In-law help please!!?

Question

Last week when I was really angry with my husband I wrote my mother in law an email telling her that I thought my husband was a jerk, liar, etc. and that I feel she has always hated me. I'm certain she has received and read the letter but she hasn't spoken to either of us so I want advice on how to talk to my husband about this before he gets a call from his mom. I don't feel that anything I wrote was untrue but it wasn't the best way to get out my feelings. I'm am worried this may cause our marriage to end, he is always on the verge of walking out. Any mature ways to deal with this?

Answer 1

Sending such an email wasn't exactly the mature thing to do. I'm a mom and the last thing I would want would be my daughter-in-law telling me what an ****** my son was, even if it was true.
You're going to have to sit your husband down and explain what you did. Sometimes we just have to take the consequences of our actions. Good luck.

Answer 2

I would tell him what you did. I would tell him that it was not the best way to deal with it but in the heat of the moment that is what you did. She might not know how to respond so she has not yet. She also could not have read it yet. I don't check my email everyday. Why is he always on the verge of walking out? I think that you need more stability than that. If he wants to leave because he does not like the way you handled something I would pack for him. We all do things that others (especially our spouses) do not think is the right way to handle something but it should not end a marriage. If it does let him go because you deserve better. Good luck.

Answer 3

Have you checked your "sent box"?

Are you postive she's opened it? since it was last week.?
is your husband acting a little stranger than normal, like his mom has already told him and he's just waiting?

Sounds like you were reaching out to be heard.
I don't think your husband listens to a word you say if he's a jerk and a liar.

I sent an email out "to get a few things off my chest" from being ignored. It happens, you aren't the only one.

I have had to face my consequences for sending that email, but guess what?

I should have done it years ago. I finally got closure and something needed to be done on my end. I'm over it now, I don't feel that anger anymore. I can not believe how much better I feel.but he would not listen or respond to me, I hated to do it in an email, but i felt no other option. It may not have been the right thing to do, everyone has their own opinions, but the way I see it, hey they don't care about me, why should I care about them?

I think once MIL and your husband get "their" emotions out back at you, just prepare yourself. that's the adult thing to do.

Did you say anything that was't true? If not, I would be packing my bags right now and leaving his sorry tail.
And the only mature way to handle it, is to take responsibility for doing it.

do you regret it? If no....then don't apologize
if you do regret sending it, email MIL back and apologize that way first, give her time to read it, then call her.

BUT...keep your email "bland" meaning...what if...MIL accidently deleted your email and never read it?

so say, I'm sorry about the last email I was having a bad day is an understatement. You are a friend to me, and it only hurts that we aren't closer.

Something on those lines...that way if she DID accidently delete your email and you send her an apology email and she calls you on it. like I got your email, what are you talking about? Tell her what email?
Then when she tells you, say oh my gosh that was suppose to go to ??? Debbie???one of your girlfriends, tell her you two had a spat and you sent it to her by accident.

I know it's a white lie, but if you really want to stir the pot, ask her if she got your first email? Then take your blows and move on.

Good luck ~

Answer 4

well if you wanted to end your marriage, you are well on your way now. more than likely she may have already forwarded that email to your husband as well as several other family members.....you think that she hates you now, you ain't seen nothing yet. What you did was juvenile, and is not at all what marriage is about. sure, we are all going to have problems, but you NEVER bring the in laws in on, and you never confront them in the manner in which you did. Just because you were mad at him, that was no reason to email her, and give her the what for, just to get her back or your husband back......this I'm going to show him attitude is going to ruin your marriage. If he is always on the verge of leaving, then your marriage is already in some pretty big trouble, and his mother is going to support him leaving you. The 2 of you need to sit down an have one heck of a talk to see where you are in this relationship, and decide if it too far gone to save. Like I said if he is always sitting on go then it may already be too late. You have some really serious issues that you need to take care of with your marriage.....I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

I can relate to your situation. I would love to give my husband's mother a piece of my mind but it won't resolve anything. You should inviter her over or visit with your husband. Tell them both how you feel and get things out in the open. If the problems are mainly between the two of you then keep it between the two of you. Don't blame her for how he treats you. He's grown and should be help accountable for whatever he does or doesn't do...Every married couple is always on the verge of divorce. It's so easy to walk away and that's an immature reaction. If you feel that you've done all you can then you should leave and stop wasting your time. Don't wait for him to walk out on you. Get your act together and make sure you have money and a place to go if you leave. Don't get pushed over the edge.....you are simmering now but don't boil over...I pray that God restores your marriage and strengthens you both. Check yourself first: find out what you need to stop doing and start doing.......

Answer 6

Well you didn't say you hate her, you just said you felt she didn't like you. Not particularly good that you called her son a jerk and liar, but maybe she secretly shares your opinion. You could try dealing with this the same way you started it, by writing her another email apologizing for the first. don't fall into the trap of restating why you have a problem with him though, as in, " I'm sorry I called Mike a liar. It's just that he is allergic to telling the truth, but you know how he'll say anything to get out of a jam".

It should be more along the lines of "I really lost it, and I'm very sorry I brought you into the issues Mike and I are having. I do respect you, and sometimes I try to enlist your help because I know he respects you, and I hope he'll listen to your point of view. But I don't expect you to take sides against you son."

Answer 7

Tell him you were having a really bad day and that it may not have been the best way to get your feelings out in the open. But good on you for getting it of your chest ! If he cant be grow up about it then let him walk, if he is always about to, you need to tell him that you either get this marriage back on track or call it quits. Good luck

Answer 8

You think your husband might leave you because you wrote a nasty e-mail to his mommy? That's wrong. I'd understand if he got upset and maybe told you you shouldn't have done that, but to actually LEAVE you because of that? No... You need to tell him about the e-mail before he hears it from his mother, and you also need to call your mother-in-law and ask her if you two can talk (in person) so you can apologize for what you did.

Answer 9

MATURE WAYS>>>>>
why now you werent mature by what you did so whats the point in fixing things now? u obviously arent mature enough to even be married!!
i cant even believe that you would do that!
that is so low and childish
your problems with your husband are between you two not his mother!
how could you do that no matter how mad you are?
that is so high school-ish.
and if his mom didnt like you then im almost positve she dont like you now.... talking about her son like that! and you are supposed to be the women that your husband can depend on and rely on!?
how would you feel if your husband did this exact thing to you and wrote your mom an email? and what would yur mom think of him?
im not trying to be rude either but from a women to women i would be so embarrassed by this fact and especially to see his mom in person! if you feel no guilt or embarressment then you dont have no shame in your game

Answer 10

Wow, you flew off the handle and E-mailed his mom. Trust me she read it. And trying to be the bigger person, did not call and say anything to you. Chances are she will tell your husband. The most you can do is tell him before she does. It's too late now. He would rather hear it from you than her. Coming from her will be a big blow to his ego. Good luck