divorce?i dont know what to do?

Question

i dont really know how to deal with it. im scared.

my parents are getting divorced, not me.

Answer 1

You'll be fine! Everything will work out and the judge will be a nice man.

Answer 2

A change this big is always scary. I know when my ex and I separated, I couldn't eat, sleep, think.....I was a mess. This is normal. I was in dire financial straights and I had a 5 year old daughter, because we had a business together for 11 years and I just walked away from it all i lost my income also. I found a job, I had no where to live, I had $10 when I left. I stayed with a friend for two weeks. I borrowed enough money from my new boss for a deposit and first months rent, plus deposit on phone and electricity. I paid him back over time. I learned a new career and made new friends. I felt like I was never going to get used to my new life. I did...I took baby steps and finally I was able to run again. I have remarried now and that nightmare part of my life I look back on with fondness now....it truly was an adventure, I showed myself that I possessed the strength to get through anything. I am sooooo happy now and grateful for what I have. I wish you luck, know that what you are feeling is normal and that if you try just a little, you will be fine. You are on the path to your new life and it can be anything that you want it to be.

Answer 3

I can completely understand your fears...You don't say how long you've been married, whether there are children involved, whether you're a working mother or stay home...whether one of you has done something to truly harm the relationship.

-And perhaps more significant to this latest development in your life, you don't share whether you've sought counseling as a couple...so I can only presume the marriage is not a salvageble one.

All this said, you probably need some legal advice as to your rights (depending what state you live in...) There should be a legal aid society around your town or within a couple of hours drive that you should access, if you can't get answers via phone or internet.

You need a good friend or family member whose been through it to give you some guidance, and, that of a completely objective party. Sometimes it takes BOTH for you to find your own common ground in making forthcoming decisions.

To me, divorce would be like a death...a real loss. I would want someone to talk to, every step of the way, and hope to God (or whomever you choose to believe in...) that a little closer belief in your faith system will also help to sustain you through this time.

There are some who are happy about divorce - and look at it differently than me, and they may very well be right for their situation.

As I don't know your's it would be difficult to surmise so I won't.
-But I can't help feel sorry for you, so I hope and pray you'll find your way and the strength you need to get through this in your life. I truly do...

Sincerely,

Grace

Answer 4

There are actually books written on how to deal with divorce...check Amazon, a local library or any other source you have. An important tool in dealing with this , yes, scarey event in life is to have a good support system. These are people who do not judge you but accept your decision and help you through the hard times. Much of the pain of divorce you will have to feel for yourself...cant get around it....just let yourself grieve, take care of your own needs...eat well, get rest and exercise. Above all, ask God in your prayer to direct your thoughts, attitudes, feelings and actions as you go through this event. Your prayers will be answered.

Answer 5

I have been there and it is frightening. First thing is don't let him know you are scared. Second get a lawyer. Amongst all of this lean on your family and friends, I know some won't agree with with this but pray about your problems. Even if you don't attend church I promise a higher power is listening. Prayer soothes the soul and helps the spirit. You just might stop being so afraid if you can give it over to God. I'm not a religious nut, just someone who has been there done that in her life. My husband was a terror and I got through it and so will you.
If you want to email me feel free, I'd be glad to talk to you.

Answer 6

Just deal with it. If you need to get divorced then that is what you have to do, everything in life isn't easy but sometimes it needs to be done. If you've decided on divorce obviously it was for a reason so just stick to your guns and focus on what you are hoping to accomplish in the future and how you can improve life after the divorce.

Answer 7

Do's & Don'ts of Divorce

DON'T lie to your children with stories like "Dad is visiting relatives". Children know if you are trying to hide something, even if the purpose is honorable.

DO talk to your children. Give them simple and straight-forward answers without vilifying or
blaming the other parent.

DON'T put your children in the middle. That means don't ask them where they want to live or who they want to live with.

DO explain to your children that the divorce is not their fault. This message is best given by both parents together. Children naturally assume they are responsible for the divorce.

DON'T use children to relay messages to the other spouse, even messages related to visitation. Children need two parents even if the parents don't see eye to eye or have different philosophies of child rearing. Placing children in the middle tears those relationships causing children to withdraw or become depressed.

DO seek counseling for your children if they are having a difficult time adjusting. Counseling is most effective when both parents are supportive and individually involved.

DON'T interrogate your children when they return from visitation with the other parent. Questions like "what did he feed you" or "who is mommy seeing" pressures children to take sides. This pressure may result in depression, anger, falling grades, and disobedience.

DO listen to your children as they express concerns over the divorce.

DON'T make visitation or custody arrangements directly with the children without first consulting the other parent. If there are conflicting plans, this places the other parent in the role of the "bad guy", having to say "no" to a child's expectations.

DO be flexible in your parenting schedule. Schedules serve a purpose, but when they are used as rigid structures to control access time with children, they serve as a flash point for conflict. When that happens, children blame themselves for the parental dispute

Answer 8

Look no one will make you do anything you do not want to do and you should not take any-ones ed vice I can tell me my honest opinion first this is the number 1 res one why I do not believe in marriage many folks think that once it gets hard you should get a divorce what ever happened to in sickness and in health in richer or poor in BAD AND good once the good ends everyone wants out no that is not what marriage is about. and if you think that way well no one can change your mind.

Answer 9

Having practiced Family Law, I suggest you at very minimum speak to a divorce attorney simply for no other reason to get information. Alot, of them will do initial consultations for free.

Go talk to someone get some more info about the laws in your state, so at least you'll be able to make an informed decision if you and your spouse decide to go through with it

Answer 10

Divorce is scary, it is a chapter in your life you hope to never open but will eventually close.

Talk to a counselor, check out womansdivorce.com, and build your support network. You will get through it. Good luck

Answer 11

Its very scary! I've done it twice, but so is any other major life change, such as pregnancy or marriage or death. Its just become a part of our lives...and divorce isn't necessarily a bad thing. Mine were, especially my second, cause for celebration!