What is your thoughts on the way I am feeling?

Question

I have a husband who treats me great. He does things around the house and is always respectful. I have a few problems though. He is in major debt (yes i knew before we married) and it has taken me 5 years to get him to call a consolidation place. I don't nag, just mention it every once and awhile. He also has talked me into going to the casino every weekend for the past 2 years. I told him no this weekend and he just watched tv all day and didn't want to do anything. I don't feel we have any fun together anymore. He also has talked me into getting money from my credit card for gambling. I don't know why I have let him do it but it stops now. I am just not feeling great about my marriage. I am going to be screwed finacially for the rest of my life. I know I should have known. Is our marriage doomed? Anybody ever have the same problems? I just don't know if I can handle this for the rest of my life.

His debt before we got married was because of school loans and credit cards. He never said he gambled alot before we got married. I am 23, he is 30. Married for 2 1/2 years.

Answer 1

I don't think your marriage is screwed but he certainly needs help with his gambling addiction. He has no business gambling at all if he's in debt but now he's hooked. I'm sure it started out as him thinking he might "hit it big" and pay off all of his debts. It might just take a clear picture of your finances and goal to turn things around to get him to realize what he's doing and how it affects your marriage. I think you might try financial counseling before you try marriage counseling. You might need both but maybe getting a grip on the financial end will give him a huge boost. While debt is no fun, ignoring it just makes it worse. Facing it head on is the adult thing to do. It might be a huge boost to his self esteem to see that there might be light at the end of the tunnel. You need to seriously talk to him about your concerns and make an appointment to get started on a plan. Hope that helps! Good luck :)

Answer 2

You are resenting your husband for dragging you into his dark hole of debt. I know, I know, you knew about the debt and thought that because you two loved each other then you could work through everything.

If you are in debt as you say you are, you NEED to nag until your husband signs up for a reputable debt consolidation program. With some of the programs, you are able to keep one credit card active for use for emergencies or to rent a hotel, etc. Make a budget and stick to it. That means no gambling. Your husband probably thinks (like most addicts) that if they play one more hand, that'll be the winning hand and your financial problems with be a thing of the past.

It sounds like your husband has a gambling problem. Your husband also sounds as though he is depressed. I would recommend seeking help for the gambling issue; a counselor for his depression; and marriage counseling for the both of you. I know it sounds extreme, but it's probably the only way to save your marriage. I don't think you two can survive on your own--sorry.

Good luck!

Answer 3

yep, considering you are phrasing the whole marriage on I, and not We!. A marriage is a 50/50 deal. You both should make decisions, your both reasonable for the bills, you married those when you married him. You both work things out together. As long as you have the ( I ) thing going on, it sounds like your married to yourself.
Experience? 33 years of a happy marriage, with bills and 5 grown boys. Complain no we work together to clear them up. As far as gambling he has a bad habit, show him how much money he is throwing away. I know, WE did the same thing. big time. Now we go about 1 every 6 months. if that, and it's only with money we know we can loose, without hurting the other bills.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

This is a serious situation that you're in and it's time to have a talk with him. If he's in serious debt and doesn't show signs of wanting to fix it or stop it, then that's an issue by itself. For him to get a credit card to gamble is a huge flag. I can tell you just from working for a credit card company that debt consolidation will leave a black mark on your credit. It shows other lenders and creditors that you need help managing your money. Your marriage is doomed if he doesn't want to fix this and doesn't care about what you think by showing him you want to help him. I wouldn't live like that for the rest of my life. He's going to have to be a man and face up to this problem, and it can be with you, for you, around you etc...but if not, then I suggest you make decisions for yourself that don't include him and get out =)

Answer 5

You must do something now...Your husband has an addiction to gambling...and if you just sit by and allow him to throw all the money away on gambling...you are enabling him.....My husband had some debt before we got married....It wasn't huge but enough for me to know that something had to be done.....He is also not good with money....will spend it if he has it....so when we got married I took over the finances...I pay the bills and give him an allowance....It has worked for nearly 2 years now....and his views have definitely changed regarding money....

Answer 6

Gambling is an addiction. It will ruin your marriage, his life, and your credit. People need consequences - "stop gambling and seek help or I will leave you." - and if you can't say or do that then you are doomed to go down with the ship.

Answer 7

Yikes, your husband has a major gambling addiction. Try and get him some help before he drags you down further. Get a separate account he can't touch and start putting money away. Good luck.

Answer 8

He has an addiction. Seek help. You are in the best position to help him, and in turn yourself. There are many centres that deal with gambling addiction. Look up in the phone book, internet, newspapers, etc. to find one in your area. At least you have taken the first step.

Answer 9

So, he has a gambling problem and you probably knew this when you met him, yet married him anyways. Don't expect it to change.