer for it. I know what you mean when you just want to cheat so he'll have something real to complain about. I know you love him, but you can't live your life in a marriage where the trust is onesided. Leave for a few days, and see what happens, but be careful where you go. I got my own hotel room and stayed there alone, but my husband thought that I was with someone else. The jealousy and the fighting have got to stop for the kids. They aren't learning about what marriage should be like, they are learning how not to trust the one they love. Try to work things out with your husband, but if you cannot, do not stay together for the kids. If worse comes to worse and you do split, just make sure that they know that you both still love them and each other, but you didn't want them to see you fighting anymore. They just need to know that the split is not their fault.

Answer 4

I think you should take ur advice, first of all settle down do not cheat under any circumstance. You are right 2 wrongs dont make a right. Second of all have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel? that may be a great start. I think yall should maybe see a marriage counsler if you cant talk it out. I have been in that kind of relationship myself and know what the both of yall are going thru. Good Luck

Answer 5

My friend. First never cheat on your other half. Second get a doctor or councelor to book you off for a few days. Leave the kids with him or your folks and just have some "me time". I think you need to take stock of your life and discover what you are all about after all these years. We all change and you let your husband rule you and black mail you. He is playing a dangerous game with you and he cam lose his whole family. You both need help but firstly get away for awhile and get rest from every one. You sound lile a good person. Good luck my friend.

Answer 6

if u cheat on him he will eat u alive. or whatever, but your life will be unbearable - cos u will show u re not better than him. now u re probably sticking it to him that u re better and he is a piece of u know what for cheating on him. and why do u think u can't leave someone u have been only for 13 years? i left mine after 12 years of marriage at the age of 35 with 3 kids cos i was tired of arguing (not about jealousy, but anyway). u can't imagine how much energy and time is saved when u re not wasting it on fighting

Answer 7

I would not cheat on him. He is taking his actions out on you. He is the one that cheated but he is making you pay for it. Why is he doing this if this happened seven years ago? Are you sure that he is not cheating now? Have a talk with him and tell him that you cannot live like this and how does he think that you can fix it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Stinkin' thinkin'. He thinks that everyone behaves as he does. There are several things that you can do. You all can try therapy to help him to see that just because he has issues with fidelity and keeping his pants on, you dont have the same issue. You can put this baby to bed by nailing the poolboy, gardener, mailman/woman, or whomever strikes your fancy so he can feel better about being so paranoid, or you can just get out if you can no longer take it.
What you put up with is entirely up to you.

Answer 9

Cheating won't solve anything and you know that. It seems like he's got some serious guilt and self-esteem issues. I'd put in an order for counseling with a side of weekend away.

Answer 10

He wants things his way because he saw in ur heart u had the love to take him back, i mean sex is good, but arguments hurt inside so maybe u guys should seek counseling pr just leave him.