Wives, I need an honest answer. Pretend I'm your girlfriend, and not a man. What would you consider an?

Question

abnormal sex drive? I mean I know all of that 'every couple is different' b.s., but how many of you out there actually can go without any for seventeen days, and go to bed that night without so much as mentioning it. And you're not mad at your hubby, he far from sucks in bed (in fact he does that to you every time you actually get it on, and is always full of new ways to satisfy you), and he gets hard when you just walk by. He's obviously in love with you. He does more than his share of the dishes, all of the laundry, works close to twice as much, gives the three kids their baths during the week, gets them to bed, and ready for school. Because of your work schedule, you're not home during these times, or need to sleep. He's always mindful of that, going out of his way to ensure your peacefulness.

And yet when you get the chance to be alone together, you don't mention sex, don't anticipate it, and seem to be able to go without it. Should your hubby really consider that normal?

Thanks for the answer bluebutt, but we have talked. She says it's not something that she thinks about. She considers it normal.

Wow, I like the sound of that rorybuns. I do get the occassional hj, and even tj's now and then. So maybe I shouldn't be comlaining or whatever, but at those times its like, it would just be quicker, and it just seems so cold.

Answer 1

I would be jumping your bones all of the time if you did all of that for me!!!!!!!!!!!! Not sure the problem but good luck!!

Answer 2

This can be normal, but have you actually talked about it? Does she turn you down, or do you even ask for it? If my husband never asked me for sex, we would probably never have sex. But as it is, we have plenty of enjoyable sex.

She might be tired, stressed, pre-occupied with an upcoming event, unhappy at work, frustrated with the kids, or the extreme of being unhappy with the relationship. You won't know if you don't talk about it. And when you do try to talk about it, do not do it when you are trying to get some or right after being shot down. Do it when you are away from the kids and relaxed.

Also, sometimes sex is better when it is not marathon love making. Maybe she's not interested because it takes too long. Foreplay is great, but a good quickie has its place, too. She may not always want to be satisfied. She may just want to go to sleep. Some women can go without it for a long time and not be bothered by it.

Bottom line, talk about it with her. If your kids were doing poorly in school, you'd talk about it. If you had financial problems, you'd talk about it. Well, sex is just like any other part of a marriage.

Answer 3

You must remember that men and women are built differently...For a man to feel loved, he needs sex from his partner...but for a woman to feel loved, she needs to be relaxed and comfortable with her partner. (Men give out caresses in exchange for sex; while women give out sex in exchange for caresses and for cuddling and feeling "close".)

I agree with other answers, and think you should set time apart so you can both talk about this situation. Let her know you need to feel the physical intimacy more often; and see if there are things that are worrying her or bothering her. (Sometimes we would like to have sex but we are soooo tired that we'd rather sleep...but it's not that we don't love you or don't want you, either.)

IMO, lack of intimacy is just the tip of the iceberg. You should try to find out WHY this is happening so you can understand what's going on, and perhaps then do whatever you can to change things.

Having kids is a HUGE responsability, and we all hear about other people having great sex all the time and so we feel cheated. But a marriage is hard work, and sex isn't exactly at the top of the priority list when you have other things to worry about.
Good luck....

Answer 4

Sounds like you two need to get some alone weekend together to talk about this.

Maybe she is afraid of getting pregnant again? Maybe she is worried she can't be that sexy momma you think she is? Maybe she's feeling insecure. What age is she (she could be going through early menopause). There can be lots of reasons she seems disinterested in sex.

Do you initiate sex and she turns it down? Maybe she's just waiting for you to initiate it. I know my hubby does that and it drives me nuts... sometimes you just dont want to always be the one initiating ya know. If that's the case with you, let her know you'd feel better if she initiates sometimes.

BTW: I've gone 2 months now without sex because we've had a baby... and I can't imagine if you guys have kids that you havent gone longer than 17 days without sex.

If you guys can't work it out alone, seek sex therapy!

Answer 5

Sometimes (for a woman anyway) the longer you go without it, the LESS you want it. Then it becomes really strained and weird because it's been too long. There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't have a high sex drive right now. Have a talk with her about it (don't whine or act angry, just ask in a caring way).

Answer 6

Sex to me isn't on my top priorities honestly. I have been married for 11 years and we don't have sex every night and it is common for us to go over a month sometimes and neither of us complain or have a problem with that. If someone is stressed that doesn't help. Maybe you should sit down and talk to your wife about your issues and figure it out. I do have to agree though that once you are older sex isn't something you have to have every frickin night. There are more important things in life......

Answer 7

sounds likely that ur wife may have issues about herself. i see u mentioned that u had 3 kids, she might not feel as sexy as she used to before the kids
kids can change ones sex drive especially if the woman feels she has changed drastically body wise. u might think she is sexy as hell , but sometimes women don't feel the same after having kids. also she might feel inhibited to do some of the sexual things u guys were into b4 because again kids do changes (she might be exhausted from caring for the kids, u know they can be a handful)

give her her space, let her know how much u enjoy her physically, emotionally, and mentally. also let her know u miss her embrace and would like to be intimate. don't be pushy(women hate that).............. good luck

Answer 8

17 days is WAY too long for me. Sometimes I am stressed and don't want to get it on, but 17 days, yeesh. I'd at least give him a BJ - ya know?

I would look into this. There's something not right here. Has your wife always had a low sex drive, or is this new? She could have a hormonal imbalance, or be depressed, or perhaps she doesn't like the sex and fakes it?

Answer 9

Men who have been married for a long time ca common ly go 2-3 months without sex. it's the young couples who put pressure on each other to have to have sex every other night.

Answer 10

What you mentioned, except for the kids, is exactly how my husband and I are...I love him with all my heart and fully enjoy our sex life...due to his work schedule and stressful job and highblood pressure he is rarely in the mood...now being pregnant with our first child I am rarely in the mood...so we will make love on average about 5-6 times a month (and that's a generous estimate)...I am fully satisfied and can go to bed not the least bit concerned...and so can he...we have no problems communicating our wants and needs and when our schedules allow for it we meet each others needs...we are fully satisfied...

Answer 11

well unlike men women don't think about sex every waking moment. its normal in a relationship to go for days, week, months without it , the mention of it . relax just think when its "the time" it's going to be a good one