Recently, I had to call out a friend who borrowed money for a house payment. She was mentioning buying items for herself and other people in front of me without paying me back for a year. I admit, I called her a user. She reacted in the following way:
- She said F you and sent me $50 and said "never talk to me again."
- She said she hates me and resents me.
What causes such reaction and why does it make me feel so guilty?
2007-11-06 09:37:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
did i say it was in front of people? it was one on one discussion.
2007-11-06 09:50:59 · update #1
If you called her out in front of other people, she was likely embarrassed, one that you said something in front of everyone, and two because maybe she didn't realize how long it had been since she had borrowed the money and had forgotten to pay you back. Maybe she felt ashamed/embarrassed for ever having to ask for the money in the first place. Some people (like myself) like to put a strong front for others and it's hard for them when people spot weakness in them. She likely reacted in anger because it's hard to admit embarrassment.
As for why you feel guilty, I can only guess that maybe it's because of the way you talked to her about the money (if it was in front of other people). I'm also guessing you probably feel bad because she just ended your friendship and that hurts. I'm not saying it was right of her to go so long without paying you back, but if a situation ever comes up where you have to confront somebody, do it in private where it's just the two of you...it allows the other person to save face. Hope this helps.
2007-11-06 09:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by Angelia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably embarassed and angry that you pulled her up on the money in front of other people, especially her friends!
She is also probably feeling a bit guilty about not having paid you back yet, but that is being overwhelmed by anger!
You also, however, didn't handle the situation well!
You were overcome with anger when you heard her discussing what she was going to buy !
You showed her up in front of people and you called her a user!
It may be that you will have to make the first move, as you were the cause of this situation, even though, admittedly she should have paid you back by now!
Give her a bit of time to calm down, then send her an apology card to diffuse the situation a bit.
Hopefully she isn't one to bear a grudge!
Good luck!
I'm sure you'll resolve this!
2007-11-06 10:02:14 · answer #2 · answered by Watsit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
name calling rarely elicits a nice response. i would have taken her aside privately and asked for the money. if she didn't have it immediately, i would ask her to sign a promissory note making payments by such and such a date. it probably makes you feel guilty because you lost a friend over money (and money does make many friends enemies). if you value her friendship, try to reconcile with her, but vow to never loan money again. best wishes.
EDIT after your addition: ok, so her reaction was probably a reaction to being called a user. I think maybe I would be upset if someone I thought was a friend called me that (even if it is true). in any case, both of you seem to have had negative reactions to this whole incident. again, if you really value her friendship, see if you can't patch things up and try to have a more mature relationship (this still includes no loaning money). otherwise, chalk it up to experience and choose your friends more wisely.
2007-11-06 09:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by no qf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She felt that you had betrayed her and that friends shouldn't have to pay each other back, as that is what friends do (which is not true) You feel guilty, because, well, she's ur friend. Apologize to her for being an @$$(though u weren't one at all, but you have to submit sometimes) and never let anybody borrow any money ever again.
2007-11-06 09:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by mikezcim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should feel guilty about that at all! It's her who probably felt guilty and then when you called her on it, she felt stupid and embarrassed in front of people so she tried to deflect the attention off of herself and onto you.
You probably don't need someone like that as a friend anyway.
2007-11-06 09:46:00 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One you should not feel guilty, your friend needs to know what the word BORROW means. Two you did the right thing by calling her out, what do you think she would have done if the shoe was on the other foot?
2007-11-06 09:41:20 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Vee 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, you didn't have to call her out, you chose to call her out. Second, you chose to do so in front of others instead of alone, so your purpose for doing so might have been to make others aware of her character, but it was also one of attempting to humiliate her.
I hope the amount she owed you was at least $50. If not then she should fully expect you to talk to her again.
2007-11-06 09:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should've talked to your "friend" as an adult instead of "calling her out" the way you did. Especially since you don't know for sure if she actually "using", you're only assuming... which is never good. If one of my pals disrespected me like that, I would've knocked his teeth out. But then again, I rarely borrow money from ppl, and when I do, I pay them back immediately.
2007-11-06 09:43:23 · answer #8 · answered by stratostix 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It got such a reaction from her because it's the truth, and frankly judging by her actions she probably gets called it quite a bit. (which is probably why it hit a nerve) I think you are better off not even dealing with a head case like this.
2007-11-06 09:40:46 · answer #9 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The reason she acted that way is because you actually made HER feel guilty first, and also possibly because you embarrassed her (if it was in front of other people).
2007-11-06 09:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by nameless 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋