Question?..10 pts. to best answer!?

Question

Friend question?..Is this alright to do?..?
* A friend of mine, who I haven't spoken to in almost a year sent me a gift through the internet. A flower gift, just a picture of a flower, that anyone can send to anyone, if they want to as a gesture of appreciation, fun, care etc. I was shocked when she did this, I never thought she would do that, as I felt I was for the most doing the friend work We've known each other for 3 years now, &live in different states. We're both in college & she is about to graduate. I feel she got the hint that I was mad at her because I ignored her on aim, as she was always the first I chatted with. I feel she sent me the card to try & apologize subtly. I will resend her the gift, because it's a nice gesture & would hope from there she actually initiates the conversation, if she cares. *But I still refuse to talk to her when I'm on aim, I can't bring my self to pretend nothing happened,because something did. Is that fine?..I just can't out of the blues tell her what she did.

****I don't want to be the first, until she dos something more, I won't talk to her, I don't want to open up a "can of worms'", if I talk about what she did, thoug it's been almost a yr." or make the same mistake again-get hurt. But I do not mind being friends, if she does it 1st. **Do you think I'm letting my pride get in the way?..

SHE ASKED ME IF I HAD A CRUSH ON HER, IF I WAS A LESBO, AND I FELT LIKE CHATTING WITH HER, AFTER THAT WAS LIKE PULLING TEETH, SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT, AND SHE NEVER APLOGIZED! SHE DIDN'T THINK I WOULD BE OFFENDED! I

**I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GAY PEOPLE. BUT SHE'S IN THE MILITARY AND I AM GOING THAT ROUTE-SO YEAH!

Answer 1

This is a tough question to answer without all the details. If she is really a friend of yours, and you really and truly want the friendship to continue, I suggest you get that pride chip off your shoulder and send her a greeting and then talk to her on AIM and explain that you have something you need to talk to her about privately and ask that she contact you via the phone at a convenient time for both of you if she wants to resolve the situation and continue with the friendship and make it grow.

But you need to be able to discuss issues with friends....or they aren't friends. Letting this go a year is too long. Grow up......make the first effort and see hwat happens and then decide. Good luck.

Remember, true friends are hard to come by and rare, we are firtunate of we have 3 in our entire life. The other "friends" are just people we associate with. Learning to decipher the difference is the key to growing as a person and obtaining true friends. Sometimes it takes a lot of personal soul searching.

Answer 2

Is it wrong of you to feel the way you feel? No. Do i think you are letting your pride get in the way? No. It's a test of friendship, through these trials of friendship we find out who our friends truly are. If you have been initiating all the contact, then obviously she knows you care and you are willing to be her friend even though you guys are far apart. But if she doesn't return the gesture, then it's perfectly natural for you to feel the way you do.

Some people are just more selfish than others. It might not mean that she doesn't want to be your friend, she may simply just not know that she was blowing you off because she got caught up and busy with her new friends, her schoolwork and such. It's hard to keep in touch with friends that are long distance, but true friends will make the effort.

If you want to ride it out and not initiate conversations with her until she does so first, then fine, it's how you deal with it, i'ts how you see if she cares, then go for it. Just remember, don't be disappointed if she doesn't initiate conversations with you, at that point, you will just have to accept that she's not that great of a friend to begin with and move on and find someone who is a good friend =)

Anyways, good luck!

Answer 3

No, don't be stupid. You can't expect her to read your mind. Let her know you're upset, and if you have to, just say it out of the blue! Be polite though because maybe she really has some good reasons for behaving the way she did. She obviously cares if she was trying to talk to you on AIM, and sent you the little flower. It won't be fixed if you keep quiet! Would you honestly tell her what was wrong even if she asked? When I'm feeling stubborn, I know I want someone to ask what's wrong, but when they ask, I just say "nothing!" so the issue still doesn't get resolved! You need to bridge the gap.

Answer 4

I think that life is very short and you only live once. I feel you should either not send her the flower back and trash the friendship completley. Or, send her an email thanking her for the flower and explain to her your issues. Pride is the number one cause of broken friendships I believe. Don't let your pride get in the way. I understand if you don't want to forgive her but it sounds like you do want a friend you just need a better apologize on her side. Just talk to her.

Answer 5

Try to lose the drama. Get over it. You are an adult now, so act like one. In high school, a friend of mine did something very bad, and I stopped talking to her. I can't stand drama in my life, I won't put up with it. We found each other recently on myspace, and she sent me a message - after 7 or 8 years of not talking! She just wanted to know what was going on in my life. So I sent her one back. Why not? We don't talk every day, just occasionally. I'm over what she did, not saying I'll be her best buddy again! lol But I don't mind messages here and there, I'm grown-up now.

If you want, send her one back. Maybe she needed to grow up a little, and thought you were a special person, so she sent it to you. I wouldn't start any drama though- it's a waste of time.

Answer 6

Sometimes waiting for someone to admit their faults is hard because you will be waiting a long time. Sorry and being apologetic is one of the most difficult things to do because you have to say the "I was wrong". No one likes being wrong. If friendship meant something to you whats wrong with trying to restore it. Some people say that somethings you just can't fix, but how will you know if you don't try. Maybe this is a way for her to open the door to talk about it. So let her take some time to get it out. One things that hinders us from growth is unforgiveness. So learn to forgive and you will learn to live. Respond back to her because you want to not because its the right thing to do.

Answer 7

Honestly girl I do think you are letting your pride get in the way. If this is a relationship you care about, the best thing to do is to communicate with your friend and let her know that she has harmed you in some way. Otherwise you are the only one harboring a resentment, and she probably doesn't even know anything is wrong. It is kind of silly to sit here upset but not willing to do anything about it. Tell her how you feel and let her know your feelings are hurt, so that she can even acknowledge she had done something wrong. Ohterwise, your resentment towards her will continue to get bigger and bigger and you will get madder and madder waiting for her to apologize for something she doesn't even know she has done. Good luck to you and your friend. I am sure it will all work out if you can be the bigger person and let her know what is bothering you.

Answer 8

If you want to have contact with her, then send her the gift of the flower. If you don't want to get with her again, then ignore the gift and write her off.

Don't let silly pride get in the way of a friendship. We all make mistakes, haven't you?

You be the judge, if you want to talk to her then do it, and let the past go. We are getting into the holiday season soon, there will be Cristmas break, and that may give you two a little time to patch up old wounds.

It sounds like she misses you and wants to have contact again.

good luck.

Answer 9

I'm kind of confused. Has it been a year since you talked to her and this incident happened? Or, it happened a year ago, you have been friends and all of a sudden you're fired up about it?
If it's the first, then forget her. She needs to do more than send a crappy pic.
If it's the second, then maybe you should talk to her about it. How is she gonna know how you feel if you want to remain friends. You can't be so hot and cold.
But, if you don't want to be really good friends and more like aquaintances, then why do you care so much?

Answer 10

I remember a similar situation which resulted in a lost friendship. For me this was a big mistake.
As I go through life I realise how important friends are. Good friends are hard to come by and anyone of us can make enemies easily. My motto is to never break a friendship and if there is a danger of loses a friend fight to keep them. It is only pride that prevents us and remember pride often comes before a fall.