I am in my mid 20's, and he is about 5 years older than I am. I have a 6 year old son, and have never been married. He, however, has been married and divorced. They never had children, but she had an abortion that he did not really want her to have about 6 years ago. They divorced a little over 2 years ago, and I know that is still bothers him. I think he is over her, but not being divorced (his family is very catholic, and they split only because she was cheating on him). I met his family for the forst time a few weeks ago, and REALLY liked them. It was ALL his idea, but now he seems a bit freaked out that we are getting close. I think he just doesn't want to go through what he went through before.
Also, he is a bar manager, and I don't mind it, but also don't love it. I know his parents really dont like it, or that he is out, LATE, all the time. I know that he wants out of that life, and will quit soon enough.
2007-11-06 12:07:01 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My question is...how can I help him be more comfortable with the idea of settling down again? I dont want to rush things, and am not looking for marriage or anything too serious, just a little security in where we are, and getting to a point where he wants to be around the house at times and just hang out with me, and my son.
Any advice?
2007-11-06 12:08:36 · update #1
Ask him to attend some meetings at a support group for separated and divorced Catholics. Try your local Church for such meetings.
You instincts are good Jenny. He will not be ready for marriage until he heals the pain from the ending of his first marriage. I did this by attending several months of such meetings. It was a wonderful and rewarding experience and it taught me how to forgive and love again. Both are important things to know for the next marriage.
Good luck.
2007-11-06 12:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you need and want him to be there for you on some level, but how do you know that that's what he needs
he's been divorced, he may need more time to get over that. But, if just to hang out with you and your child and that's it, that's something you can mull over with him about over the phone. That doesn't sound so objectionable.
If he does object, then that's that. Can't keep going down that route if he gives you the answer to it already.
If he says it's a go, then leave it at a friendship level until he decides he wants to take it farther than that, and if he doesn't, then leave it where it is.
That's all you can do, is talk it out, and offer friendship. You can't make him love you again, that's something that must be done on his part. But you can make friendship offers, offer support, and see what happens.
2007-11-06 12:14:20 · answer #2 · answered by bun223 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont push him, if you do he will pull away. just let him get more used to the idea. give it time.
also, if things do progress to marriage, dont rush into it before he has another job, that is if it is something that bothers you and him then he should make one change at a time. starting with the job so he can know that he has that stability.
i hope everything works out for you
2007-11-06 12:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You Sure theres Not a chance for them to get back toghter?
Cus i cheated on my husband, we were toghter 20 years tho, & we Spilt, & are best of friends & NOTHING & I MEAN NOTHING, will Keep us apart, THINK , & good luck.
From The Cheating, WE both Lived & learned,
2007-11-06 12:16:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sounds like he's not ready for your idea or proposal...You can't help someone that's not asking for help...
2007-11-06 12:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him want that. Maybe he never wants that again.
2007-11-06 12:14:45 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't. Your son is a show-stopper.
2007-11-06 12:16:32 · answer #7 · answered by TryItOnce 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋