How do you handle Anger Management?

Question

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ***," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. In Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

OMG, they weren't suppose to let that word, the big a, slip through

Answer 1

good one.........I know lots of people that will like this......

Answer 2

Hey, I've been doing it all wrong. When you said anger management I thought of how much trouble I have with my temper flaring up. I have high blood pressure and a short fuse. And every time it goes off I tell myself to calm down and breathe slow. I remind myself if I don't calm down I can have a stroke. And all the time I really should have been thinking of ways to get even instead of getting mad. This could be fun.

Answer 3

Great story. Laughed out loud, literally.

I'm jealous, though. Everytime I use the A word, some A word reports me!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Hilarious scheme well executed. Congrats. The narration can find a place in comedy films too.

Answer 6

Haha that was too funny!!! Ok I have to clean the coffee that blew out my nose off my pc screen now.

Answer 7

Don't you just love it when a plan comes together.
My motto in life is I don't get mad I get even.
A star for you on this one. Made my day. It just kept getting better and better as it went along.

Answer 8

I am now lying on my desk with tears streaming down my face, and my stomach is hurting. To say this is hysterical would be the understatement of the week.! Write a book. Please! :)

Answer 9

Sounds like something I would of done in my younger days, I did do something similar, I said I was from the health dept.and someone had summit-ed his name that he had been in contact with and she had s,t.d and he must contact everyone he had seen and bring them in

Answer 10

You deserve a US congressional gold medal. Well done.

Answer 11

That was top drawer.
thank you very much, you really cheered me up tonight.