Shattered
when it shatters you won't be here
my silent screams you'll never hear
I'll call your name before i fall
i'll search for you behind it all
but you won't be here
no you won't be here...
so far away so far alone...
i'll think of you though you are gone
this heart has cracked and soon will break
it'll make a noise yet never awake...
I'll reach for you to grant these wishes
cover this flesh with loving kisses
but the wind is getting cold...
and the tunes are fading fast...
a tear for one last memory to hold..
a face a promise a smile a past...
2007-11-06 16:35:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
garwy...thanks..i'm glad i made someone laugh today =D
2007-11-06 21:06:04 · update #1
oh yes...i gave you thumbs up for that too =D
2007-11-06 21:07:00 · update #2
WOW, I like that one myself! Did you write it? That is how I feel about a girl I use to date named Nao Adachi. She is Japanese I dated her about a year she had to go back to Japan and told me she would be back and that she loved me so much. I loved her more than any woman I have ever dated we got along really well. I even saved up about 2,000 that way I could help her pay for her to come back. Well, I must have loved her more than she loved me. She wrote me a letter saying she would not be coming back 5 months after she left. I was heart broken. I have yet to find someone who I get along with and care for that is as loving, sweet and kind as she was. I still miss her and that has been over 7 years now. I am 28 almost 29, and it seems that all women want is a guy that is a jerk or rich. They don't seem to want a honest, nice loving guy who wants a committed relationship. Anyway, I really liked that!! It kind of captures how I feel when I think about her. good job!! =)
2007-11-06 16:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by Prof. Dave 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello my poetic friend,
I, in no way wish to choke you for your many posting's here in the Y/A forum. I, in truth appreciate the new raw talent that you have gifted us with.
In one of your last postings it was brought to your attention about your punctuation, on this realm I will bring to you the point of using "capitalization's". Knowledge and understanding of the art of written creations of art is something to be valued.
I want to give to you a heads up, when you use conjunction words rather the the full words, it makes the piece sound weak. (this is not the impression that I have received from you) Work on using the full words rather then the I'll's and such.
Look into a mirror and recite the piece to yourself using both terms. Which one sounds stronger to you, I'll or I will?
I see great talent in you. Please ignore all the ES'ers that will come your way. Although you may not appreciate the comments, that we, the true knowers (not a word) have, what we have to say is never to harm (as the ES'ers do), but to guide and educate.
I so wish you had email....
Construstive critizism is the best that we poets can hope to obtain. I myself receive, except and apply it in my own writing.
Hope you do not mind but I am forwarding your posting to a few of my friends so that they may give to you their own opinions and suggestions.
This last piece that you wrote leaves me flat in the least . In my opinion, not one of your strongest.
Look at your last three lines!!!!!!!!
Peace & Love to you my friend,
Samantha
PS KEEP WRITING!!!!! Email me anytime!
2007-11-07 03:06:10 · answer #2 · answered by Sam 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh! there u come again,,,, once again,, to cover those utterly defining words in your poem that really rhyme with my mind, unlocking some dark shades hidden in me,,,, i gave up my poetry from few weeks,,, but your poetry inspiring me to write up more and more....thanx,,,, And yeah,,,, There couldnt be a more perfect end to this gorgeous poem,,,,, A face, a promise, a smile, a past,,,,really these all things make up life, and are the things we mostly shed our tears for..........good luck,,,,,,,,cheers
2007-11-07 06:00:56 · answer #3 · answered by I M Stoned 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a very complete, well written and emotional poem....that doesnt stop it from bumming me the hell out...but good none the less
2007-11-07 01:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by Griff 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like this, it's like the person is having a dream/ sad nightmare. I'm sure this would be much better as a song though.^^.
2007-11-07 00:54:38 · answer #5 · answered by SunshineTrait 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
...thats not irritating...
thats beautiful, u captured sorrow at the loss of love, and a longing too.
may i suggest...
copy right it, and get it published.
2007-11-07 00:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by fiery_saph 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES YOU ROCK! i have read many of your poems and i must say, YOU ROCK! keep on writing!
2007-11-07 15:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by black.rose12 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have to agree, i think this is beautiful....if you have loved and lost - you have absolutely captured it beautifully......although I am truly sorry for your pain......
I agree, do get this copyrighted......
Also if you write a lot, do a book...
GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-11-07 01:04:43 · answer #8 · answered by Optimistic1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadness to sundown...
2007-11-07 00:54:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like this, I'll stick it on my wall. do not worry, I'll put you name on it.
2007-11-07 06:51:18 · answer #10 · answered by Can't Stop Smiling 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋