My husband and I are in the middle of trying to decide what we should do about our lives for the next few months. There doesn't seem to be hope for our marriage right now, but we're in the middle of so much.. he lost his job and started a new one with different hours, less pay and a much longer commute, there's a chance we'll have to give our house back to the bank, the holiday season around the corner.. He's asked me to wait until we figure out the house situation before I tell him for sure if we'll be separating. I'm just so confused right now... If we lose our house, we'll still have to move into an apartment together until he can get back on his feet and afford to live on his own... After that, I can move out into my own place closer to my job maybe. Our son will continue school close to him.. I guess my question is, should we wait until sometime next year, tough out our mortgage payments for now and continue to live together? We're upside down with our mortgage &can't sell.
2007-11-06 04:34:18 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why separate or end a marriage because you guys are having financial problems? This is the time where both of you need to be supportive. Why dont you try to find a second job to make ends meet. Sell some itmes you dont need and cut bills you really dont need like cable and such. Even better, why not post your house for rent or if it has a basement or a spare room...just for the extra income. There are so many ways to go about problems but if all you guys decide to do is fight then nothing will be done. Starting over is not so bad either...gives you guys a chance to see where improvement needs to be done. So one house is gone...at least you'll be together...dont take the loser way out of it
2007-11-06 04:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Times for you now are more than tough. I can appreciate that. My husband and I have come through dire straits. There was a period early in our marriage when we didn't have money to put gas in the car or food on the table. We didn't have enough money to pay our utility bills, and there were days that we literally didn't know where our next meal would come from. We learned that there were many things we could live without.
You spoke of financial trouble, but you didn't mention anything that would make me think you two should separate. Are you seriously considering ending the marriage? Are you unhappy with each other or just this situation? Has he or you been unfaithful? What kind of message are you sending to your child? You have an opportunity to teach him some valuable lessons about finances, commitment, the family bond, perseverance and more. When it's all said and done, your son can learn to appreciate hard work and the little luxuries in life that most of us take for granted.
My husband and I stuck it out--for better and for worse--and things are wonderful now. We know that when the going gets tough, we won't bail out on each other and our love for each other is far deeper than it would be had we not experienced tough times. Our vows meant something to us then and they mean even more now.
Clip coupons, sell aluminum cans, make sacrifices--whatever it takes to make ends meet, but work together as a family. Maybe you won't be able to keep your house, but call the mortgage company and let them know about your situation. They may be willing to work out a plan for you. It can't hurt to ask. Do you have relatives that are in a position to provide financial help or a temporary place to live? What about seeking help from your church or government assistance?
2007-11-06 04:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by DJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means, if you and your husband can be civil and live together until all the financial difficulties are sorted out then do so. This will not only benefit the both of you but your child as well. Me and my ex husband did just that, we decided to divorce and continued to live as roommates in the home him and I bought together. Since him and I were in agreement of this arrangement it helped us out financially. Try and save your home, it is an investment and the money you can receive once you and your husband decide to sell will be a big help financially. Besides , who knows, most times stressful times like this make a couple have more conflict, you never know if you and your husband will reconcile. I sure hope so. Best of luck to you both!.
2007-11-06 05:56:39 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't separate just yet for the child's sake. I mean are you going to just let the house go and move into an apartment so you don't have the bill/mortgage? Try to keep life as normal as possible for your son's sake. Are you moving on because of the bills, is he an drinker? Doper? Cheater? What's happened so terribly that you're ready to call it quits? If you loose the house, then so be it, but I wouldn't make things any worse by moving into an apartment, and such for your child's sake
2007-11-06 04:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is over, it makes more sense to separate now. Each of you can move closer to your job which will help cut expenses, as will getting rid of the mortage payments on a house you won't keep. And living together at a time like this? Who needs that kind of stress!!!
2007-11-06 04:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about you and your children. Not him. He asked you to wait for himself. You can always sell property. If you cannot afford the payments what to say next year will be better. My ex wanted to keep our house with huge payments. I tried to explain to him that I would stay and help until we sold but he did not want to. I am out and doing a lot better financially and he is seriously struggling. Now he is forced to sell the house and I get to sit back and wait for the equity.
2007-11-06 04:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are in the middle of financial difficulty as well. But we have chosen to turn towards one another instead of away. As a result, even though our finances are uncertain, our marriage is rock steady. I urge you to try and tough it out and to stand by your husband for a little while longer. Decide that you won't blame him for the trouble and that you two are a team. The finances will work themselves out eventually and things will get easier. If you still can't get along then, you can decide where you want your marriage to go.
2007-11-06 04:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its really hard to separate with some one that you been with for awhile even tho ya having problems be there thru thick and thin. ya committed to him because ya married and a part of being married is dealing with problems like this try to pull things together because sometimes it could be bad 4 ya child. some changes could be a good thing but 4 now wait out and see what happens before you make a change.
2007-11-06 04:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are going through a bankruptcy right now and I promised my husband I would stay till it was over but boy I wish I was gone. I dont see what diffrence it will make. Things could drag on like us and youd be so miserable, i am miserable. My sister moved out and got a job and place and what she could spare, she gave him. I think I may do the same.
2007-11-06 04:41:46 · answer #9 · answered by reneem1954_2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like ur separating due to financial difficulties, that is - he lost a job and is in difficulty right now. I feel it is very wrong.
As husband and wife are we not supposed to stick through thick and thin; or should we just live with people who have no troubles at all. ( which is not possible, cause everyone will be in difficulty sometime in threir life).
2007-11-06 04:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋