What to do?

Question

My sister who is a 26 year old alcohoilc is living with my mother and I in our home. She is married and her husband is also an alcoholic. They have been married and living together for almost a year, in that time the cops have been to their house numerous times for domestic disputes. She tried to kill herself 2 weeks ago and realized she didn't want to be with her husband anymore and wanted to get help for her alcoholism. Today she went back to her apartment with her husband to clean it up because he is moving out also. She is staying the night over at the apartment with him. If she comes home hungover tomorrow what should I do? She came to stay with my mohter and I to stop drinking and get out of that enviornment. If she is going to continue drinking we told her she can't stay with us. She has already relapsed twice in the last 2 weeks. How many more times before I say "get out"?

Answer 1

I believe you have answered your own questions. You can't make an alcoholic see reason, nor can you force them to do anything they don't want to do. You can make choices though that impinge on your life.
AA has a group for family members of alcoholics - support. Check it out. There are chapters everywhere.
You need to live your life, and not try and manage an alcoholic's life even if it is your sister. She has to hit rock bottom and face herself in the mirror and figure it out on her own.
Though you are a good sister for caring.
Best of luck to you both.

Answer 2

She is your sister.. It is true that you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink. No pun intended..but I think you being there for her as her sister is a good thing ..but to enable her by sheltering her may not be the best thing if she thinks she has somewhere to go when things don't pan out the way she wants. If she were at "rock bottom" she would not be over there right now with him, she would be more concerned with the fact that she could kill herself with this type of behavior. Seems to me she is just saying what she thinks others want to hear...and doing what she wants regardless of the consequences... Obviously she hasn't had enough yet. Otherwise she'd be doing things different. I would tell her that she needs to stop the behavior that has landed her in the trouble she's been in ..Or Leave and don't return until she is ready to change the behavior for good!

Answer 3

It is a very difficult and long process. I think you should still accept her if she returns, because that means that she is still serious about getting some help and stopping. Until she gets into a proper program she will most likely continue to relapse from time to time. It is extremely difficult for outsiders to understand (I am an experienced outsider).

If she goes away for a month and then comes back, and goes away for a few more months then comes back, then she is not ready. But the odd night here or there, and then she returns??? I think that is quite normal and likely (if she hasn't started real treatment yet). I think it sounds like she is serious about getting help, or is very close to being serious about getting help, but like I said, she needs to be in a proper program (probably inpatient). If she returns to get her things and has reconciled with her partner, she is not ready and you should withdraw from her until is ready to get help. Good luck in dealing with this, I know it is extremely hard, and I hope in time your sister gets the treatment she needs and begins recovering.

Answer 4

If you guys keep allowing this then you are being a disabler for her. Sometimes you have to show tough love! I know that this is a very hard time for you but you cant allow this to go on. Sometimes we make allowances for our loved ones and that is the worst thing that we can do. I know cause I have been in your shoes.

Answer 5

You and your mother need to go to an Al-anon meeting. There you two need to get sponsors, follow your sponsor's suggestions, and work the steps.

Good luck. I will pray for you all.

Answer 6

YOU NEED TO CONTACT ALANON, AN ORANIZATION FOR THE FAMILY OF ALCOHOLICS...THEY WILL TEACH YOU WHAT MEASURES YOU NEED TO TAKE WITH YOUR SISTER...GOOD AND BAD MEASURES. DON'T ASK PEOPLE HERE WHO DO NOT LOVE HER OR CARE FOR HER AS YOU DO. THEY WILL GIVE YOU PREJUDICED ANSWERS ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES. BOOTH OF MY PARENTS ARE GONE NOW; HOWEVER, THEY BOTH WERE ALCOHOLICS AND ONE BROTHER TOO. HE IS SOBER NOW.....SO YOU CAN NOT ALWAYS GIVE UP BECAUSE SOME OF THEM DO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

Answer 7

teritaur and box of rain gave you the response you needed. There's nothing else to say.