He lied to me 8 months ago, about something at work (nothing to do with cheating or other women). He's been very apologetic and patient with me, and has tried to do anything & everything to earn my trust back. He's a good man, calls me 50 times a day from work, lets me check his email and cell phone - but I just can't stop obesessing over the chance of him lying to me again. I had a trust issue before this, but now it's just worse! I think EVERYTHING he says is a lie at this point, and I know that's not fair. How do I knock this off??
2007-11-06 07:31:13 · 20 answers · asked by Michelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This probably isn't the answer you want to here, but it's still the truth: You need to seek professional help. I'm not saying your crazy or anything like that. But you still could benefit from seeing a therapist. You have trust issues that are affecting your marriage. Sure he puts up with it now, but eventually he will become sick of it and lash out at you. He will grow to resent you if you do not learn to deal with your issues of trust. Go to a doctor for yourself and for the sake of your marriage.
2007-11-06 07:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Trust is a very precious, fragile thing. And once it's broken- or even chipped- it can never be fully repaired, IMO.
I agree with other answers and think you should go to therapy or counseling so you can deal with your issues.
Bottom line: Either you decide to trust him (and stop thinking about the past)...or you walk. But you will have to evaluate your feelings and see if you are the kind of person who can actually "forgive and forget". (Some people just can't, no matter how hard they try.)
You know him better so you should be able to make a positive/negative list. If the bad things outweigh the good ones, it's time to leave and start afresh.
Good luck.... I know it's hard.
2007-11-06 11:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to get inti couples therapy so you can put your trust issues in perspective. If you had that issue before, you need to confront this problem and stop making yourself miserable and to keep your marriage from failing . Trust is the number one issue in a marriage, that was to be there or just like what your doing will eventually alienate your husband, if he can not get your trust. He's jumping through hoops to make you less distrusting. But a person can only try so long before it is a hopeless situation. Counseling would help you both. you may trust him again and he can go back to a normal life with you.
2007-11-06 07:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by redd headd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem, except with mine it involves other women. Just let go if he seems sincere.
It's hard for me too, because I always remember that I trusted him fully before he lied, and he had to go break my trust. I have a hard time trusting because i dont wanna be made a fool again. But if he's really trying, then move on and let go. I'm still working on it but good luck!
2007-11-06 08:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who or what CAN you trust? Honestly answer that question - anyone? Under ANY circumstances? Probably not. That stems from being a control freak which stems from fear. Deal with those issues. We can't even scratch the surface of those here.
Apply the same standards of how to be treated to yourself. Would you want him peering over your shoulder all day? How do you want to be treated? Then treat him that same way. It's that or nothing.
Or, keep checking and riding and worrying - you'll drive him away in no time.
2007-11-06 07:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by filthy_crumb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either you let go and surrender your trust in him once again, or you don't. There's no gray area. You either do or don't, and if it's the latter, leave now, for a house built on cards cannot stand. So trust, or no trust-tis the question.
2007-11-06 08:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by dominia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, you should have worked out your issues before marrying this good man. It doesn't sound like he lied about anything even remotely important.
To be more honest, in order to get over this fear you just need to get over yourself. I know it sounds mean but just stop. You need to say to yourself that you are going to trust him, and really try to calm yourself down. Stop going through his stuff because it only makes you more used to have access to every single thing in his life, which only feeds your fear more. Just stop!
2007-11-06 08:06:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have trust because that is what makes a relationship strong and last a life-time. With out trust there is no future.
2007-11-06 07:42:34 · answer #8 · answered by abreu2468 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To regain trust, it takes a very long time. All you can really go by is how he is now; not how he was once. In time, you will learn to trust him again as he proves to you that you can.
2007-11-06 09:30:40 · answer #9 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just believe all he says until u find a proof not to believe wether it's something u heard or saw with ur own eyes
DONT look for proofs .. If he's lying you'll find out with time
Let it go
2007-11-06 07:49:44 · answer #10 · answered by Maria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋