Dealing with husband to be (my fiance -currently) with his pass, that is his ex -wife and son.?

Question

my my fiancé was married from before and had a very possessive ex wife, who wants to know his every move.also his fiances. Even now she still does ,even though that shes assured us that I don’t have to worry about her, she fine with us.but she calls up his mother and sisters asking them if they were aware of him having another woman in his life.The worse part she wouldn’t even allow him to his son ,only for 3hrs per week.I’m very new to this kinds of lifestyle , and don’t know how to tackle it..even though I love him and just want him all to myself ..without her interfering.

Answer 1

well if they have a child together, the ex will be a part of your lives. birthdays, school functions, sports, graduations, marriage, babies, babtism,...............it never ends.
i am a wife and hubby has two kids and they each have kids.....so the ex is just there............. eventually your fiances ex will get a life and not interfere so much............

good luck

Answer 2

First thing that comes to mind-- It does not matter if she is okay with your relationship with her ex-husband or not. It only matters that your two are happy. She needs to let go. It sounds like your fiance is encouraging her by telling her his every move. He needs to stop and tell her to back off, because he's the only one who can get through to her. Unless your fiance is restricted by law, he has the right to see his son for more than three hours a week. That's a tough situation, you should speak with your fiance about talking to her. Otherwise, her attitude is just going to get worse and she will become more controlling.

Answer 3

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn omg im going tru the same thing ughhhhhhhhh omg run now dont look back seriously whenever your bj fiance whatever has a baby mama you r always going to expierence this and you will never have him all to yourself oh and you will never be number 1 seriously i know from expierence ughhh i have asked so many questions about the same situation and it sucks worst of all His son is disrespectul 2 me and his baby mom ughh hate dealing with the whole baby mama drama especailly me i dont have any kids so i just hate dealing with the whole package deal, lol she is actulally calling right now as i type this i am not lying oh boy.....

Good luck to ya !!!

Answer 4

I REALLY feel for you...... Please see my question and you'll know what I'm talking about...


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqkOjSOD_do2cFZ0vMsKXfbsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071105085116AAKEY6q

I Can totally relate to your feelings. It's something you can do nothing about, unfortunately. No, we'll never have them for ourselves "all/only"..... this is something you either accept to live with or make it a deal breaker......... and RUN. It's REALLY difficult to deal with this whole package........ it really is emotionally draining, especially when the fiance/BF doesn't do his part and does not set boundaries to the ***** (ex wife). He needs to do it, not you.... there's nothing you can do to control HER actions, and neither can he, but at least he can set his limits and push her back every time she tries to trespass them. How come "she's fine with us"????? WHO ASKED FOR HER DAMNED OPINION??? Why would SHE have to be OK with your relationship!!?? So he's gonna marry you only cause she DID approve of you and didn't approve of the former GFs??? Come on, you really have to talk to your BF and tell him how this is making you feel, because he has to control that ***** so she stops interferring in your life. She definitely is not over him, and is using the kid just like my man's ex uses hers to pressure him, but he has to make her pull back and stop bothering you guys in any ways. Good luck, you're really gonna need it girl........

Answer 5

Im sorry that you are going thru this situation but theres nothing you can do. You have to trust in your fiance to do the right thing and handle this is a considerate way that can be comfortable for his child and for you.

OBviously the ex wife is not matture enough to handle the situation his ex husband is in with another girl and so she will hold her son against him but you must control yourself and show that you are the right woman for him and so she can trust you in the long run with her child.

Answer 6

I am a step mom of two kids. My husband's ex can be a pain and I don't agree with how she raised their kids.
Always remember you are not their bio parent and you can be their friend to a point.
When you and your fiance are married you two will need to get some ground rules for your home. I looked at it as my home and when they would come over they had some very bad habits. Not opening a bag of chips normal...they would explode it. Mini food fights and such. I wasn't brought up that way and I told my husband.
Make sure you and your husband DON'T rip on the ex infront of the child...That was my number one rule. He didn't, but she did. That child is going to love you all...he is a kiddo.
BE THE ADULT!!! sounds like his ex is like my hubby's ex...always stay calm and cool. Talk things over with your fiance calmly and not go nuts...this will show him you are the adult and can handle it all.
See the humor in her...We got a call one time when the kids were 9 and 12 and well she never checked her oil and blew another engine in her van...she called to say she needed a new car "It would be for the kids...not her". hmmmmm.
You can do it...I have been married to my hubby going on 11 years. I delt with games from her and when she told the kids to do stuff when I was around. I held my ground. They are kids and guidance is a good thing. They never said four letter words in front of us nor did we allow them to watch the movies that they were allowed at home. SCARY!
There are times it's hard to be a step mom, but you will do fine.
They do grow up and you will be amazed at how they trust you.
My step daughter is another story lol. 21 now and she is going backwards...the teens are easy...it's when they are adults it's hard.
Stay calm, cool and collected! If it gets to rough...get a piece of paper and write down all your feelings...and either keep them in a shoe box or toss them...then talk to your hubby.
Remember he will feel like he is the one stuck in the middle so...don't be afraid to ask how he feels about things that are going on. Talk, Talk, Talk.
You are going to be a stepmom and I know the feeling of always just wanting to be just you and him...you will have many times like that, but keep your mind open to have fun with your stepson. Show him new things. When my step kids were young we did a diff. fruit or cheese of the week and rent fun movies and play board games.
As for his ex...she will calm down in time and find another.
Oh another tip...tell your future step son that you are always there for him and if he ever wants to talk you are there for him and it will stay private between the two of you...but if it's going to hurt him (what he says) or harm him...bring your husband in. Tell him to stay calm, because he is needing help and don't blame the ex...no matter what...Future hubby will have to make his own lines in the sand for her and stick to them. Good luck and hang in there!!!

Answer 7

i agree with htam....its your husbands fault for allowing this...its none of her business how much money he makes..what he does or where he goes. the only way to stop it is for your husband not to answer those type of questions.

she CAN NOT determine when he can or can not see his son..or how much money he pays...that is done by the court...now if the divorce papers state he can only see his son for so many hours, he has to comply..but if they state otherwise, and the ex wife is picking and choosing when convenient for her...you need an attorney right away to make her comply with the court orders...

however...everything is based on what your husband wants to do...

.....solution...talk to your husband...explain all that you have here and how it upsets you. and suggest ways that have been posted here. see what he has to say.

he will always have a connection with his ex wife, the mother of his child....but that by NO means ...means she can interfer with your life. his connection with his son is important..

good luck

Answer 8

READ READ READ about blended family problems and parental alienation syndrome. i can't stress to you enough how badly you need to read, educate yourself so that you can clearly see what you are getting in to. I went in blind and got rail roaded. I am glad that I am married to my husband I just wish I would have known about these issues before I completely fell in so to speak. Do yourself and your husband a favor and read up on these things. There is a book called Divorce Poison that is very good also. Good luck!!!

Answer 9

I'm afraid you will regret this. Marrying a man with baggage is going to cause you nothing but heartache. From a biblical point of view, if your fiance and his ex wife were covenant spouses, this means that God will not recognize your marriage. Your marriage will be nothing more than legal adultery. See link below for more clarification.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/divorceandremarriage.php#hatedivorce

Answer 10

Unfortunately, you will not have him "all " to yourself.
He has prior commitments with his son.
When there are children from a previous marriage, one needs to deal with that and except it.
Don't put your husband to be in the middle of it and make him choose you over his child.
Just deal with it, and confront his X to mind her own business about the finance part.