Why are people offended/shocked by my plans to have children to more than one man?

Question

If I have children, I want to have as many as possible, with a few different men. Something like 6 kids, 2 kids per man. That is only an estimate.When I mention this to people, they appear shocked, and some have called me a slut.

I'm not saying sleep with different men in the same time frame. Many people fall in love more than once in their lives. Look at the divorce rate! But I never intend on getting married. I think it's an old-fashioned institution not necessary in todays world of paternity testing.

I just want to give my genes the best chance of surviving. Besides, it's not that uncommon for children to have half-siblings.

Why should people be so offended? Why do they react so negatively?

I don't intend on doing it for welfare! And if I do end up sticking with one man, that doesn't necessarily mean I have to give up my plan of having kids with different men, if he didn't support my plan then chances are I wouldn't be sticking with him anyway.

When I said not necessarily the same timeframe, I didn't mean I would be a single mum - I'd find guys willing to be single fathers, or share the childraising.

I would consider a polyamorous relationship.

Answer 1

people usually have children out of love and usually love one partner... so what are you going to tell your kids when they grow up?? "well i had all you kids because i wanted to give my genes the best chance of surviving" in my personal opinion you sound really selfish. what about how the children are going to be affected when they grow up?? its really difficult having different dads. and your doing this just because you want your genes to survive? how selfish. what about the fact that you should love your kids and not have them just to keep your genes around... omg what is the world coming to?

Answer 2

As a parent, it is very hard when you have kids with more than one man. Raising kids is a lot of work and to have you children go back and forth to visitation with their father and then the new man comes in, you have some kids with him the other kids get used to him and then, bye on to guy number three and start all over again. There is child support and joint custody. The kids will have different last names from each other and different last names from you and if you never marry the guy you cannot even hyphenate your name to have your child's last name. There are splitting the holidays between parents etc. I am divorced and remarried and I feel guilty constantly that my son is torn between 2 families and this happened unintentionally, my ex turned out to be a terrible person and I had to leave. The think you must be very young to have made such a stupid comment. Nobody in their right mind would do this to a child on purpose

Answer 3

This could be very dangerous. You will be trusting 3 males with sharing one female. Sharing is not normal among many males.

Be very careful chosing partners.

You will easily find 3 sex partners looking for short term sex. However, once a child is produced many males consider it "my child". Some males will kill to protect their right to keep what is "theirs". Be very careful. You will be bringing out the animal instinct in the male rather than the "loving mate".
Many males will try to take your children away from you in court. You already know what they will claim before a court of male judges and married jurors. So plan on possible legal fees and losing the kids.
Plan to have a male around to protect you should a male attempt to take the kids by force. Instinct makes many males unafraid of a female regardless of how skilled a fighter she may be. Keep a good relationship with the local police.

This can work out very well for the male. They can have the sex, the child and have none of the responsibility. That type of male is a dime a dozen. You should be very successful.

Many women have tried something similar. In fact many other answers allude to the "welfare mom" that has many children by different fathers in order to collect enough welfare money to live without a husband. It is really quite common and has led to an entire culture of single moms living on welfare. Some are happy, i'm sure. Good luck. Be careful, and buy life insurance for yourself to protect the kids.

Answer 4

It sounds like an unfair situation(for the children). Unless your idea is well planned, by people who have experience in this type of family structure, I would expect serious problems.
I'm not a religious person at all, so I don't want you to think that I'm thinking that way. I just can't imagine a properly functioning family with so many parents.
So, 6 kids, 4 parents(who don't plan on spending much time together), just sounds so unfair. A big part of a smooth running family is time management, I just don't see that happening here. Do you plan on spending time with your kids, alone with these other men, or spend time figuring out a proper schedule for your kids to spend time with their parents?
Unless you have support from close friends/family, and you have experience or have unlimited access to expericenced persons who manage peoples lives, your just going end up with some serious family dysfunction.

Answer 5

Its an interesting thought.
Most people hope to have a constant male influence in a childs life, be that a husband or partner or boyfriend or a really good friend.
This enables the child to grow up seeing how adults should act towards each other, and in turn learn how they themselves should act.

Now, whilst I believe that that is possible in the plans you have, you have to consider the three people it will affect:

The child: Baby one has their father around for a couple of years until baby two is born and you decide (maybe) its time to go to the next partner. Suddenly daddy isn't there all the time and there's a stranger in mummies bed. Then another, then another... (It would be foolish to think that you could go from one loving partner straight to another, 99% of people aren't that lucky.)
Then mummies getting fat and you're told you're getting a brother or sister, POP, oh mummies getting fat again, POP, where's daddy 2 gone?
Oh look, another man in mums bed, wait, you missed him, but don't worry there'll be another one in a minute...

The fathers: Not every man wants to get a woman pregnant and then leave. Most men want to play a part in their childrens lives, be there for them in good and bad. Are you intending to allow them access on a decent level, or hoping they just vanish having set up the maintainance payments each month?
And daddy 2, he's been there as surrogate dad to babies 1 & 2, do you allow him access to kids he loved or just to the kids he provided the sperm for?

Last but not least, you: Can you cope with one, let alone six, if the father turns around and tells you where to go because he's found a woman who wants him there always? What if he says he's not going to pay anything? Are you going to just exist off state benefits?
Can your plans change? What if you really fall in love with the first father, do you keep him?
What makes you think that if you explain to the men that you just want babies by them, no strings attached, they'll want to indulge your wishes? I'm not talking about a drunken one night stand here, I'm assuming you're not too, I'm talking about men who have feelings too.
And yes, people will think you're easy if you say you have several fathers for your children. Look at the way Ulrika Johnson is being criticised by the papers because she's expecting again, number 4 by father 4.

I don't know your age, I'm guessing you're quite young, maybe a teenager, but I really hope that you change your mind for your sake, but more especially for your childrens sake.

Answer 6

Well, actually marriage is a tradition worth keeping. It shows that you are truly committed to a person, and care about them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you do this, you need to make sure you let all your men in on this: I don't know how happy they'll be. Most people only have 1 TRUE love in their life, and men might find this disrespectful to themselvs, and I can see why others would go against this decision. If you truly love someone enough to be intimate nd have kids with them, you should be willing to committ to them and acknowledge how much they mean to you by a bond of marriage. If you love someone that much, you shouldn't need to love someone else. Why not just have as many kids as you want with your husband? Most people also would think it was weird to plan to have sex with more than one man, because that shows that you're not for sure committing your life to them, which should be why you're being intimate with them, which should be after marriage. It is an interesting plan, and do you see now why most would consider it unusual?

Answer 7

Just because its not normal.
You're entitled to do whatever you want but have you stopped to think how the kids might react? What if they or the fathers knew that you intended to have kids with different men? What if one of the baby's daddy's loved you and wanted to marry you?
I personally think you are only wanting this because you want the child support. Or maybe you're just trying to be differnt because you're young and you enjoy seeing peoples reactions and calling you a wh*re or sl*t.
I don't think you're even thinking about how this would effect your 6 children. What kind or stablity would that be?
No its not uncommon for children to have half siblings but that happens when you divorce or dump one man and fall for another. Usually not by choice.
But whatever, it's your choice.

Answer 8

I think mostly because its something you dont really hear everyday. And besides that, consider that sometimes children grow up with emotional baggage because they didnt have a stable father figure. However I dont really seem anything wrong with it, I guess most people are just romantics and set a goal of at least finding one person to settle down with. You might not want to present it that way to people because they will be a little less the understanding. Mention first that you would like to have many kids, then add that your not really ready to settle down anytime soon and are focused on the aspect of raising a child rather than getting married and bearing a large sum of children as if you were a mormon.

Answer 9

Have you ever heard of STI's or STD's?

I am sorry to be so offensive, but that is a very selfish and "whorish" thing to do. Why would you want your kids to look different from their other siblings and why would you want to give them the difficulty of not having the same father?

I am only saying this because I am with a man that also has a brother by a seperate man. His brother had everything he ever wanted because his father was able to provide for him aside from his mom, but his father is a dead beat and it is completely unfair for children to go through this type of discrimination. yes it is discrimination to a certain extent. think about it.

If you plan on being a single mom then go for , or are you just trying to collect on child support for these kids?

I would not recommend this for anyone unless they're carrying Trump's and Gate's offspring.

But like I always say. to each his own

Answer 10

People are shocked because no one can believe you'd plan on having a half dozen bastard children, who will all grow up severely psychologically damaged, due to your inability to grasp the concept of the family unit.

It sounds to me like you just want to collect child support payments to support all those children.

It's attitudes like yours that are responsible for the break-down of society. The gene pool is already diluted enough.