Married/Divorce only! Whats its like to get separated, divorced and then move on to the 2nd marriage?????????

Question

I need help on this guys! I am still on my first marriage of 15 yrs and counting! I am unhappy in that I married the wrong woman in my life! My wife is closed minded, old fashion, has her priorities in life all screw up, I am a negleted husband [always left out], still does not know how to cook, cannot manage finances and expenses, does not like to go out with me, does not like to go out period, is a home body person and I am an outdoor person, takes advantage of me, does not care when I get sick [I always end up going to clinic by myself when I get sick], does not have any reasoning at all, always forgets what I tell her, does not understand me at all, does not listen to me at all, very stubborn, selfish, only thinks about others, does not listen to me, when I talk to her, etc,etc. I am only happy because of my kiddos. If it wouldn't be for my damm kiddos I wouldn't left her a long time ago. Sex is still great 2 to 3 times a week, but everything else sucks!

No I am not a complainer about my marriage! I just want to be HAPPY in my life, thats all! I am also very afraid [loneliness] of complete failure in finding that second wife, because I also have lots flaws, imperfections and defects just like everyone else. I am very afraid of separation and eventually getting a divorce, even though I am unhappy.

Answer my question!! Forget about my flaws. WHAT IS LIKE TO MOVE ON INTO THE SECOND MARRIAGE??? I have not idea what to expect on the 2nd marriage, everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life. Thanks guys for your honest, positive answers.

Thanks Danni M. For understanding where I am coming from. 5 stars! Everyone is so negative and is not supportive here, besides you. Your answer is the most helpful and well appreciated! Thanks once again!

Thanks lily and mjbright, for opening my eyes. MARRIAGE TO ME IS SO CONFUSING!! Thanks for your honest answers and positive feedback!

Answer 1

I'm on my second marriage, If your not happy, try to talk to her about your problems, if that doesn't work try seeing a counsulor. You are luckier than most at least you still have a sex life. If after trying all of those things than go get a divorce. Always try everything before you give up, Because your kids need you to be together if you can. My first marriage didn't have kids. My second marriage is amazing, I've never been happier. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Whoa.... Consider this... You go out and find a new wife that has only half the problems you describe about your current wife? Problem solved? No because you will find the others will develop over time, just like the 15 years you spent developing the first issues. The only way to move on is for you to change. That means you have to decide it is time to move on and be the person that is truly different... If you are you will find what you need. Aside from all of that... Don't punish your kids by living in an unhappy relationship. They don't deserve to see you unhappy. Find what makes you happy and pursue it... Then all will be happy. You never know, but I would be willing to bet your wife probably has a list about you just as long... No offense, but it just normally works that way... So don't look for a second chance.... Seek out what you expect and hopefully you will be open enough to explain to this one what drives you crazy and not just live through it....

Answer 3

It's just a thing in life that some of us go through.

Depending on how the arrangements are, separation can be painful, just the sheer knowledge of having to do it all alone is enough to make anyone scared.

Divorce that to me was like FREEDOM..hell yea...but you are still stuck in the feelings of what do I do now that I am no longer "married". Still scary to a degree, nobody to tell you anything, nobody to help make decisions Nothing, you are now ALONE, a free person to see whomever you want and do whatever it is you want to do.

Moving on to a 2nd marriage, is nothing more than starting over with some better knowledge of how this stuff is suppossed to work.

You will still make mistakes, you will still fight, but it's the lessons you've already learned that will help the 2nd one along and help you to grow with #2.

You will still have different things to learn, because it's a new person, they have new flaws, new joys, new ways of figuring out what they need (or you need), new "pet-peeves", new things that tick you off, etc., etc., but if you choose to marry again, you take a better look at the person for who they are, rather than 1st timers do.

PS..staying for the children will not be better for them in the long run, take them with you if you can, so miss selfish can have her own life, and you'll be the better parent for it!!

Answer 4

So you want to be happy in life. Big deal. So does everyone else. What makes you think you are so unique?

In my opinion all the selfish crap you think is a reason for a divorce doesn't matter anymore. All that matters now is the happiness of your children. Have you thought of them? Will they be happy when daddy's happy with a great new outdoors kind of woman?

Besides. You are really missing the point. Nobody is responsible for your happiness but yourself. If you cannot find happiness and fulfillment in raising your children in a stable, happy home, then maybe you are better off throwing it all away. Just know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. You will reap what you sow in life.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Its a question of morals for you isn't it ? Well in your mind you are on your way to divorce and it sounds like it is irreconcilable . so I think in all honesty and I think most with the exception of the devout religious group out there that you are no longer in a marriage and that you should pursue your happiness Legally is it possible that the wife that you have left might turn about someday and claim infidelity on your count ?seek advice but there must be a way to register for divorce that will not cost and arm and a leg.or at least a legal separation

Answer 6

And you're probably the perfect husband right?
There are always two sides to every story. It's very hard to believe that EVERY aspect of this woman falls short of expectations unless the expectations of the husband are a bit lofty. You say you have to go to the clinic alone? Wow.. adulthood really creeps up on you doesn't it?.. no more mommy? And she's not there to cook for you either huh?
And it took fifteen years AND children for you to figure all this out?
Yikes.
I'd suggest you work on yourself before you start thinking about a second marriage while you are not even out of your first.
P.S. and while you're mentioning what she can't do.. I bet she can use "spell check".

Answer 7

GETTING SEPPERRAYED HURTS , ITS LIKE YOU ARE NOT GOOD enoug for anyone and leaves u feeling incomplete. MY x thought about herself too and sex though was few and far between.. MAYBE I could of been a better husband or more understanding in someways.. I DID everything i knew how to to save the mariage but her friends said i was not worth it . ,. well GOD HAS TO BE top priority to both or it will fail. . COMMUNICATION AND PATIENCE is needed . I AM HEADED FOR A SECOND marriage . my wife left me 3 years after we were married and i lost the appartment i was renting my car broke down no transportation . i moved back to my brothers home! ,. listen men dont play games women dont play head games either. . .
your mate the one you chose to marry is supposed to be like a second skin after all you have an intamate relationship noone can know u more personally then the one that shares your very body . CAN YOU NOT TRUST THEM WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AS WELL AS YOUR BODY? their is no room for self centeredness in A MARRIAGE! ..
mj

Answer 8

A second marriage only complicates things. If you think she is bad now just leave her and marry someone else! Then she will really grow fangs.

If you do leave, take the children or at least ask for 50% custody. Otherwise you are just fooling yourself that you are a young stud who is fancy free to "start over".

Isn't it amazing how she changed from the sweet woman you married!?

Answer 9

Try to work this out for the sake of the kids. Get counseling my friend. Do not, I repeat, jump into a second marriage so fast. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Answer 10

yes i have been where you are right now...but didnt have chidren THANK god...so it was easier for me to move on......... im in my second marriage now and couldnt be happier............ and at the end of the day your in charge of your life and destiny...why are you wasteing your time being there for one more second if your not happy............. even if i had had children i still would of moved on eventualy....it doesnt mean you dont love your kids ...you need to work out what goes against the idea of leaving or what is positive about leaving............. and how is she going to be in regard to letting you see your children.... it could turn very nasty for you...are you ready for that? its more selfish of you to stay and be unhappy with your life than to leave ...life is too short and you dont want to have regreats when your a veery old man and still unhappy ...what sort of a life is that for any one................ i wish you the best of luck working this one out ...take care