My fiance is wonderful. I am very happy. But she has a few flaws that concern me (ok ok... drive me mad on occasion). not only is she aware she has them but she wants to fix them because they bother her too. However, she gets really mad at me when I try to help her. I make sure that I don't sound like I am attacking her. And I always assure her that I love her no matter what. But when I try to help, she gets upset.
For example, she spends too much. She has alot of debt. I've made my career in finance. But when I try to help, she gets all upset. She's selfish at times, so she tells me to just tell her calmly when she gets like that, so I do and she gets mad. She runs late alot so I try to get her up and going when we have place to be and she gets mad and says I am rushing her. If you can't help anyone until they want to help themselves, is she fooling herself by saying she wants to fix these things? Will I ever get passed these issues? Should I give her tough love?
2007-11-06 04:47:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She does tell me everytime she gets upset about being broke, or is late, or etc that I need to help her.
2007-11-06 04:59:50 · update #1
I am worried for your fiance. I feel that you may not be aware of how critical you come across. She does need to see these issues as problems and if she has the desire to fix them, then she needs to work that out. Maybe if you back off a bit, she might even come to you for help, particularly with your expertise in finance. I think that if your differences in attitude towards financial responsibility are not resolved, this could haunt you all your married life. I think you need to be clear in your own mind about what you can accept and what you can't. Be as tolerant as you can manage, but if there are issues that seem that big to you, then maybe you need to think in practical terms about whether this marriage is really a good idea - is it destined to succeed? If she is in love with you, then it's probably very hard for her to take correction from you because, however well-intentioned, it feels like an attack. She just wants you to love her. She would be better to seek help from someone else with these issues IF she wants to. And if she doesn't want to or doesn't seem able to, then you need to take care of your own interests too.
2007-11-06 05:00:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Another flaw! She wants to change her bad habits, but she can't handle the "criticism". I know you are just trying to help, but maybe you should accept some things can't be changed and love her anyway.
(but I might suggest you handle the finances and give her an allowance to keep her from taking the both of you to the poor house)
2007-11-06 12:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she wants your help, but it's hard to change yourself, and when someone else imposes changes on you, it's easy to lash out at them.
You guys could work on code words/phrases, which work really well for me and my man. After a discussion, we agree on a term/word/phrase that will help us refer back to the discussion, so that we know we previously agreed upon it.
For example, if he needs his space and I'm not getting the hint, he just says "I need space" and because we associated that w/ an entire long drawn out discussion, I now know that I should just back off and leave him alone.
Other phrases we have are "same team" and "I need a hug".
2007-11-06 12:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it would be nice cause I have honestly asked my wife for help loosing weight.we own two adult family homes, she is an licensed practical nurse, she takes care of 11 elderly people. I am also full time with business helping her. BUT she has nothing left for me as a wife when I need her. I was there for her when she had our son for the six weeks she needed to recover.
2007-11-06 12:54:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she sounds spoiled. she never had to take responsibility for time or money. you are in for a real treat my friend. my husband is the same way and he hasn't changed no matter what i do. heres a hint. if you need to be someplace lie and tell them it is 30 minutes earlier than the real time. and don't give her the checkbook. give her cash. an allowance. otherwise you will be looking at bankruptcy in your future.
2007-11-06 12:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by justmyopinion 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this way, Loverboy...
If your wife or girlfriend is fat and said she wanted to lose weight, you better never say "Honey, don't you think you've had enough?" when she's reaching for seconds.
Let her figure it out. Yes, you're trying to be helpful, but it obviously isn't something she wants, at least not at this time.
2007-11-06 13:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by Mike T 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Did your fiance ASK for your help?
2007-11-06 12:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by hexeliebe 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no not at all, as long as you do it out of love
2007-11-06 12:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋