How many men will tolerate it if I let them know of the fact that ..?

Question

.. I set the rules in the house and they can set them when we're anywhere outside or in the car? Am I very bad for doing that? If someone has the choice to take me or leave me, if they agree to take me, haven't they agreed to that agreement? I need answers. So, please let me know.

Do I need to reorganise myself totally mentally?

Honesstly because having to come home at 23.00 will never be the same as 01.00. And three or four beers will never mean coming totally drunk at the beginning of the week.

Then maybe I have sometimes attracted someone with some lack of discipline. Why should I have to tell someone that just because it's the weekend it doesn't mean you have to drink like there is no tomorrow. They should know this themselves without me having to tell them. So when you try to bring some king of decency into the picture you become the bad one?

Ms. Exxclusive, I like your words of advice. Infact I asked whether I need to reorganise my way of thinking. I am open to ideas from people and I have asked a similar question before and tried to make changes. Infact if you think so I will be willing to see a relationship counsellor in the future if there's one. People are coming down hard on me and yet a good number of them are rigid in their ways of thinking and are totally convinced that they're right.

Davasaur, your thinking is old fashioned. You advise me to calm down by suggesting that a man should be the king in the house? Or do you mean that there should be a king and a queen? I really hope so because I'm not about to be bullied in the house by being submissive 24/7.

You're right froggie. I meant roles but also rules. But thanks for the advice. I can use some.

I think bububaker might hsave a point. There are many women who are nagging everyday simply because things aren't gonig as they expected. This is where the rules come in - or let's call them guidelines on how thnigs should be done. Isn't it better to inform from the get go than nag on a daily basis?

That part is true too "browneye..".

No actually those words were beautiful "growing up". Thanks.

Thanks to all of you who provided answers to my question.

Aaron K, you don't? That's fine with me. You know it's a free world. But I'm open to advice and new ways of thinking.

Answer 1

I can only speak for me. I feel that it takes time to build a relationship and in that time you get to know each others thoughts, feelings and for lack of a better word "rules" If you were to enter a relationship without making your feelings clear in advance your gonna have a tough time getting anyone especially a man to accept "demands" however if you make your views and requirements for a happy relationship known in advance I can see nothing wrong with getting what you want. The real question is... What are you willing to settle for to achieve your happiness??? You take it or leave it nobody should enter a relationship thinking that all will be well if they can just "change" the one they love. You either love somebody for who they are or you don't really love them do you?

Answer 2

'm assuming the men you are speaking of are men you want to be in a relationship with. Relationships involve compromise. How would you feel if you started a relationship with a man who said "I have some rules and you must agree to them or else", you might feel disrespected. Instead of setting rules in advance, talk to the person and set rules TOGETHER and COMPROMISE. All of your rules won't fly, but hopefully the most important ones will (and same for him). If you can't come to some fundamental agreement, then maybe it isn't meant to be.

Also, what "house rules" do you mean? Do you mean that you are queen of the house and everything you say goes? If that is the case, then that is pretty unfair as the home is everyone's domain. However if you mean that you like taking certain roles in the home that is another thing, and you will have to find a person who agrees with you on what your role should be.

Answer 3

Well, I would tell you a lot of them would be in agreement. But that would entale you doing all the work for the most part by yourself. Because they are not going to want to deal with you throwing in there face that you told them in the beinging your way or the highway. That would also mean you totally submitting to them everywhere else. You not have an opionion even. If what you are saying is taken literally. IMHO I would not be happy with that. My husband basically says have at it with house stuff, but is also helpful and supportive if I'm stuck. When we go out or do something he values my opinion. The house rules are not literal, they are the general spirit of the house. And that spirit continues when we are out, when we are in the car and everywhere. But no person ever likes to be completly dominated and ruled over. It makes you feel as if you, your thoughts, and your existance are of no value. People tend to be rebellious no matter the age when this is taken to extremes. (Hence all the rebellions against totalitarian govt) Life especially is give, and take, and about respecting the other persons needs, wants, and desires. If you do not care enough about the person to set up your life honoring them in that way, and your heart is not longing to please them, You probably should not be with that person. Because all you will be doing is fight over who is right and who's turf is who's.

I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear but it is the truth...

Answer 4

I think communication in a relationship is a two way street. And you sound very narrow minded, how many guys will put up with such nonsense? Are you over 18? I've never known a man that liked being walked all over by me or any female.
If you want a long term relationship, you need to rethink how you treat someone, or better yet consider that if you treat them that way, whats to stop them from treating you as if you don't matter?
And your question on the "take me or leave me" part is very immature. Ever hear of compromise?

Answer 5

If it is strictly your place, meaning only in your name...you're the boss. If folks can't dance to your music they should move on. When in someone Else's home(his) you will either dance to the music or move on. Setting parameters though can be somewhat sticky. Some folks like to give but not take. If in his home you may be the 'woman' of the house but even then you can't overstep certain boundaries. And vice-versa when it comes to yours. This may be too much information but my lady friends know that when they come to my house, I walk around in the nude. They know that I'm single and they can have a key to the place if they choose. They also know that the possibility exists that another woman may be there. Some of them can handle that and some of them call first to see if it is alright to come over. Choices? Folks need to fully understand what they are getting into and not walk into a situation with blinders on. That's how it is with me and mine and a woman that can relate to that is more than welcome. Eventually when I choose to 'settle' down then I have to make certain adjustments accordingly. So I will do what I do until the right woman comes along and make me commit to her and then I can unashamedly say that she's the boss...but I'm all man and the head and leader of the household.

Answer 6

Wow. No, if someone agrees to be with you that does not mean they agree to everything you are going to do in the future. Stop trying to dictate the house, why don't you both set the rules at the house, in the car, outside, etc. No offense but you sound completely controlling.

Answer 7

First off, institution boy, it is "plenty,", no longer "alot." THERE IS NO WORD "alot." Second, it is "afterwards,", no longer "afterwords." And so on. Next, skimming a few baseless factoids at the again of field of Cap'n Crunch isn't "study." PsycInfo lists most effective 20 articles at the area because 1872 - and 19 of the ones are study performed with *monkeys* which has been "extrapolated" to folks. Finally, you are simply *an extra* cuckold wannabe right here on Y/A, or as it's typically identified, Cuckold Central. Honestly, at the same time you are making my dermis move slowly, you cuckold dudes are a dime a dozen round right here.

Answer 8

As long as the house is just your house then I don't see the problem. However, if you mean the house is shared by you and the man, that he contributes to the household or that the two of you are married, then it isn't your house alone. The house belongs to the two of you and you are being unreasonable if you think that all matters pertaining to it or which occur under it are only your domain to do as you please.

Answer 9

I think that in order for you and that person to grow, you both need to compromise with things. If you continue with your my way avenue of thinking, you are gonna be lonely and you may miss out on a love that is so beautiful. Remember in order to grow as a person, you must be willing to change and adapt to new things.

Answer 10

If you do not change that attitude in the end, it will be only you there. Listen it is 50/50, turn your words around, don't you think if they agree to take you, then you agreed to that agreement? yeah not someone you would want to be with would say that. good luck, you will need it.