Is my wife being unreasonable, or am I overracting?

Question

My wife has come back after visiting her home country for several months while I managed to work full time, a second job part time, mange her business and pay all bills and cope with everything. She is now saying when I try and advise her about her job prospects (and I helped her get interviews) that I can't tell her what to do. To me, she seems lazy and just wants it like when she lived with her parents. She is not acting very mature. I want to motivate her, but she rejects my help. In teh meantime I have more and more debt and it was her idea to get the house. Now I am not sure if she wants me or to live in the same country as me. Am I overreacting, or is she being difficult, lazy and immature?

Answer 1

:You tell her the facts and that is, the house costs money, I am no longer working my butt off to pay all the expenses, if you do not agree to work and help out then we are selling the house. And mean this. Other wise she will continue to take advantage of you.

Answer 2

Some wives think when they work to support the house is an "extra" thing to do cuz the husband should be the one doing that ..

Some think that supporting the husband and helping out is what a real mature woman would do

i guess ur wiife is the first kind .. well .. when u get in more debt and more in trouble she'll notice that cuz she'll be wanting things that she cant have cuz there isn't enough money .. that might wake her up and make understand how serious this is and would start looking for a job .. that's the only way

Stop telling that she should get a job .. she's probably becoming more stubborn cuz i guess u talk about that too much

GooD LucK

Answer 3

Is this a big personality switch or was your wife always this way? If this is just who she is, you can't reasonably expect her to change overnight. A lot of times we women react not just to what you say, but to how you say it. If you speak to her out of anger and frustration she is going to naturally bring up her defenses and not discuss the issue at hand with you.

Basically if she was visiting a country in which the men are expected to work and the women typically stay home and raise children, clean house, etc. then you are going to have a tough time pushing her out into the job market because she was raised to believe her husband would take care of her needs and has just had that belief reinforced by her visit with her parents.

Try this: Take her out for dinner (or cook a romantic one at home), get her some flowers, and at some point during the meal bring up what her parents think of her life in this country. See what she says. The revelations she makes to you may surprise you. Plus, if you wife is very young this could just be natural immaturity at work. After she explains to you what her parents think, then you casually ask "And what do YOU think?" See how she feels about things and approach all iffy issues gently. You'll get a lot less resistance bearing roses than being openly frustrated.

Kindness gets you everywhere.

Answer 4

When you are apart for such a long time, you sometimes develop coping strategies to assit you and people change. Most of the time when people are in a good relationship they change and grow together, however being apart for some time may mean that you have both changed and grown apart. This then makes it extremely hard for you to go back to what once was.
People are who we let them be. They treat us the way we let them. I would say the biggest question here is why has your wife lost motivation to succeed? Sometimes the more people try to help you the more you rebel against them.
I would suggest that you plan a meeting with your wife - set out exactly what the committments both of you share are and what is required to meet those committments. Do not blame or name call or instruct. Ask her what she thinks you both can do to improve the situation.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

no your not over reacting,why should you put all the effort in ,but i must say all this working does not leave you any time to spend together,talk to her tell her about the dept and try to save the marriage or you will have to face the fact that she is bored and move on with your life,you sound as if you need some fun,all work and no play makes for a miserable time

Answer 7

No, you are not over reacting, but are you sure that you are motivating her and not pressuring her? You had to know she was spoiled when you married her. These kinds of women take time to adjust to real life issues and responsibility. You should just tell her that you need her to do her part. If she refuses, you may want to rethink your whole relationship.

Answer 8

She's being unreasonable. Tell her to quit acting like a princess and take on part of the responsibilities; marriage is sharing.

Answer 9

It is hard to tell by what you have described. Ask her directly. Try to find out if she misses her country too much and wants to return. That could be the reason that she is not motivated to work hard, because she feels homesick.

Answer 10

she needs to grow up, realize that she has started a life with you and that being in a relationship is a 2 way thing, not one. You are NOT her parents...you are her husband...she is being lazy and immature! tell her to shape up or ship out