the right time to talk about abuse?

Question

ok. im not here to get judged. the situation itself is hard enough. i am 5 mos preg and my husb is physicaly, emotionally and verbally abusive. and i know it. and as stupid as it may sound i dont want him to get in trouble. he is in the army and we live a stressful life. it usually only happens when he drnks but not always. wehn i was about a month preg he threw me in the closet an shut the door and thought itwas soo funny. and another time he did the same thing after i has asked him where he was going and he got mad and said i asked too many questions i was almost 2 1/2 mos. b4 i got preg and moved in with him four states away from home, to where he is stationed we had our fallouts bc he had cheated on me with two women a few weeks after we got married. i moved with him for ALL the wrong reasons i had hope but shoul have known. one day i was going on and on about these girls bc i really had no idea what they looked liked how far they lived if they were ever in OUR house with him...

and it was fusrtraing i was so far away from home with nobody but him. anyway it led into me crying and him covering my mouth tellin me to shut the f88k up and so forth. it has been hell for me and at first he seemed so happy about me being preg and things can go so well but it always seems like when i dont want to have sex he gets all pissy. i was having complications early in my pregnancy and had to go to te ER twice for bleeding (had a prev miscarriage) and he had no concern of going with me bc he "didnt want to be there all day". so up until now we have had more than enough reasons for me to leave but i hate it knowing that i am in the cycle of abuse and i always fal for his shyt i am so much smarter than this but i feel so helpless i have been with him since i was 16 and now i am 20 married with his child. its so much worst when he drinks he tells me he has a retarded wife and he pushes me and the last arguement i asked him to leave me alone and he was was forcing me to look at

him and telling me that he must not have pumped enough fear into me and then i was crying adn he covered my mouth and i had been crying for almost an hour so my nose was a ll stuffy adn my mouth was covered so i couldnt breathe and i was so scarrd. he took me to the room adn cornered me until i d talk to him and then whn i didnt he threw me on the bed. and i fell off and hit my belly. i look at him with so much anger and i hate it i never wanted this to come to this but then the next day he said it was bc he was drunk and that he didnt remember any of it. and when i wasnt talking to hima after the room incident he was acting like he was going to kill himself in the bathroom adn was saying it was going to be blood on my hands if he dies and he hopes im happy and all this crazy stuff. i know what to do and thats to leave its just so hard being so far away. sorry sucha long story, but what has any one else done in this situation without an arguement evolving? how did you get out?

Answer 1

Sweetie.
Ask him this..
He might get mad but some people get Abused when there kids becuz of how there parents were raised so they think they should do it to there Wife, or kids.
i think you should talk to him about this..& ask him does this hurt you Do u even care that i`m crying when ur abusing me?
I think he cares..But i think he should also stop being it is completely wrong..
If you love him Then stay..Try to get help with this.
he is just one of those guys that Abuses there wifes.
I`m sorry this has happened to you. Just try talking to him about this Because nobody should ever be in this Situation

Answer 2

What exactly is your question? I am very sorry this is happening in your life. Especially while pregnant. But the time for thinking just of yourself is over. You have one priority and that is the safety and health of your child. If he is abusing while pregnant, he doesn't have any regard for that child. You don't want him abusing the child or having your child watch this stuff go on. You need to tell your family or someone else and get away from him. Just because he has a stressful life or drinks is NOT an excuse. Nothing you should ever do should cause someone to abuse you. EVER. PLEASE get help from someone and get yourself and your unborn child out of this situation. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. You can start over with your baby and you will be so much better off.

Answer 3

Please take a look at to not be embarrassed not anything was once your fault, YOU did not anything unsuitable. I are aware of it's rough however the aerlier you attempt to confront what occurred to you the earlier you'll start the sluggish cure approach. Your cousin was once unsuitable four what he (presume it is a he) did to you and also you have got to you need to be powerful so he does not turn out to be ruining your lifestyles. Some men and women mentally block it out till mid maturity however it'll consistently come again to hang-out you until you manage it. It can have an effect on any additional relationships you might have as an grownup so take a look at your excellent to begin sorting it. It's well that you'll write right here as that is some way of confronting it too. Why do not you print out your query right here and the solutions and supply it in your counsellor. That will aid begin the approach and despite the fact that you are now not capable to speak but (your counsellor will have to be sufferer and wait until YOU are capable) it'll supply him / her a clue as to why you're depressed and doing distinct matters. I do certainly desire this is helping and that you simply get force from the solutions you could have bought. Good success.

Answer 4

The first thing you have to know is that it's not going to get any better; in fact, after the baby is born, it will probably get worse.

Guilt holds us to these types of relationships ... not wanting to get our partner in trouble, not wanting to hurt them, etc. ... but are they really as concerned about us? Think about it.

Also realize that domestic violence is like a wheel ... it starts out as just a little aggression, then escalates, and then you go through the honeymoon stage in which they're really nice to you and then the cycle starts again ... with time, each of these phases gets shorter and shorter until you're being abused most of the time.

Also, realize that after the child is born, this abuse can be directed to the child. How would you feel if your husband shook your baby and killed him/her, hit him/her because she was sick and was crying and left bruises, or threw the child against the wall? Also, we set examples for our children ... do you want your child to see your husband abuse you while this child is growing up? More than likely, the child will either become the victim or the batterer in his/her adult relationship and the cycle of abuse continues. Children learn from the examples we set for them, whether they are good examples or not.

There is a lot of information on the internet concerning domestic violence. It would be helpful to you to read it ... sometimes just seeing it in print helps to validate your feelings. Obviously, you're a little concerned or you wouldn't have asked your question. And talking about the abuse with your husband isn't going to help ... his decision not to abuse you (or anyone else) is his and his alone, and although some batterers may get help, most don't because they don't feel they have a problem. Get some information, call your local domestic violence shelter ... they can offer you counseling even if you decide not to leave, and begin building a support network ... there are some support groups online as well as some at mental health agencies. But I would highly advise you to think about your future, as well as your child's.

Yes, it's hard being a single parent, but it's even harder living with the stress of being abused and wondering what's in store for you with his next blow-up. There is help out there ... counseling, shelters, etc., and then later, rental assistance, job training, childcare assistance, etc. YOU CAN RAISE THIS CHILD ON YOUR OWN!!!!! You don't have to take the abuse!

If you need to talk, email me.

Answer 5

Ok. You need to get out now! Call your family...go home. Pack your stuff while he is gone and leave him!!! File a restraining order--file charges--inform his superior officer of what's going on. You are putting your life and the life of your child in danger!It doesn't get better sweetie, trust me. If he gets in trouble GOOD!!! Noone has the right to abuse another person Period!

Think about your unborn child. Do not let your child grow up in this atmosphere. He/she will grow to believe that this is natural, the way that women are supposed to be treated. If he's abusive to you he will, more than likely, be abusive to the children also. Do not use the excuse that it's only when he's drinking. He know's what he's doing...and that's his excuse to make it seem ok.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 6

oh, poor baby, (do you hear the sarcasm?) you don't want him to get in trouble, so instead you are willing to lose your life or your unborn childs life...i'm sorry, but you are not very bright, and don't blame your age on this, yes you were young and got into a situation that is not good. you need to get out, call your family let them know what is going on, and i'm sure they will send you money for a ticket, not for his booze. and just becuz he is in the army and stressted that does NOT give him the right to beat your, verbally or physically.

DO YOU HEAR ME? HE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU IN A HARMFUL WAY! EITHER GET HELP OR NOT, BUT WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING YOUR DEAD BABY IN YOUR ARMS, THEN WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CRY TO?
sorry to be harsh, but i think someone needs to wake you up!

Answer 7

let me ask u this my dear,

why do u put up with it? i mean, Y!!! do u like getting treated like trash? do u like being kicked around? im not judging u at all? i know how it is. ****, i lived my hell hole with my mom and dad when he use to beat her like she was a rag doll. One day, he even almost killed her with me watching from the livingroom door. He knew i was there but did nothing to stop. He wont ever stop till he gets help. And until HE chooses to get the help on his own, then ur **** out of luck! Dump the bastart and take his money girl! for your kids sake!

kevin

Answer 8

there have been too many wives dying at the hands of their boyfriends and husbands. Do you want to be added to the list of deceased? GET OUT BEFORE HE LANDS YOU IN THE HOSPITAL OR KILLS YOU.

Answer 9

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE ASAP, BEFORE YOU AND/OR YOUR CHILD ENDS UP DEAD BESIDE THE ROAD SOME WHERE. CALL YOUR FAMILY OR WHO EVER ELSE YOU CAN TO HELP YOU AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING. you CAN and WILL get help, YOU JUST NEED TO ASK FOR IT. good luck sweety, you and your baby will be in my thoughts and prayer's.

Answer 10

So you want your child and/or yourself to die or be too damaged for repair? Get out now before you have your child taken away as soon as it's born for the damage it and you has taken.