Please read, I need advise?

Question

The follwing is a letter I want to send to my ex...

I just want to tell you this. After much thinking, I have come to conclusion as to why I got so out of control, and no doctor or person could help me understand but it was me that had to figure it out.

That night when I was sick in the hospital, you left me there, and you didnt care how sick I was, what was happening to me or if I lived or died. I dont think ever in my life any person that I knew could ever do something to me like what you did to me, especially after how I helped you. I talked to you every night until you fell asleep and made sure you were around another day.

Everyday that I get up, I think you left me sick in a hospital, and you did not care. While my mother was holding my hair back in while I was getting sick in the ER, you were having good time with "Jenna". And everyday after that thought, I think to myself, I am free of you, and I got away from you, because things could have been so much worst.

You "tried" to turn things around on me, and some of the things you said to me, I could not believe. The best thing I could ever do was stay away and not contact you because it was not healthy for me. When someone you care for does such a thing to you, as what you did to me, it can make you feel so helpless, you dont know where to turn or what to do. The mind games you played were twisted. As for "Jenna", I was right all along, she is just like you, and the both of you can have one another, because you belong with one another, and there is a reason why you are tied to her for life. It was suppose to be about your daughter, and you approached the situation in such a classless way, that all those names I called were accurate.

I don't care about you anymore, I have someone in my life who loves me and I love him so much, and he would never leave me sick because he values me and my life.

Meeting you is something I can't change, but, I can forget you, and everyday you are a fading memory, and thats how it should be.

What you did to me, no good human being should ever have to go through. You made a mockery of me and my value for life. To you I was a hilarious joke, but to me, I thought I was helping someone.

I hate you, even after all this time, I didnt think i could ever feel this way about someone but I honestly feel this way.

I dont care where you live, who you are with, if you are alive or dead, I dont care. If you think I am still dwelling on this, I am not, I am healthy and living my life to the fullest extent possible. What you did to me opened my eyes to many things I was oblivious to.

I wrote you this email, because I dont want to talk to you or hear from or of you again. And that last message I left you pretty much clarified how I felt.

Should I send this letter to him.? He left me while I was ill, I cant get over this.

Answer 1

I'd say if he really left you sick in the ER like you say he did, he deserves every thing he gets. That's why I love karma...... : ) If it makes you feel good by sending it, send it. But if you think you might regret it later, don't. I know someone that wasn't fazed when I told him face to face that he had hurt me, he thought it was funny!!!! He didn't feel a thing about it until I hit him where it hurt, family. He was my step-cousin. At the end of the conversation he asked if we were still cousins, I told him that at most we were Friends. He wasn't happy about that. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get your point across. If you do send this make sure you stick up for yourself and what you have to say and don't back down, that would be the worst you could do.

Answer 2

It depends on what you think the outcome will be if you send it. Do you think it will make him feel bad? or sorry? Do you think it will make you feel better if you send it?

I know you may not agree with what I'm going to say but you are feeling some feelings that you can learn from.
Do you feel betrayed, hurt, used, foolish, angry, etc? (I would be feeling all of those things) The only way to get over this is to learn from it and move forward. Betrayed feelings happen when we invest too much in a relationship and expect something in return. (I've done this a few times).
If this had happened to me I would look at the character of the person and realise he is a weak person incapable of giving you what you want and need. Some people are not worth investing time in - but we usually find this out the hard way after the event.
I would not send it - he has already proved he doesn't care. I would however write my feelings down and go over it many times until I know exactly how I feel and learn not to make that mistake again. Then move on . I know that sounds simplistic but it has worked for me. You will be better off finding a partner who is stable and happy within himself.
I hope this helps and you can move forward ASAP

Answer 3

Try this first.

I know you wrote this letter to him .. but try something else first.

One thing - you CAN get over it. You should never tell yourself that you can't .. tell yourself that you can. It just takes time. TIME ..... is the healer of most all things.

Now .. get you paper & pen. Write 2 letters. Write one letter to him. Write another to yourself.

In these letter .. spare nothing! Say every single thing that comes to your mind. Use any word that you want. Don't worry about spelling or grammer. Say it all .. in length.

To him .. say everything that is inside of you.

To yourself .. express what you feel, what you think , what you want.

Then .. do not mail the letter to him. Take both letters and put them in a place where ONLY YOU can find them.

Usually - when a person writes letters like this .. it gives them a BIG release .. that sometimes help solves a lot of issues .. just by writing them. This may sound simple to you .. and that it could not solve anything .. but just try it.

Don't look, don't read .. these letters for a couple of weeks. After a couple of weeks have passed .. go re-read the 2 letters. Often - the feelings and emotions that were written in these letters surprise it's author .. and make them realize things about the situation in their life.

You can also write this guy the letter you have shown here. However - if he did not come to you when you were very ill .. he probably won't care about a letter.

You have been wronged by him. If you can accept this - and look around you .. you will see that every person in this world has been hurt by someone else, at some time in their life. We all have to learn to cope .. accept it .. and go forward with life.

You have been wronged by him .. which speaks tons of what kind of person he probably really is. Have you ever considered that you might be lucky to discover this?

The letter is your decision to send to him. Do it if it will make you feel better. Just try not to expect any type of decent respsonse .. and don't let it hurt you all over again.

You CAN get over this. TIME .. will help you .. but you must help yourself first.

Perhaps .. giving this letter to him - will help you. Think this over wisely .. that you won't feel further hurt. Ask yourself what do you want to achieve? .. and what could happen?

Be determined to get over this.

Answer 4

It depends...on a couple of things.
-How long ago was that "last message" you left him? If it was a week ago, don't send it.
-How long ago was this? If it was in the past 2 months, DON'T send it.
-Are you writing this letter out of the blue, or is it in response to a message he sent you? If it's out of the blue, DON'T send it.
-If it's neither of those things, then I don't see why you can't send it, but if I were you, just so you don't sound crazy, edit out the paragraph about not caring if he lives or dies and all that. Shorten the letter so it doesn't look like you spent that much time on it, ya know? Cut it down to a paragraph-2 paragraphs, MAX. Cut out the parts you don't need. Otherwise it will look like you DO care, instead of the impression that you've moved on. Keep the part about the new boyfriend, though, that'll get to him :-). & keep the part about how you felt after the hospital, and your mom being there for you, & him being with Jenna.

Answer 5

Are you divorced yet and is all everything settled (custody, etc.)? If not, don't put anything in writing that could come back against you in any way! And be careful even e-mailing or talking to him on the phone. He could be recording conversations or saving a paper trail.

If he is the thoughtless jerk you described in the letter, sending him this won't do any good. He doesn't care that he hurt you or he wouldn't have done it. I know it's hard but let it go. Focus on getting well and taking care of your daughter, and moving on with your life.

Answer 6

If he didn't care in the hospital, he's not going to care about the letter you want to send. You cannot make him see that he is lacking in the empathy department. It's good for you to write that letter out for yourself, because it gives you the resolve that you need to know that you've made the right decision to move on. He doesn't deserve a letter or an explanation about anything.

Good for you that you aren't remaining with a jerk! Too many people do!

Answer 7

Don't send it just yet. Tomorrow or maybe even in the next few hours you will be thinking of adding additional paragraphs and comments. Don't just write him one letter. Make several letters. Then try to see how much of your emotions have changed at the time you first wrote this first letter. If you can let them sit inside your drawer or computer for a week or maybe a month - then do so. After that - burn them and see if you still feel angry.

Answer 8

Very nice. lol :o) Feels good to let your feelings out doesn't it? Sounds like you've done a great thing and moved on.

In my opinion, you telling him that you don't need him and you feel nothing for him and on and on about how you've found someone else, is really only trying to be mean and stoop to his pathetic level. If it were me, I wouldn't say anything about finding someone else who loves me for me and I wouldn't talk about how he's a fading memory and thats how it should be....b/c it's obviously showing that you do still think about him and most likely always will b/c he hurt you so bad. He's gotten under your skin now and he can see it, I'm sure he loves the fact that it haunts you (b/c a lot of pathetic people in this world are like that). Don't bring yourself down to his level and say those things, the whole beginnig part is great, telling him how you feel about what happened in the past. I would shorten it up and end it with something like "I'm glad that my life has taken a turn for the better and that I've finally been able to be me and surround myself with people that really care about me. Take Care and I hope one day God blesses your life as he did mine." Something to that effect will really make him think and show that you've moved on and you're not going to let it get you down anymore.

Other than that, it's a good letter and I would, as said in a comment before mine, correct the grammer errors and send it to him.

Answer 9

Closure means different things to different people.

I know I wrote a scathing letter to my father (some time after parents' divorce), and I mailed it.

My opinion is to print it out, DELETE all copies of the letter, stoke up a good fire, crumble up this last/only copy, spit on it, and throw it in the fire and watch it burn and cry it out.

The only problem I see with actually mailing such a letter is that you might find future justification in sending a second letter, a third letter, and on and on. Which could put you on a treadmill of being torn up -- and that's no good.

The important thing is that you come to closure and heal. And you know yourself best in how to do that.

Wish you the best.

Answer 10

This looks like something you needed to write for yourself. What purpose would it serve to send it to your ex?!? He already thinks he's alright or he wouldn't have left you in the hospital nor would he have been with Jenna. He's an utter piece of garbage and doesn't deserve the effort that either of us have spent on him just on Y!A. Your telling him what you think will not change a dang thing: he's an idiot. Thank your lucky stars that you're no longer with him and be happy that dumb-butt Jenna gets him (for now).