Help (real answers please) on the importance of physical attraction!?

Question

I have kind of an odd but serious question... I know this may sound a bit egotistical but theres no other way I can ask it.. so,Im 23 and Ive had 4 serious boyfriends and dated around as well, and all my life, people always tell me that I could 'do better' than my bfs, esp. in In terms of looks. Now I know this shouldn’t get to me, but really it kind of does after a while Its true that Ive never dated a generically all-over ‘hot guy’, every bf ive had hasn’t been unattractive, but always less attractive then me.According to other people, Im “gorgeous” so people always ask why Im not with someone more attractive, and its not that I don’t want to be, but I havnt come across one that interested me and these guys were obviously attractive enough (in my eyes at least) to initially get my attention and I felt there personalities were awesome and that outweighed their looks to me, although I often have found myself noticing ther less-than-attractiveness if they don’t wear their hair right or

wear the right clothes etc. For ex, my curent bf is much shortr than I usualy date, &can look stocky &even shorter when he wears certain things & his hair a certain way etc. & Im not turned on by him when he looks like that.But he has great featurs & can look very good when he wears the rite cloths that flater him etc.will I ever get past this & think hes atractive unconditionaly no mater the situation?Now my current bf & I are geting more serius & its got me thinking, wil I ever overlook his ‘flaws?’ Its starting to bother me that every1 thinks Im more atractiv & I think, Maybe I SHOULD be w/ someon on the same level of atractivenes?After al wats the point of me being so atractive if im just going to setle down w/ a guy w/ so-so looks who Im not 100% atracted to all the time? If we got maried will I always be bothered by this & when pple make those comments for for the rest of my life?I start thnking that if I setle down w/ someone whos undeniablyatractive then Ill never get tired of

(cont'd) I’ll always be turned on by him and will think he looks great all the time and in anything he wears, which isn’t the case with my current and past bfs. I really, really don’t want a divorce and I wonder is this something that could blow up later down the road if I try to suppress it now? Anyone who has experience or in a similar situation: Will these thoughts ever go away, or will it continue to bother me and worsen later down the road if we get married, and will I never be able to look at him and feel I truly made the best choice in husband among ALL the other men out there? Pls help, I love him but this bothers me! SHOULD it bother me?Am I wrong in thinking this?Advice please!

Answer 1

Wow, maybe you should respect your boyfriend a little more and love him for his good qualities. Sound like you are very shallow. Maybe people are joking with you when they say that you are too attractive for the guys you date.

Answer 2

Well one thing is this the guys that look nice always seem to turn out like jerks and player sis that what you want someone to hurt you stop thinking about looks if it bothers you so much then look for the hot guy and don't look at the least attrative guys looks are not everything in this world if you care about someone and they treat you with respect then that is all you need someone like that why are you thinking about what people say it is not there buisness who cares what they say what is inside is what lasts forever but you time passes and the gougese body will go away but you will still have that man you cares loves a respects you think about it that way.

Answer 3

Its not very often that you see two strikingly handsome people together. Usually thats because the cute guy has a gaggle of girls after him so he doesnt have to try hard for the really pretty girl. Same goes for the attractive girl-she has a bunch of guys chasing so while she may look at that cute guy, she's not going to approach HIM. Overall, I think you are putting too much weight in appearances. Is he cute enough is not the point. If his personality is such that it supercedes how his hair looks then hair doesnt matter. I want to throw something out there that you probably have never heard. The most important quality of a man is does he love the Lord. If he loves the Lord, then he will be able to truly love YOU. If he doesnt, then the relationship will inevitably be about him..and his selfishness will drive you crazy.

My hubby is drop dead gorgeous and if he hadnt come onto me, I'd have never talked to him. I dont chase...never had to. But beautiful people have their issues too....arogance, pride, insecurity, unfair expectations....if you find a person who is a good guy (and loves the Lord) dont sweat the exterior.

Answer 4

I would say that looks matter as a general indication of health, and self respect. A person well groomed, and in decent shape would be much more attractive than a general sweat hog. Just remember that looks, even on the hottest swimsuit models, will fade with enough time. Whats inside a person, personality, outlook on life, etc. becomes much more important.

Answer 5

Well, I don't know about egocentric but MAN... do you sound shallow. Why the hell do you care what other people say about who you are dating? Isn't whether YOU like them the most important. And it does sound pretty egocentric to say they were attractive but less attractive than you yourself. And to say you are not turned on by your guy if he wears his hair wrong?? Why are you even with him? If all you go for is looks, you will end up unhappy. It takes more (much, much, MUCH more) to make a good partner than wearing your hair right. You say their personalities outweighed their looks, but obviously not because you seem very concerned about it. If that was really true, the looks thing wouldn't even occur to you. And why are you asking this question in the marriage category?
And by the way, most very attractive people are assholes. I am never attracted to the "cutest" guy. I don't need the ego involved with that. That to me is UNattractive. Who I find desirable is never who the general consensus agrees on.

Answer 6

Honey, you don't even need to be THINKING about marriage with your current bf if you are talking like this. There is nothing wrong with your choices in past boyfriends. You shouldn't let what other people say affect you so much. You should be strong enough within yourself to stand on your own opinion. Attraction is certainly a large part of what initially catches a woman's attention and then you get to know each other and it develops into something more. I don't think a relationship can last if there isn't mutual attraction 100%. You should choose a boyfriend based on your heart.

Answer 7

It sounds like you should go and discuss this with a counselor. You should date people you are attracted to based on the whole package, not necessarily people who are generically hot or good looking. So if you're attracted to this guy, then stick wtih him but go to a counselor to work out your feelings. It's very important that you accept your partner for who he is though so if you're thinking of trying to change him to be more generically good looking, realize that this isn't fair of you and work on that. Remember - you may not always be as good looking as you are now. Do you want then to be ditched by a hot guy who can do better or be with someone in a relationship that is based on more than looks?

Answer 8

Beauty is truely only skin deep. You wont be beautiful forever, someday you will be wrinkled and gray and no one will ever look at you. Some of my girlfriends have been shallow like this, with " oh he's just not that hot..I'm sure I'll find hotter". Let me tell you something about HOT guys, they are used to getting whatever woman they want and they are prone to affair having and being jerks. I dated one once, and never got treated worse by anyone in my life. A man can be good looking with out being a movie star, and be a great mate. Seriously, don't think you are all that and a bag of chips, I'm sure you have flaws TOO.

Answer 9

I have the exact same problem. People always tell me that I could do way better. Most of the men I have been involved with are not exactly handsome. I too overlook their looks most of the time in favor of who they are on the inside. I really do believe that there are very attractive people (male and female) that have great hearts. I am one of the them [people tell me so......people always compliment my looks and they tell me I am very nice......I AM sweet although I AM NOT stupid]. Anyways, very attractive men with great hearts do exist. They just are too far in between. Like you, I sometimes see them in a certain light that I notice their flaws. The way to not experience this is to have profound sentiments for someone. I am talking about feelings of respect and admiration. These feelings are very hard to feel for someone because they have to actually earn to evoke these feelings in other people. When you genuinely feel respect and admiration you will be so blinded by love that you will not be able to see straight. It is then the average joe just radiates beauty right before your eyes. I know because I have experienced this with one man. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

I only read part of the question, as that's a windy *** woman type question. Here it goes, I'm not very good looking, I have found that very attractive women are bitches. I'm sure it works the same for very good looking men, I'd bet alot of them are assholes. I have always felt that looks won't make it trough the tough times. Be with someone you like, who cares what they look like, find their inner beauty. You will only tolerate a person on their worst day. Which means when a person is good then everything is good in the relationship. But when he/she acts like an ***/***** then you find out what you will tolerate. That will be the single most defining moment in your relationship, no matter what they look like. Good Luck

Answer 11

Sound so to me you look at the person they are and not what they look like physically and that is a quality that not a lot of people have.

I have a cousin who is absolutely beautiful. When she was in middle school, this boy used to be in love with her but he was afraid to ask her out because of his size. He is a big boy but a total sweet heart. Eventually he got the courage to ask her and she said yes. They dated and got married and they are the sweetest couple.