I can't figure this out. He went from being attentive and loving to acting like a jerk over a one year period. It started just before he proposed and just got worse over time. He began hanging out with his friends, never made plans with me and neglected me and when I complained, he didn't seem to get it nor care or did anything about it. Then he rented a house next door to his friends and it got progressively worse. He never wants sex and when I initiate he says it's a weak way of initiating and turns me down and says sex is too much work or gives no foreplay. He doesn't call me when he gets home from work anymore and just goes next door and parties. (There aren't any women there I know of either. It's so bad, I have contemplated maybe he's gay - but I doubt it- who knows!) Today, he worked over time, didn't call to let me know, I made dinner. I nicely asked why he didn't call - he said 'so what?' Like it's no big deal! We don't kiss anymore. (No wed plans yet-of course!)What happ?
2007-11-06 13:05:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't marry someone who doesn't understand what a commitment means. Now you know how he will treat you once you are married. -You need to kick that loser to the curb.
"There's your sign."
2007-11-06 13:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that you noticed his behavior changing just before he proposed. Were you together for a long time, before that? If so, it could be that he felt he had to propose for some reason, but didn't really want to. He isn't man enough to just tell you whatever it is he has to tell you, and is hoping that if he behaves appallingly enough, long enough, you will do his dirty work for him, by telling him to get lost.
The never wanting sex thing is a real alarm bell, as is the fact that you don't even kiss, anymore. He should be all over you. As you say, maybe he is gay. Frankly, who cares? The point is that, at a time when he should be at his most chivalrous, complimentary, solicitous, etc., he is insulting and ignoring you. How can you possibly think this bodes anything but disaster for the future?
Whatever is going on, you need to call a halt to this "relationship". You two are engaged. This is when you should be spending long hours together, planning the wedding, your future home, etc. Instead, he is rampaging around like a teenager with six months to live.
You have actually been given the gift of being able to dodge a bullet. Tell him you are sick of his inexcusable behavior, and the engagement is off. Watch his reaction. He'll probably agree without any argument.
Give yourself some time to get your head together and learn to stop acting like a doormat, before looking again. You deserve a guy who appreciates all you have to give, and who gives back to you. Be proud of yourself for having the sense to avoid a huge mistake.
2007-11-06 13:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by lighght30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were somone else and read what you just wrote right now what would you say to that girl? You would answer your own question by saying girl, you need to dump that guy ASAP because he obviously isn't not ready to follow through with the commitment he has made. Marriage is a 24/7 deal and when someone treats you this way now THINK about how it's going to be when you close the deal. It will not change for the better as you may like to tell yourself. So save yourself even more heartache and money and move forward with your life with someone new.
2016-05-28 05:05:33 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, honey he is saying in actions not words that he doesn't care about you anymore. You need to make other plans and be very scarce. Start planning to move out and keep it quiet, as if he thinks he is losing you he may snap back into the guy you used to know. And from my perspective you don't want that kind of married relationship, he will get worse and worse and your life with him will be miserable. So you tried it, and it didn't work so move on. I wouldn't make any big announcements. Just watch your self and your back....his friends will tell all....If you don't have a job then get one, and tell him you need the independance. Sock away what you can quietly, and you don't have to tell him everything you make if he asks. Hide or let a friend or family member keep the checkstubs. Work on your getting out in one fell swoop.
If you can't do that.....then start not being home and upset your regular routine on purpose. Be 2-3 hours later coming from shopping at the mall. It only takes about 2 times and he is far more attentive, and when you have his attention. Drop the bomb and tell him how he makes you feel when he ignores you and you aren't going to put up with it. Good Luck as this is a toughie....
2007-11-06 13:24:49 · answer #4 · answered by Toffy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mrs.G is right.... things will go downhill from here (marriage), it's not gonna get better only cuz you actually get through with the wedding planning and the ceremony itself. If life's like this right now, what can you expect for the next months, years??? If there's no respect, no tolerance and no interest to be together now that he should want to be with you all the time (isn't that the reason why he wanted to marry you in the 1st place?? I'm speaking figuratively, of course), what can you expect once the honeymoon is over and routine starts to settle?? If he's bored of being with you now, what will it be like when he goes back home to you every single night and gets even more bored of seeing you every single day!? He'll want to spend more time at work, with his mates, etc.... think it over girl, you're still on time to break the whole thing and find someone who does care for you.... I liked the idea of giving him the ring back. Let's see what he does. He either bursts with joy or grovels for you not to change your plans and starts acting like a real man and not a JERK!!!! Good luck.
2007-11-06 13:21:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't love you anymore and maybe even found another girl. It is possible that he just wants to get out and break up and wants you to do it. He has the right to do what you said he has been doing but he could be a bit more polite about it and also be a man and be decent enough to tell you what is going on. Ask him to tell you. If he won't tell you then get rid of him. Why would you want to be miserable with a person like that? Put a bunch of glue down inside of his shoes before he leaves though. What satisfaction !!!!
2007-11-06 13:16:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what happened on that one, I mean maybe he asked bc he thought yall had been dating long enough and that was the next obvious step. So really more to ease the pressure than really meaning it. However, I suggest that you give the ring back and hold off anything that sounds like wedding! Things do not improve by getting married. They usually get worse!
2007-11-06 13:13:07 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of this relationship! How can you put up with somebody who treats you like that, who is supposed to be your fiancee?? You need more respect for yourself and realize what you are worth, and what you deserve. This guys feelings have changed for you, and he's just out doing his own thing. Sounds like he's probably cheating, and is just staying with you because it's easier right now than going thru a break up. Just because you are engaged, or it's been a certain length of time, doesn't mean that this relationship is meant to be. Move on to someone who will love you and treat you right.
2007-11-06 13:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by Shelber 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
im very sorry to say but even if you dont know of any other woman ,guess what 9 out of 10 there is another woman he just hasnt built up enough courage to tell you the truth,if you love him talk nicely if that doesnt work and he is not willing there is another person interfearing that you may not know about .he is waiting on you to end it .men are such cowards that they would rather be ran over by a truck than to let you know what they are thinking ,this is bcause they do not want to b responsible for your hurt.
2007-11-06 14:33:25 · answer #9 · answered by kim27 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
aww, first words i want to say is that im sorry but it's not going to work out. he doesn't want to stick with his commitment to you as being his future wife than you must let the little boy go play with his friends.
he needs alot of growing up to do if it's all he wants to do is have parties with his friends.
this is a beware sign to let you know that he is not the man of your dreams and it's time to say good-bye and find you the love of you life.
good luck!!!
2007-11-06 13:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call the wedding off and ask for a little more time! Because this seems like a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.....
2007-11-06 13:23:04 · answer #11 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋