What exactly are the boundaries? How long is too long to talk on the phone with someone of the opposite sex if you are in a committed relationship? Is three hours everyday too much? what about five? Where is the line drawn?
2007-11-06 06:21:22 · 23 answers · asked by genniangel0 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh...I'm not the one talking on the phone talking to her....he is. I just want to make sure that I'm not over reacting like he thinks that I am.
2007-11-06 06:30:12 · update #1
It isn't the amount of time you spend on the phone. There isn't a simple formula. It becomes an emotional affair if you find that you'd rather talk to your friend than to your partner. If you share deep, emotional secrets with your friend and you don't have intimate conversations with your partner. Ask yourself, if I'm having a crisis, who would I call first. If the answer is your friend, not your partner, you're in an emotional affair and you need to distance yourself. Friendships with the opposite sex are tricky. They're best left at a superficial level.
2007-11-06 06:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would say a definite yes to an affair and I wouldn't say it's just an emotional affair. I'd almost bet there is more to it than that. However, what is making him act this way with a 19 year old. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. Is he going through a midlife crisis, is his wife doing her part? Maybe she needs to spice things up a bit. Obviously other employees aren't complaining loud enough. Why a divorce??? unfortunately affairs happen all the time, find the problem and try to fix it.
2016-05-28 03:40:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to be hard for me to answer this for you. I am also going through the same thing. My husband has a friend that he talked to that was a female. At first, I was insanely jealous, because this girl became his "best friend" in 2 weeks. I think this happened at a bad time in our life (we were fighting and having money problems. I think that he felt attached to her because of all the problems that we were having. Although, unlike your S/O, my husband didn't talk to her on the phone (and if he did, it was about work related issues), I just felt threatened by her BIG TIME. Now that H and I are fighting anymore, I see him backing away from her. I know that he never cheated on me, I think he needed some comfort....
But anyway, this is about you. To me this sounds like an Emotional Affair (not because I am basing it on my sitation). When your S/O is spending so much time talking on the phone with this female, instead of spending time with you, that is where I cross the line.
Have you ever talked to him about this? Don't judge too harsly, especially if nothing is going on. Men are dense sometimes. He might be talking to this female without having "feelings" for her. But def talk to him. Do you know this lady? How did it get to the point that they have been talking on the phone so long?
Good luck. Don't do like me, don't jump the gun. It COULD be something completely innocent, if not, try to stop it before it gets too late.
2007-11-06 06:39:45 · answer #3 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call talking to a person/friend of the opposite sex that long (3-5 hours) is a bit excessive. However, the boundries that cross into an emotional affair (in my opinion) would be:
1. Feeling you had to run to that friend instead of your spouse
2. Thinking about them in a manner other than friendship.
3. Developing feelings for that person.
4. Hiding things from your spouse (conversations, get togethers, etc).
5. Excluding your spouse
You can pretty much determine where to draw the line. If you think you're starting to have feelings for this friend - more than likely, an emotional affair has already started.
2007-11-06 06:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am married and I have a guy friend that I talk to almost everyday or so! We can talk for hours but its not an emotional affair. My husband knows we talk and he doesn't have a problem with it because he knows he can trust me. I only see it as being an emotional affair if the conversations are intimate in some way!
2007-11-06 06:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by Mellycat123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time is not not the problem, but maybe the things you talk about for 3-5 hours? What are both of your intentions in this "friendship" and if you have to ask these questions to us and not to your "committed partner", more then likely you know what you are doing is wrong.
2007-11-06 06:32:37 · answer #6 · answered by Manny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that once you are in a committed relaionship all of the emotional talks on the phone or in person with people of the opposite sex should stop, yes u can remain friends but thats it friends no going out for drink alone....etc...otherwise whats the point of being commited if your life is the same as it was when you are single?
2007-11-06 06:29:29 · answer #7 · answered by ap262000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's talking on the phone to another woman everyday, that sounds like a problem. A lengthy conversation every once in a while may be appropriate. But there shoudl be no need for her to consume so much of his time on a regular basis. She needs to find a single man or a girl friend for that.
2007-11-06 06:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Could your spouse or your friend's spouse listen in on the conversation? If they could, then, the time line is the factor. If you would be uncomfie with the spouses listening in, then definitely, that's your answer, too emotionally attached and could be deemed an emotional affair. Those are HUGE traps that you need to stay away from, cause you'll cross the line way before you intended to!
2007-11-06 06:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
in the past i have posted many times on best friend who is male. he is a major part of my life...husbands/wives/bf/gf, unfortunately come and go nowadays, but your best friend, whether male or female is ALWAYS there.
emotionally attached. hell yeah. i dont even want to consider going through life without the one person you can tell all too, the one person who knows your secrets, good and bad and who is there for you no matter what. the one person who is part of the family, but not by blood. someone you love with all your heart, like your mom/dad/sisters or brother.
i have been in a serious relationship for years, and he knows my best friend, they speak and get along well. i am lucky for that part.
my best friend and i ..talk daily, sometimes up to 5 times a day, sometimes..not for a couple of days. depends on whats going on in our lives. sometimes for 5 min...sometimes for several hours, usually when he or i cant sleep while the rest of the world is snoring. my babe does NOT feel threatened or upset in anyway about it...he knows if there is a particularly long conversation going on it means my best friend is having a hard time. my babe will ask me ...what is wrong etc and i tell him and hes even offers advice. again ...i am lucky in this part.
however ...our conversations have never come to an "intimate" level. we dont discuss anything of a sexual nature, cept an occasional joke. we are best friends who love each other dearly, who have been through really good times and bad. we have helped each other out with support from breakups, family illness ect.
from experience i can say, that my babe has never feel threatened or insecure about my best friend, why, because he is included in everything that we do, they got to know each other as men do. there is nothing hidden.
having a best friend of the opposite sex is easy and wonderful...however some cant do that, because they cant tell the difference between loving your best friend and being inlove. if one begins to exclude your mate from outings and conversations, that WILL cause a problem. issues are based on an individual basis. i love my babe, i would never consider losing what i have, therefore that makes me strong enough to NOT want to mess it up.
hope this helps.
hugz
2007-11-06 07:18:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋