how come mistresses get blamed for married men cheating.?

Question

i have been seeing a married man for one year.i ended it ,but he finds it hard to let me go or even tell me the truth about why he wont leave his wife ,he still calls when i say no ,i change my number ,he shows up at my door , he secretly drives by my work and house,point blank he finds it hard to leave me and he tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him .so all wives out there have you ever thought tha your husbands are the ones that are making the other woman feel like they are not happy and that they want to be with them.i think people should stop blaming the other woman nad blame the looser married men that cant be honest with anyone.I was a mistress but i ended it ,but the married man made me feel like i should hold on, he lied to keep me longer ,told me he loved me ,he told me he was leaving her , he was begging me to have his kids,.So stop blaming the other woman because like you , they hurt us too even when you leave them to help save your marriage .

Answer 1

Stop blaming the other woman??? I hope you're not here looking for sympathy for your "pain" because you won't get any from me. It doesn't matter if you ended it or not. That part is irrelevant. You knowingly had a relationship (or maybe I should just say SEX) with another woman's husband. Yes, I do blame him as well. He was wrong. He cheated on his wife. But, don't try to make yourself the victim in all of this. If he hurt you, it's your own fault for getting involved with him in the first place.

Answer 2

Well know woman wants to know her marraige is failing and the man has seeked companionship else where. It also makes the wife realize it could have been her or at least she might have pushed him out the door.

So many women will be on the defensive and blame others. But you have to read between the lines here. somewhere something went wrong perhaps the woman didnt' have time for him anymore or show effection or didn't enjoy having sex anymore or just being a friend lover and companion there are a slew of reasons you can't just pick one.

Men also feel as do we they may show it differently but this doesn't mean they should be tossed aside when children come etc...

Don't like the loser married man sentance you left. He couldn't have been to much of a loser if you were with him . What would that make you then.?? again you don't know whats behind close doors. You knew he was married . Your upset as you wanted him to leave his wife and come to you and he never did and in the end you gave him the heave how as you wanted something longer lasting.

You both got something you wanted out of it. Now you know in the future if your not ready to hear the word no i won't leave my wife. Perhaps you shouldn't get involved with a married man again.

And of course he's going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear. He doesn't want to lose you, and he probably knew what you really wanted was him. yet for some men they will not get up the courage to leave there wife and kids or could be a money matter that would cost him to much.

it goes on and on each man is different depending on how important things are to him in life.

chalk this up to experince and move on. You shared some good times. and its over now.

Answer 3

In some ways I agree with you, although I've never been the "other woman". While you do hold some degree of guilt I put most of the blame at the married persons door, whether they are the cheating husband or wife. The spouse is the one that took vows. The spouse is the one that is honor bound to keep those vows. Women blame the mistress because if they didn't they would have to put the blame on their husbands. If they did that it would be harder to forgive them and have their lives go on as they were (which they never do anyway). They would also have to take a hard look at themselves and wonder what they might have done to precipitate it. Looking at what might be wrong in your marriage is alot harder than blaming some outsider. I commend you for having the strength to end this no win situation. I hope you don't let him manipulate you into going back to him. I truly wish you well and hope you find someone worthy of your regard.

Answer 4

Girl, actually is quite complicated. But I will give my honest yet humble opinion. Men are cheater by nature and so women. Now, it just happen that two of you were 'old flame', and perhaps it did not end up both well according to your story. Yet, if he truly loves you, he must prove honesty to you. Knowing that he was married and worse with a child, it just doesn't make sense. I will understand even if you slept together once more. But please, don't fool your self again. If you had a divorce don't make it as a sort of alibi. You know, the more you are in a complicated situation, the more advantageous men will take that chance, it's a bonus to them. But if your former bf is so honest and love you that much, he shouldn't have done that. And the proof is, he's still playing in some other field aside from you. In my culture, there's an adage that goes like this: "You cannot go boating in two rivers at the same time." I am referring to your old guy. Forget him, he's just using you. And besides, you as a married woman also, will not dare to destroy another family with a child. Just pray that God will send you another good perfect, and honest guy who will love you just as you are. Be wise, you should not be trap with this kind of disguise. Take care always.

Answer 5

I blame you both.
You should have never started something like that in the first place.

I have no respect for any woman who won't say NO to a married man. I'm sorry, aren't there enough reasons today for everyone getting a divorce without women just saying NO to starting an affair and meaning it?

No, I don't feel sorry for you or him. I would never place all the blame on the "mistress" unless she provoked it and kept it up. But you both are still to blame. so...duh.

Just doing it the first time, made you as guilty as him.
If it were all that important for you to end it, why didn't you just say, hey, if you harrass me one more time, I will get a harrasment order against you and tell your wife about us.

Now go home and try and salvage your marriage.

But no, you never thought of that did you?
I can't hear your "he hurts us too" please spare me. Aren't there any single men you can find?

All you HAD to do is say NO, Since you did not say no, I can not have any respect for the type of women you are, I am very strict and against Adultry. If the marriage isn't working yes people will wonder, want to know why?

Because they are the weak ones and are just lining up another, before the other leaves, they can't stand being alone. sham on you for not knowing this.

the only thing you can do at this point, is never do it again.
So he can't make promises to you that he's going to leave his wife for you. Um Um Um...Shame on you both.

Answer 6

Key word is MARRIED man. You are partially to blame just a much as he is. You knew he was married yet kept it going for a year. You should of had the decency never to start with a married man in the first place, it shows you have no respect for yourself or for other women in relationships. You are nothing like us married women. We value the sainticy of a marriage that is why we are MARRIED. People who mess around with a married person deserves the pain that they get when the married person doesn't leave their spouse. Nothing but homewreckers who cant seem to find their own mate so they have to try to steal someone elses. Such a shame to fall into that classification. If he is truely stalking you and your aren't leading him on, call the cops and put a restraining order out on him. Don't tell us to stop blaming the other women, maybe the other women should stop messing with the married men!

Answer 7

Mistresses get blamed also because they play a major role in the betrayal process. Shame on you for not having any regard for others. How low and how cruel of you to mess around with a man who is married!!!!! I guess you figured you had nothing to lose while he had everything to lose. Just remember if he cheats with you; he will cheat on you. I seriously hope you have some remorse for what you have done. If you do have any remorse for the extra pain you have caused; then I think you should apologize to the wife. If you didn't know he was married then I would have some sympathy for you but it sounds like you knew. I don't care if he was telling you he was so sad and not happy, wants to leave her and boo hoo hoo. By you participating in this relationship; it caused extra hardships on their marriage.

Answer 8

I don't fully blame you. Married men come on pretty strong and when they do they are not quite advertising the fact that they are married. But I don't believe either that all married men who cheat can never be honest with anyone. Also why would you post this question when your mostly going to get responses from women who have been cheated on or whose husbands have left them for another women. Bitter women are the best at the blame game and for never accepting the fact that it takes two to have a failed marriage.

Answer 9

Well if you knew he was married when you engaged in an affair with him you aren't solely to blame but you are in fact partly at fault. I wouldn't necessarily blame the other woman. However, if she knew he was married I'd make sure she knew it was a mistake. I'm sure the guy did feed you a long line of B.S. and hurt you. That's what they do. Most cheaters find the other woman exciting because there are no responsibilities. They are already married so they see the mistress as 'unattainable'. If the wife left he just might run to the other woman but chances are more likely as soon as the other woman wanted a serious relationship or marriage he'd bolt. Cheating is their way of having a little excitement. Most do not want to lose their wife. If he cheats in the hopes of driving his wife away then he has no backbone to just divorce her. Who would want to end up with a man like that?! Not me.

Answer 10

I agree in part with you. Men should be blamed for the cheating, but that doesn't make the mistress a saint. The man allowed another woman to enter his life and his marriage. He should have been stronger or braver and make up his mind about what to do with his wife if things were not ok. But women know better...you wouldn't want to be the woman being cheated on. Married men are off limits until they are not married.