He wont stop I just asked for a divorce!
2007-11-06 04:30:53 · 65 answers · asked by hark1234 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is now trying to make everyone around me think im crazy and he wont stop asking me to work it out i dont understand if im crazy why would he want to work it out?
2007-11-06 04:39:05 · update #1
he has beatened be for years but hasent for 2 but the verbal and i have 3 kids im so scared
2007-11-06 04:40:19 · update #2
i have no wear to go my family has been turned away from all his lies he makes up crazy stuff! i also live in a 2 family house and his parents live on the other side and they side with him WTH?
2007-11-06 04:43:00 · update #3
he just asked me to sign the title to his truck over to him and he dose not have a lience from dwi and i said im not signing anything right now and he freaked out on me said i was playing games and went over to his fathers to tell him he said watch what happens if you keep playing games OMG!
2007-11-06 05:10:14 · update #4
Thank u all
2007-11-06 05:35:31 · update #5
Yes!!!!
Yes!!!!
YES!!!
2007-11-06 04:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES!!! My husband has done this also. I cheated on him and lied to him repeatedly - it was wrong - so very wrong of me to do. But then he said that I pushed him to hit me, choke me, punch me in the head, rape me, sodomize me - I am sorry - there is NO excuse for what I did, and there is NO excuse for what he did. He abused me in all ways possible - and then made it all my fault. He has no clue how it has affected me. I find myself hating him more and more and more each day and it's been hard to come to that realization. Your husband will keep you down - through any means possible - but only behind closed doors. In front of everyone else he'll be an angel. He'll also make sure to tell everyone else each and every little thing you have done wrong, and then you'll really believe that you are crazy in thinking that what he's doing is even abuse. IS IT ABUSE!!! And NO ONE deserves to be treated this way. My parents and step-parents all think my husband is a complete, controlling as$hole - and they are right. Good for you for getting a divorce - don't ask for it - just go and get it. He may promise to stop - but unless someone steps in he will not. Abusers always like to make themselves out to be the victims - in any situation and they can't even fathom anyone else's emotions. My husband has even recently told me that we obviously have 2 different opinions on the past 2 years - and his opinion is that there was no abuse from him, that I was the only one who abused him. GET OUT NOW - leave everything except for your kids. They deserve a better male in their lives - because he is very obviously NOT A MAN.
2007-11-06 04:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by Trrrrunks! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say any person capable of abuse of any type is capable of anything. Making you think you are crazy could be a way of keeping control. It would depend on the abuser, but it is certainly probable.
People subjected to abuse, tend to loose confidence and ambivalence in their own thought patterns is not uncommon. It may be the effects of the abuse that make you think you are crazy and not the abuser using deliberate acts.
I would recommend you get advice from a councillor or someone you trust to be impartial.
A number of comments suggest leaving the relationship, but this is not necessarily the right move for you. Only you know what you really want and so I repeat, get impartial advice first but also put your childrens safety and yours above all else. Let this guide your decision.
If I was you, I would be careful of taking some of the comments to literally. For example, comparing your husband to a child abuser is not helping your situation. Please think carefully about which comments are relavent to your specific situation. Remember your children must come first, which you probably already know. But do not make a decision which could put you in further danger.
2007-11-06 04:37:58 · answer #3 · answered by kez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yas for a while when i was younger my mum had the same problem. I bet hes always right too, always mannages to turn the situation/argument around against you and to his favour and confrontation alwayes escalates things much worse.
I dont know you thus cant put myself in your situation but if the above ring true, dont "just ask for a divorce" in his eyes it will do 3 things 1, hell counteract it and "youl be the one taking the easy way out", that you need the help, if he loves /still loves you that will infuriate hm and make things worse, or hes heard it allbefore and will say "get the hell out make my day"
all I sugest is that you stay at some friends for a while. Then ask what youve asked us to some of his close friends(male) and make sure he fids out, but dont be near him when he does, break his ego and humiliate(humiliate maybe too strong a word) by getting his friend involved, he will not like it and if he comes round/forgives you for that he willbe as carm and cool as a puppy
good luck!
2007-11-06 04:45:03 · answer #4 · answered by pk o 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. If the abuser, he or she, can put doubt in your mind, he or she has more control. My first husband tried to kill me and killed himself in the process. He tried to make me think I was crazy. He was the one with a screw loose. You are doing the right thing removing yourself and your children from a violent environment. You do not want your children to think violent behavior and emotional abuse is a normal way of life. If you have doubts regarding your interpretation of recent and past events, removing yourself and your children from a possibly dangerous situation will provide time to consider the past and determine the best action for the future. If you are misinterpreting your husbands actions, which I doubt, then the good person that your husband is will still be good and understanding in a couple of months when you feel safe again. He will help you through the problem and work toward unification. If you are correct and your husband is emotionally and physically abusive the negative behavior will continue and it will be obvious to you that you made to best decision removing yourself and your children from a dangerous situation. Be strong. Be a good mom. Keep yourself and the kids safe. If their father really cares about them he will support you.
2007-11-06 04:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by twylyghtbay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's normal... they will try and make you feel useless and that they're the only one that will love you... it's a sense of power for them. In my own experience, the abuser will belittle you so much and make you think that you are being unreasonable, just so that they can continue with the violence you receive. I remember one time my ex called me a whore to his friends in the bar and I went to the truck pissed off and he came out and choked me... I went to the police but they wouldn't do anything because I had 2 drinks!!! besides that, later, he kept insisting that he didn't choke me, that I was thinking this up etc, etc, etc.... don't put up with it... if you're getting abused, get out now, you deserve better than some low life guy with issues that he takes out on you hun.
2007-11-06 04:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by Nursy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal. If I were you, I'd wait a minute and let things settle.You asked for a divorce, let that slip off his mind a bit. Then, find a place to live and move out while he is gone. Get some friwends and have one of them rent a u-haul. Pack your stuff and leave. DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE> File for divorce and get a restraining order. Stay out of sight. They go crazy when they lose control or if they are affraid they will lose control.
Good Luck!
2007-11-06 04:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by tammy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is the only way he can keep you under his power, believe me it will not be easy to get away! i know by personal expierences, first of all report EVERYTHING to the police... and i do mean everthing, the more it's reported the better off you will be in the long run, move in with family or friends for awhile, and be stearn with him, never ever look down while you are talking to him, thats what he wants you to do. change cell numbers, tell co-workers whats happening, get a tpo put out, and if nothing else if you can talk to some of his family members.
2007-11-06 04:43:38 · answer #8 · answered by crazy_nights106 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes... I was abused for three years by my ex husband and everyday he would try to make it seem like my fault. He tried to make me think that I deserved everything that he did to me and that if I didn't do some of the things I did he would not have a reason to beat me. You need to get away. It is going to be hard and it is going to be scary but you have to be strong and you cannot take him back. Once an abuser has started to abuse there is no turning back for them and they will keep going as long as you keep coming back. I wish you the best of luck and be strong.
2007-11-06 04:36:23 · answer #9 · answered by allnshannon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes its part of the control they want over you. Don't listen, don't ask for a divorce, go out and file for it, then go and file for a restraining order. Once he realizes that he is losing control over you he will try using More violent and abusive tactics to regain that control.
Good luck and be carful about what you file for.. Money is not worth your life so if it gets bad just walk away and start again.
2007-11-06 04:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by Average Joe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Abusers are generally scared, small-minded people. They fear losing control and ending up alone, above all else. They mask it behind anger, but their goal is to make you dependent on them. By making you feel worthless, they can continue to control and use you. I'm sure you've heard a rationale about how you'll never find someone other than him, or something like that.
I applaud you for making this very difficult decision to get out of that terrible situation and start living your life for yourself again. Know that what you are doing isn't crazy and you are acting for your own health and those of any children you may have. Best of luck.
2007-11-06 04:33:20 · answer #11 · answered by Matt D 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋