Realtionship breakdown - it aint easy?

Question

Split up after living together for 2 years anbd being with each other for 4 years. Been split now for 4 months but there isn't a day goes by where i get up with a sad heart and a mega depressed feeling..........how long does this bleeding hurt last for? I left my wife years back and knew it was the right thing but i can't remember this hurt as i knew the marriage was over for a while. My ex now is still a real good friend and we both agreed that we were finding it difficult to live together but although i think it was right - why am i still dead inside?? Maybe because i still see her regularly.
Thanks for any answers to a newbie!!

Answer 1

It lasts a long time. It just gets desensitized as you go out and rebuild your life.

That is what you must do. At some point the anger, rejection and futility will reside enough for you to realize you can live again and get something better for your life.

I'm with you. I was married for six years, lived with her two more, have three kids with the youngest five, and I could never live with this woman again.

Answer 2

I thnk you still want to be with her. Was there no way to salvage the relationship? You could always try dating again and look for the things you once adored about each other. Over time we can allow negative thoughts to muddy the clear water of our love. Turn on your filters. It will be hard at first to stop all the negative thoughts - but if you can focus on the positive ways to regard each other and stop allowing yourselves to become critical and judgmental towards each other - it can work. I think if you can live apart and recapture the romance, you might, in time be ready for a real commitment again. Women are looking for commitment, or at least the offer at some point. In all the years you were together, did you ask for her hand? No woman who loves a man likes to think he does not care for her at least as much as he cared for the woman he left, now does she? That is a woman's view for you. You do not have to "move on" unless she is really over you. You can try counseling or proposing - but I think asking her out regularly for a nice time together - maybe just a show or dinner or to a lecture on a topic that interests her or both of you - if she does not mind you courting her all over again, she still has feelings for you, too,

Answer 3

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/yxS7o

Answer 4

I've been there, and actually am in the same state as you right now. You need to stop seeing her for a while to get over the pain.

You can still be friends, but for the time being you need to "bite the bulet" and cut contact, at least until the heartbreak is over. Later on you will probably be able to be friends without being bummed out like this.

Remember also that it's always easier for the one who initiated the separation to move past it. Not sure if it applies to your case though.

Answer 5

As a guy who went through a nasty divorce years ago, I can sympathize with your feelings. No, it isn't easy. You lived together for 2 years and kind of ingrained yourselves on each other. You will go through every kind of emotion imaginable. What you need to do is find ways to distract yourself. Get out and move around, do things with other friends as much as you kind. Try to meet new friends. That helps you to get yourself on track for a new life and a new start. That will help the pain subside so that you can finally heal up the rest of the way. It's one thing to know the relationship is over, but something else entirely to actually separate. I know it doesn't help to know this, but your feelings are normal for the circumstances. Hang in there, you'll be alright.

Answer 6

My rule of thumb is if you are still hurting in 6 months get some help and the bottom line to psychology is...when you finally get tired of the situation, you will do something about it.

A local woman once said that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else.

There is a void in you right now that in time will be filled....if you let it.

Something better is waiting for you.

How about this....flirt with a woman today. Good luck and it will get easier.

Answer 7

I think you need to spend some time away from her. As hard as it seems, your heart needs to mend before spending time with her again. It's kind of a odd thought, but it makes sense in the long run. It's like, you haven't truely let go of her because you still see her regularly. Once you let her go, let her go for a month or two. After that, start maybe talking again. But as for now, you need to stop seeing her, so that you can take the time to figure things out, and "get over her!" Sorry to sound so harsh, but it will work out! =)

Answer 8

Love, more than time, heals all wounds. Love yourself enough to let this go for a while. Grieve the grief you feel and know that you are on the right path.....healing does take time. I would suggest you get involved in activities you enjoy....go walking or running or biking or to the movies..whatever makes you feel good. Exercise is a great way to combat depression, as is a healthy diet. You may need to make a conscious effort to be good to yourself. You deserve it.

Answer 9

Hi there. I am no expert on relationships, but it sounds to me you need to stop seeing her for a while. Go out with your friends and have some fun. Find a hobby or pick up one you put down. I have been in yours shoes before and the hobby worked for me. It also helped tremendously to stop seeing the person I left for a while. It made us both appreciate what we had and what we needed to work on. We are now married.

Answer 10

6 years is an prolonged time to be with somebody - DO you think of and experience that for the period of time you may discover ways to believe back. cheating is an undesirable subject to be on the receiving end of...do you realize why he cheated. there is an threat it ought to ensue back if there are nonetheless spectacular subject concerns on your relationship - how approximately having a while residing aside - yet proceed to work out eachother - that way you style of start up relationship eachother back and it stops you the two being stale - substitute right into a sparkling you - get your hair cut back have a private revamp and get your self observed, an complication-free wolf whistle can perk your self assurance in your self up while strolling down the line!! additionally via having this day out from residing with eachother, as much because it may injury, you additionally can evaluate the form you experience approximately him and the area. sturdy success Hunny i desire you discover whats best for you ......: )