my mum had me at 17 and now i'm preg at 18?

Question

im preg and 18(too young i know wasnt planned)
my mum had lots of support at my age, but she has turned her back on me and i dont know what to do. i dont understand i thought she would know how it feels and be there for me yet she wants me too get an abortion. i had a scare as the hosp thought it could be a ectopic pregnancy , this was a scary time and my mum chose too go and play darts up the pub than to come and visit me in hosp. i was upset that she found that more important as she knew that i could go into theatre at any point. also on my 18 (before i knew i was pregnant) my mum did not even phone me/ get me a card/ not even a present and she doesnt realise why im upset!!!! my 18th was the worse ever day for me, my mum didnt care. when the baby is born i dont wont my mum having anything to do with my child as i dont want her too hurt her in the way she did me. i hate her and dont understand why she treats me this way. if she doesnt make up for it i feel i will never forgive her

I WANTED HELPFUL ANSWERS!!! NOT HORRIBLE COMMENTS!!! I DONT AGREE WITH ABORTION AND WAS ON THE PILL!! SO DONT JUDGE!! MY WORST NIGHTMARE WAS TO TURN OUT LIKE MY MUM!!! IT UPSETS ME THAT I HAVE!! ALSO I DONT THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES ROUND ME! THANK YOU

I LIVE WITH GRANDPARENTS AS I COULDNT GET ON WITH LIFE AS I WAS SO STRESSED BY HER, SHE ALWAYS PUT ME DOWN AND NOTHING I EVER DO IS GOOD ENOUGH!! IM NOT A TERRIBLE TEENAGER!! I HAVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED MY FAMILY FROM A YOUNG AGE I LOOKED AFTER MY BRO AND SISTERS FROM 10 YR OLD. I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED SINCE 8 AND NEVER REALLY HAD A CHILDHOOD!! I DONT WANT TO BE A YOUNG MUM BUT DONT AGREE WITH ABORTION!!

Answer 1

Firstly congratulations!!!
Your Mum obviously is just not ready to handle this. I can understand her not wanting for you to make the same 'mistakes' she did. But having been a young mother herself, she should IMO be more able to suppourt and help you and understand.
My Mum had me at 18 and I in turn had my 1st at 19. At first my Mum was disappointed as she did have hopes and dreams for me to do the things she wasnt able to. But she quickly got over that and was excited and suppourtive. All she said was "its your kid and I'm not gonna look after it".
She loves being a Nan and she loves being young enough to have the energy to be able to play and enjoy her grandchildren.

Sadly it sounds like your Mum wasnt prepared to be a mother if the parenting fell to you. Which means she isnt going to be supportive and understanding. I say move on. Let her do her thing and you do your thing.
Sounds like your grandparents will be loving and suppourtive, rely on friends and the father of the child(if he is still around).
All will work out well, just focus on the baby.
I wish you and your baby the best :)

Answer 2

Holding a grudge against her is going to hurt you much more than it will ever hurt her. You need to forgive your mother and try (with counseling if needed) to let go of those grudges against her. 18 is young to have a baby, but trust me it's not impossible and it's not the end of the world (its been done many times before even younger). Besides that, you need to get yourself a doctor, if you don't have insurance get some (go to the government if you need the help) and take care of yourself and focus on raising your child with all of the love and support that you wished your mom could or would have given you. I don't believe you should get an abortion, I think you should take care of your responsibilities and move on. Your life is not over..as a matter of fact it's just began. How far along are you? If you're only a couple of days or weeks there are other options besides abortion. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Just focus on you and your baby. I got pregnant at 18 also(unplanned) so I know how it is to become a mother at a young age. There is nothing you can do to change the way your mother feels or the way she treats you. I would give her a little time and she may come around for you and your baby. It just might be the initial shock of things for her. Try to stay positive and not focus on the negative things. Keep yourself healthy and good luck!

Answer 4

here's why your mom won't help you....she had you when she was 17 she's 35 and relatively still young...she wants to go out do stuff she wasn't able to b/c she was raising you. now you turn up prego...hmmmm she doesn't want to be stuck raising another child. you mother is a human being with wants and needs also. give her a break...she feels she did her job with you and now it's time for her to live..she's done living her life for you.

she's giving you some good advice....do you want to end up like her 35 and totally bitter and self centered b/c you weren't able to have fun during you 20's? trust me in 5 yrs you'll be regretting your decision. Think about it and do what's best ofr the child not yourself. having the kid, yes is the responsible thing to do, but what happens when you can't feed, clothe or give this child any sort of emotional support whatsoever b/c you're still growing up yourself. u will have NO help....if anything give the baby to a family that can properly provide for the child financially and emotionally. I did it when i was 19 and i don't regret it b/c i picked the family and made sure he was in a loving and caring home with a family that adored and appreciated him (the women couldn't have children due to a car accident she was paralyzed from the waste down) trust me it was the best i ever did for him and for myself. i would never have been able to give him the life he deserved...my mother at the time was also out the picture and my bf was a looser with no job and wanted me to get on wel-fare. think about it rationally. there's a lot of ppl out there that would love to have a baby that can't.

Answer 5

I am 16 and pregant with my boyfriend, and i get the "too young thing to" I know what u mean. I've had lots of trouble, because i have 3 older brothers(they were very pissed at my bf) and 4 step siblings, much youinger, (7, 7, 9, 14.) My step dad had lots of trouble with me too. I would not get an abortion, my neighbor who is 30, got pg at 17 and had one, when ever we talk about it she crtis and said no one can pay her enough to get another one. My bf and I have decided to actually keep the baby, because my mom is pregant (due any day) and I'm due in May. I was told that my bf and i will get support from my mom and stepdad, it's your choice.

Answer 6

My mother had me young too, and i became pregnant at the same age as her. She turned her back on me, so i decided to have the child anyway. My mother hasn't talked to me respectfully in years anyways.

Let me say, if you are going to have this child, you need to stop thinking about what your mom thinks and start thinking about what would be beneficial to you and the child. you don't need any extra stress. disconnect if you have to. You are an adult now, it may not feel like it, but being pregnant takes a lot of growing up. remember, she doesn't need to do anything for you to forgive her and be the better woman. but it's up to you. very best of luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like a troubled relationship, I'm so sorry you don't have the support you should. Although being prego at 18 was not the smartest thing to let happen your mother should not turn her back on you....with all due respect the lady does not sound like she is very responsible! I wish u the best of luck!

Answer 8

Wow! You are going through a really hard time. It might seem like your mom had lots of support, but maybe there was someone that she really cared about that didn't support her. Also, you should talk to your mom about how you feel. Maybe she messed up when she was your age and she was dissapointed in herself. She probably doesn't want the same thing to happen to you. Hope things work out with you and your mom!!

Answer 9

As my initial guess - you mother probably loved you enough to not want the same life for you that she had.

Coming to terms with having her daughter make the same mistake she did is probably really tough (MUCH tougher than 'Oh I didn't get a card on my birthday')

Try stepping into anothers shoes for a few minutes, and you'll see the entire world doesn't revolve around you. (and I mean no disrespect)

Answer 10

she could of know that you was prego because mom have that sense! im pretty sure that she didnt want you to behave the same way she did!! she knows how hard it is to be prego and you dont know it yet!! your also kinda on the young side because there is still school to go to!! not only that you have to have a way of paying for your baby!! they are not free!! i was looking at carseat strollers and they run like $200+ then you have to have the crib, playpen, toys, clothes, wash clothes, food, bottles, diapers, wipes, more toys, place for them to sleep, shoes, socks, undies, hair clips (ect), backpacks, playdates, things to clean up the bottles and cups and pates, and sooo many other thing!! when they get bigger money for this and that and school trips prom college and soo many other thing you have to ask your self if your ready for all that!! i have 1 kid and a husband let me tell you its still hard!! and im only 20 ish!!