Is it ok that my husband has not included me in the family trust?

Question

I married a widower (I'm 36 & he's 43) 2 yrs ago. He has 2 kids (ages 7 & 11) from his previous marriage. I have bonded with the kids and take care of our family (housework, cooking, etc... ) and work F/T. We have a great relationship but I am bothered that my he has all assets in the family trust (separate savings, house, retirement, investments, etc...) and I have not been included. The only thing we have invested together is is a joint checking that both our paychecks go in and out of for bills, plus a joint savings for which I am the only contributor. Whenever he gets extra money he puts it in the trust account. Is this okay? It just makes me feel that he doesn't consider me a true member of the family. I've tried to bring it up (feel awkward when I do) but he says it would not matter I'm not in the trust because we are married. Am I wrong to feel he should be contributing to our joing savings or at least include me in the family trust?

Extra money such as work bonuses, selling a household item (furniture) or car, etc...

Answer 1

I think you are looking at this the wrong way, personally I think it has nothing to do with you its about the kids, he is thinking along the lines for them. If he dies, he wants to make sure they are taken care of. Their mother died and he is all they have left.

Answer 2

A family trust such as this is a very good idea for older people contemplating or actually married. it protects the assets accummulated before the marriage which are then distributed to the children and other members.

You are having emotions about a very sound fiscal decision.

There ARE problems however. You stated "Whenever he gets extra money. he puts it in the trust account".

I would have to know from what source that 'extra' money is derived before I can advise further.

EDITED BASED ON ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

The furniture, if not purchased during the marriage, is separate property and not converted during the marriage. Therefore, he has every right to place the monies received into the trust.

The same is true for anything purchased before your marriage. It is and remains separate property and can easily revert to the trust without converting.

The salary bonus is another matter. If the bonus was paid based on performance DURING the marriage, he has converted the marital asset and, in depositing it into the trust, could very well have converted the trust into a marital asset.

This entire situation requies a review by a competent Estate Attorney who can review all records and documents of the trust.

Suffice it to say that unless you want to divorce over the issue, I would advise discussing your feelings with him and separating out marital versus separate property with ONLY those separate items going into the trust.

You might suggest attending an estate planning seminar with him so that the information he needs comes from someone other than you.

Answer 3

Generally a trust only allows the people who are named on it to receive funds from it once the primary is gone...so I would sit down and make him talk to you and figure something out.

I would imagine that the trust has quite a bit of money in it from a life insurance policy or something....I would suggest to him that you two start saving together as a couple and let the trust ride...or that he contribute to the joint savings account as well. I understand that he may not want you on the trust, considering the kids and all, but that does not mean that you two shuoldn't have something together as a couple.

Get on your state webpage and look up laws on trusts, etc. to see exactly how they pay down when the primary dies...you may be stuck with nothing if he dies.

Answer 4

Someday you both will retire, presumeably together.. Perhaps he does not see it that way? Make sure that you find a way to get life insurance on both of you so that the bills get paid in the awful event that something happens to either of you. And make sure some of the money you save goes into a trust account for YOU to invest in the future should things not go as planned in your heart.

Answer 5

He has done that to protect the assets him and his late wife have worked for. You can not blame him for protecting something he's build on his own for the last 20 years. What you should have is a separate agreement for yourself in case of his death or divorce.

The part where he puts his current extra money into the trust is not morally acceptable. If I were you I would discretely seek legal advice on where you stand if he dies.

Does he have a will? Are you mentioned as a beneficiary in the Trust? You don't really need to have your name on the Trust as long as you are named as one of the beneficiary.

Answer 6

Really that is hurting considering that you're a family member now and the point thatt you have close bonding with his children in the previous marriage and had been acting their mother eversince. But if you trust your husband of his actions regarding the matter, maybe you'll understand why. Maybe he's just afraid of his children's welfare in case something happens to him. Maybe he's is a person that needs more time for to trust another person for his children. God knows what's in his mind. the thing is, you can make a bargain with him and tell him that if you beget a child with him, which probably will be in the near future, then he can put for you and his son another trust fund. In the savings account, he should be putting for you too, in case something happens to him, you will also be taken care off; at least. He just have to be open and frankly speaking you can let him do it. It just needs more time.

Answer 7

You are not wrong. However you guys are still relatively recently married and he may have a few issues where he doesn't feel comfortable adding you into the money yet. Remember, they would be HIS issues. Not all states have the laws written where if your the wife you automatically get 1/2, and even the ones that do, if you're not written into any of the contracts you only get S.S. , but no trust fund. So, stop contributing to your joint savings, he isn't even meeting you halfway and start your own private, separate, single savings account. If you tried talking and nothing worked, stop waiting for him to do things for you and do things for yourself.

Answer 8

I can not speak to your husbands motive but I can suggest that you have your own financial reserves,whatever that looks like for you..savings, trusts, 401K, WHATEVER. He is not responsible for your financial security even if you have bonded with the kids. Do those tasks because they give you PLEASURE..because you WANT to do them. The bonding and finance are 2 separate issues. As for being "wrong" for feeling he should be contributing...?? No, feelings are not right or wrong..they are "feelings". To expect him to contribute or include you in the trust IS unreasonable at this time since he is doing neither. There is no reason to beleive this relationship is heading for divorce, at all..on the contrary...you are embracing his kids and you are asking questions. You are on the right track....just take care of yourself...

Answer 9

That is fine. He worked hard for many years to have the family trust. Let him continue to put into it. But I would stop putting money in the joint account. Open your own account and give him just enough to pay your share. If he has a problem with that to bad.

Answer 10

If he already had the trust setup when you married him, I can understand his not including you initially. I can understand his leaving assets that were his before the marriage in the trust. He set this up to take care of his children and wouldn't want the funds not used for them. Anything (savings, house, retirement, investments) that was from before your marriage would remain in the trust.

You really should have discussed this BEFORE your marriage. I did and we didn't have as much at stake as your husband does.

In reality, the house, retirement and investments should include YOU, once you two have been in the marriage a while. We set it up that, anything brought in AFTER the marriage date was JOINT and my possessions from BEFORE the marriage would slowly be made joint a small percentage every year till, after ... I guess 10 years, would be 100% joint as well.

I'd recommend (my humble opinion only) that he set up a new trust for the new family including you and move 10% of the ownership of the house, retirement and investments into the new trust each year till those three items are 100% joint after 10 years. I suggest he leave the savings from before the marriage in the original trust to keep them intact for his children.

Whenever he gots any extra money, it SHOULD have been put into your joint savings account. If he insists in putting it into the trust, then you should put an amount EQUAL to what he put into the trust into a savings or retirement account that is YOURS ONLY.

His putting all his extra money into the trust which YOU are NOT a part of tells me two things:
1) he does NOT consider you to be a family member. You're just the maid, doing the housework, cooking, providing him with baby sitting services and sex. And you think you have a great relationship?

2) he's violating community property laws, and telling you that you have no value to him, as he's putting all his extra money in a place that you are locked out of.

If he insists that it doesn't matter because you "are married", insist that he take you to lawyer or accountant who set up the trust to discuss all this and what it means to YOU if he dies! -IF- he respects you and values you as YOU believe (and I don't believe) then he'll be happy to take you to the person who set up the trust so you can ask how this affects you as surviving spouse if he dies suddenly and unexpectedly.

With his remarriage, the trust should have been reviewed by you and him TOGETHER with the attorney and/or accountant who set up the trust! They will know the laws in your state.

You have valid reasons for concern...
both because of the financial implications...
AND
the indication that he doesn't value you as a spouse and family member.

Please print our answers and make him read them... especially mine!

Answer 11

My personal opinion (and I’m a woman, by the way)…anything he had prior to you marrying him should remain separate because those are HIS assets that he acquired prior to marrying you, and it should go to his kids when he dies (I hate to see situations where a man remarries, he dies, and the kids end up with nothing).

However, anything that’s acquired DURING your marriage is a different issue entirely. That’s martial funds and therefore he should be (for example) depositing money into the joint savings accounts, UNLESS it’s money earned from his separate property that he owned prior to marrying you (for example, selling a car, furniture, etc that he owned before you married).

Don’t ask him to put you on the trust (why should you deserve his separate money that should rightfully go to his kids?), but do ask him not to deposit your MARTIAL funds there (for example, his work bonuses, because that’s money he earned during the marriage that was not acquired through property/investments that he owned before the marriage).